Doc Love Dating Advice
CAN YOU GET TO VANESSA WILLIAMS IN FOUR MINUTES?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’ve been wondering what your opinion is of “speed dating” or “speed matching.”
I’ve been to three such events sponsored by an online dating service (Match.com). You get a mere four minutes with each woman. I find lots of women I’m attracted to at these functions, perhaps up to a quarter or a third of the total attendees. (Incidentally, the average age is 40-plus; I’m 55.)
While I said YES on my ballot to lots of them, very few of the women I was
attracted to selected me on their ballot. I’m no James Brolin, but I’m not bad-looking either. I lead an active life, own my own business, I’m educated, and blah blah blah.
At the latest event, which was just last Sunday, there were 18 women. I said
YES on my ballot to seven of them, and MAYBE to four. NONE of the women at the top of my list selected me. I got a lousy ONE match – one of my MAYBES -- out of 18 candidates.
And as always, the least physically attractive women (who I did not
select) seem to select me. The dating service’s method tells me who picked me, even if I didn’t pick them. (Now, you may say it’s important to
look beyond the physical and I really try to do that, but I don’t care
how nice and sweet and giving they are, if I’m not physically attracted
to them, it isn’t going to work for me.)
This high level of rejection is starting to get to me, Doc. I think I’m a
great catch for a woman. What the heck am I doing wrong in a mere four
minutes that is resulting in low or no interest whatsoever?
I’m a great fan of yours and look forward to getting “The System,” which I recently ordered.
Steve - who keeps striking out on fastballs
I think so-called “speed dating” is a tough row to hoe and here’s why: you don’t meet enough people. You’re not getting enough numbers. Think about it. You have to shower and shave, which takes a half hour, you have to drive to the event, which is another hour, you have to go through the whole Match.com process, which takes a certain amount of time, then you have to drive back home. And after all of three or four hours you’ve invested, you’ve met a total of 18 women, only one of whom is interested in you. By any method of calculation, it’s not worth it.
By contrast, on the Internet you’ll “meet” hundreds of women just by looking through photographs, and you’ll bypass all the face-to-face rejection. In fact, if a woman checks out your picture and decides no, you don’t even know you’ve been rejected, right? It’s a much cleaner, easier, and efficient method. So that’s my opinion of speed dating.
On the other hand, the four-minute limitation of speed-dating is not without its merits. Why? Because women arrive at their initial Interest Level evaluation within four minutes of meeting you. So at least you’re not wasting a whole lot of time determining that. (Then again, you’re still only meeting 18 women.)
One match out of 18 in your case means that about six percent of women dig you. That’s why you have to meet at least a couple of hundred -- to increase your chances of getting that one good one. With speed matching, you’re simply not meeting them fast enough, nor are you getting the volume.
Now, on to the specifics of your case. You complain that the unattractive ones always pick you out of the love lineup. Jeez, Steve -- don’t you get it? The least attractive females go for everybody. As my cousin “Fast Eddie Love” would say, “The doggies will take a walk with anybody.”
But if she’s not physically attracted to you, Steve, it’s not working for her either, don’t forget. So this cuts both ways.
In your letter, your main concern is what you’re doing wrong. Well, like I always tell you guys, you have to be a love cop on “Love and Order.” You have to dissect the situation like the detectives do in the first half-hour of “Law and Order” when they’re trying to get the skinny on what’s going on. And that means you have to ask yourself the hard questions.
Steve, you have three possible problems. Let’s deal with them one by one.
1.) You’re not physically attractive to anybody. Do you stand up straight when you walk? Were you the best-dressed guy there? Do you have a beer belly hanging over your belt? Do you look like you’re in shape? Go and check yourself out in the mirror.
2.) You’re physically attractive to some, but what you’re saying isn’t going over. In other words, your pitch isn’t working. Here’s a suggestion. The next time you’re at a speed-dating event and a woman is sitting in front of you; you’re going to say, “Tell me what you like about yourself.” Or “Have you ever met a guy who was a Challenge?” Then you’ll play off that question. If she says yes to the latter question for instance, but that she thinks it’s nothing but game-playing, ask her why. (And you’re going to have a big smirk on your face when you’re saying this.) Then ask, “When do you think a guy should call you – 10 minutes after he gets your number? What if he waited a week – would that bother you?” You’ll find out then and there where she stands on Challenge and whether she’s a control freak. In other words, you’re going to interview this girl, and you’re going to control the interview by ramming “The System” down her throat. At the same time you’ll be showing this babe that you understand women. And you’re going to do it all in four minutes. So basically you have to change your whole sales pitch, dude.
3.) You’re not talking about the right things in the right manner and the right tone. Most women think you don’t have any personality. Steve, are you making these ladies laugh? Are you keeping it light and positive and showing a sense of humor? Lucky for you that “The System” is on its way to your place right now. It contains everything you’ll ever need to know about how to deal with women. Once you memorize my principles, your anemic one out of 18 rate is going to go up to three or four out of 18.
Remember, guys: if you’re not making out, there’s a reason for it.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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