Doc Love Dating Advice
IS DATING ONLY EASY WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE BRAD PITT?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I happen to be married and not on the dating scene, but I look forward to your articles, as I find your point of view refreshing. Dating is indeed a power struggle, and men don’t really get this, handing over all their bargaining power before they get anywhere with a woman. As far as usefulness is concerned, I think your material appeals to average-looking guys with average income levels, because the Pierce Brosnans of the world don’t need it.
The subject of looks is an interesting one in your writings. On the one hand you say that by being a Challenge, Mister Average can have an A+ babe. In other articles, the Reality Factor (common sense) dictates that women respond to attractiveness as much as men do, and that you have to be realistic about what you have as far as looks go. Other times you say that you can’t guess a woman’s motivations and therefore you never know. Or you say that the “10s” are really high maintenance (implying the average guy wouldn’t want one anyway, and thus avoiding the issue). Often you ask how many times you see a beautiful babe with a loser/ugly guy, as some form of encouragement to the average-looking guys, I suspect. (The answer, in reality, is pretty much never.)
So from where I sit you kind of dance around this issue of looks. I know Attitude and Challenge are your central themes, not looks, but it is an important factor in dating nevertheless, and never won’t be (which to your credit you do acknowledge -- sometimes).
Many average-looking guys spend half their lives pining for those “A” babes (“genetic celebrities”). Really, being a Challenge won’t help much in that department, because there are different leagues when it comes to looks. And it’s rare to play – and win -- out of your league and that’s that. I know you preach Attitude in the end, and rightly so, but looks never cease to be important. I think your advice is great, and works best basically within your league. This is common sense, but the male ego has great difficulty staying in its own league, and denies reality.
Being filthy rich would of course make of all the above beside the point, but the Donald Trumps of the world don’t need your advice either, and aren’t reading your columns. I think your writings should emphasize being realistic as a means of increased success maybe more often than they do.
I’m really curious to hear your definitive opinion.
Richard - who believes that Brad Pitt will always come out on top
You’re right when you say that most men are saps who hand over their power at the first possible opportunity. Most of them, upon sighting the most dangerous creature on the planet – the Beautiful Woman – can’t wait to run up the white flag of surrender. But you forgot to mention something else. Usually, by the time a guy is married, he has no self-respect – or power -- left whatsoever. If he does, his wife will erode it by nagging him to death.
Now, on to your main concerns. Luckily for him – and us -- there’s only one Pierce Brosnan in the world. But there are millions of us average-looking guys and so the playing field evens out. If there were 10 million Pierce Brosnans running around, we’d all be in trouble and I’d have to agree with you on this point, but I think you’re skewing it.
And what makes the dating game all the more interesting, Richard, is that there are many types of attractiveness. We’ve all seen some beautiful women with some real strange-looking dudes, haven’t we? Remember the Julia Roberts-Lyle Lovett romance? (And she married him!) Or how about Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob? (Ditto for her!) How many times have you seen a knockout with a schnook and asked yourself, “How the hell did he manage to snag her?” And not all of these schnooks play in the band!
You accuse me of saying that a guy can’t ever guess a woman’s motivations. This is actually a half-truth. You can’t figure her out in the beginning, but with time and by looking through the eyes of “The System,” you will see her real agenda. But it is true that most guys don’t know where a babe is coming from most of the time. Maybe you’re referring to yourself here, pal.
You’re on target when you suggest that the pursuit of the perfect “10” can be a grueling marathon. But there is a certain percentage of hardheaded men who will go after her no matter what. Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Some guys have to have their eye candy whether or not you warn them that it’s going to make them sick.” And if they’re willing to pay the price, fine. I just don’t want them to find out after they get married how high the price was.
You mention that I encourage guys by citing the loser/uglies who score beauties. This is also a misconception on your part. What I’m referring to is the “winner”/unattractive guy. The fellow who “gets handsome” after he opens his mouth because he’s got something besides sawdust between his ears and he’s not just pumping iron or running on his looks. Those guys are capable of scoring “10s” too, but they come at it from a different angle.
Here’s the way it works: you meet a babe, you start talking, and in two to three minutes -- if her Interest Level is 51% -- you can start working the mystical aphrodisiac known as Challenge. But if her Interest Level is 49% or less, it won’t matter if you’re Pierce Brosnan’s clone – nothing’s going to happen. Challenge only works when the girl likes you to begin with.
Richard, I happen to agree with you that dating is easier within your own league. But the point is this: if she happens to like you, and all the pretty boys are down on their knees begging her to go off with them to Acapulco and you’re hanging back cool and relaxed (being a Challenge), she has to wonder what separates you from the groveling turkeys. And that’s your shot. It’s true that you’re not going to get as many shots with the “A” list because you don’t run in that league. But as General Love says, “When you’re packing ‘The System,’ you know that when you venture onto the battlefield of dating, you’re out there to win.”
“The System” comes in handy even for the filthy rich, buddy. Yes, even Donald Trump needs my advice. He’s gone through two messy divorces and now he’s about to marry someone who’s young enough to be his daughter and who just happens to be Beautiful. Sound like a recipe for disaster? Has he learned his lesson yet? How much do you want to bet that he hasn’t? Yet Donald Trump wouldn’t condescend to buy my book. But maybe he should. Rush Limbaugh should too, because he’s about to become a three-time loser in the marital sweepstakes.
Richard, you really haven’t been paying close enough attention to what I preach. In the end, you always have to pass the Physical Attraction Test FIRST. You’ve heard me say that 50 times in the years I’ve been writing this column. Once you pass that hurdle, then you can apply Challenge.
I agree that it’s better to stay in the same league as the women you’re dating. Because, like my cousin “Fast Eddie” Love says, “If she’s running around with guys who own Lear jets and you man the pumps at the local Shell station, it’s gonna be a little tough to catch her eye!” But in the end, you still never know. If fate is kind, maybe one day she’ll run out of gas in front of your place.
Remember, guys: with “The System” you’ll be better-looking.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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