Doc Love Dating Advice

          IF MIRA SORVINO CAN ROB THE CRADLE, CANíT YOU?
                       Women Donít Lie - Men Donít Listen
                            Success Coach - Doc Love


Hey Doc,

I recently ran across your website and thought I would ask a simple question I hope you can answer.

Iím a 37-year-old guy who was introduced to a 25-year-old woman Iíll call Meryl. We began to date and hit if off quite nicely. When we started going out, I told her that I was 35 instead of my real age just to shave off a couple of years and bring our ages closer together. Big mistake. But she said at the time that she didnít care about the age difference and we ended up dating for over a year.

Well, you can almost guess what happened. She found out my true age (from a health insurance form I was filling out and stupidly left on my kitchen table) and then immediately broke off our relationship. I found this completely bewildering, since I didnít think anything of those two years. In fact, the breakup happened so fast that I didnít have the chance to even state my case in the hope she would understand that I lied in order to date her.

What I donít understand is that just one week prior to this disaster, we were making vacation plans and she was very excited about them. The following week Ė after finding out my true age Ė she tells me she isnít happy anymore and wants out of the relationship. I was stunned! Can someone really change so quickly? Can someone swear that I was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and then break up a week later? Iím perplexed.

I am trying to move on, but I have to admit Iím still deeply disturbed by what happened with Meryl. Iíd appreciate your insight into the situation.

Lewis - who canít figure out how he blew it over something so small

Hi Lewis,

Jeez, if you werenít such a fraud, Iíd feel bad for you, dude. You went to all kinds of trouble for nothing. All you had to say when Meryl asked your age at the very beginning was, ďOne hundred and six. But when Iím around you, sweetheart, I feel all of 25!Ē And then you should have smiled at her suavely, just like Cary Grant, and let the whole issue drop into the no-fly zone. You would have saved yourself lots of anguish down the road.

Now think about it. This whole mess really should have been a non-issue. As Sal ďThe FishĒ Love says, ďIf you dig her and she digs you, a 12-year age difference ainít so bad.Ē The reality is that uncounted relationships have survived an age gap that makes yours with Meryl seem like a mere bag of shells. Remember Charlie and Oona Chaplin? He was doddering into his mid-fifties and she hadnít hit 20 when they got together. By all accounts the marriage was blissfully happy until he kicked the bucket. Or how about Warren Beatty and Annette Bening? Or to reverse things, Ashton and Demi? Or Mira and her new 22-year-old husband-to-be?

But this is the part I donít like. Here Meryl knows that youíre 10 years older than her, and sheís still going out with you. What does that say about her Integrity? That makes her a bit of a liar herself when she busted you on your age difference later, right?

But you went ahead and left the evidence of your little white lie lying on the kitchen table anyway. As General Love says, ďNever leave ammunition out
-- ever! Because you can bet itís going to be used on you!Ē Her quick fade tells us that Meryl has a new boyfriend -- you just didnít know it. She was just waiting for an excuse to get out and you gave it to her, pal. I always tell you guys that you have to be like detectives on Love and Order. This is grade-A evidence, my friend.

Nevertheless, thereís a bigger issue involved here. Over half the women Iíve interviewed in my career have said that what they DIDNíT want most of all in a man was a LIAR. What theyíre looking for is TRUST. They want to bond with you, and for that they need someone who is TRUSTWORTHY. So when you tell a babe something, it has to match the facts.

And thatís basically why Merylís splitting now. Because when you told a lie, her Interest Level plummeted to somewhere between 40% to 49%. Like my cousin ďFast EddieĒ Love puts it, ďAt that point a woman will stay with you, but she donít dig you anymore!Ē Sheís just waiting for the right turkey to happen along so she can deep-six you.

When you two were making vacation plans, Merylís Interest Level was 95%. Usually when guys screw up, it drops gradually -- to 93%, then 89%, then 76%, etc. But in your case, when you told a big, fat lie, you pushed it from 95% to 45% in a hurry, and you were out Ė out of love, that is.

So the answer to your question is sure, women can change quickly, and they do. If she has any values whatsoever and realizes that sheís going out with a fraud, she gets rid of him Ė fast!

Your problem, Lewis, is that you donít understand the power of the English language. Women are looking for basic trust from the very beginning. And theyíre going to match up every word with every action. Ask Hugh Grant to tell you about how that works! He told the gorgeous Ms. Hurley that he was ďeating sushiĒ the night he got caught by the cops with his pants down!

To you Psych majors, if you canít stand the heat, donít stand on the Weber grill. This warning applies to anything personal about yourself. And thatís why I tell you guys to throw something back in her face like Jim Carrey would and make her laugh. Just donít tell her your true age. Like I said, it should never been an issue to begin with. But unfortunately for you, youíve got a big mouth Ė like most men.

Remember, guys: if youíre going to tell her a whopper, make sure she can never bust you on it.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about ďThe System,Ē visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, ďWhy do you stay with one woman versus another?Ē

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