Doc Love Dating Advice

                       HOW DO YOU BREAK THE ICE?
                          Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                                    Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

Let me first say that I’m a big fan of yours, having read your column and being a student of the Dating Dictionary and its principles. For my money, you’re the best love coach out there – maybe the best in the whole world.

Now maybe I’ve just missed it, but I don’t believe that you’ve ever discussed exactly what to say to a woman in great detail. I hope this isn’t too basic for you, but I could really use some help here, Doc. In other words, how do you break the ice? Then what the heck do you say to follow it up? How do you keep the initial contact going and make your way to asking for the home phone number?

This is where I really get stuck when I try and meet a girl that I take a fancy to. “Hi” doesn’t seem to work most of the time. But maybe it’s just me. If I don’t get an enthusiastic response right off the bat, I tend to lose whatever confidence I have, stumble over my words, and end up making a fool of myself.

So when you get around to reading this, what I’d like to know is what to say in the following situations (which is where I find myself most of the time when I spot a girl I think I’d like to take out):

1. If she is at the bar.

2. If she is with her friends.

3. If she is standing on the outside of the dance floor.

4. If she is waiting to use the restroom.

5. If she is in line at a bank or store or restaurant.

There are more, but if you could help with the above list, I could probably apply them to the others. By the way, Doc, I’m 29, a college graduate, and have a good job in the pharmaceuticals field. Like I said, you might not even want to deal with something as fundamental as this, but I know I sure would appreciate the help, and probably so would all the other losers like me. Thanks in advance for your tips.

Carney - who doesn’t know how to get into the game

Hi Carney,

First of all, want to know why “Hi” doesn’t work most of the time? Because the girls you’re approaching don’t have high Interest Level in you. If they did, that simple “Hi” would do the trick. That’s the main point you’re missing here -- most of the girls you hit on don’t like you.

But look at it this way, guy. Out of a hundred girls, how many are going to like you? Eight? 10? 12? It’s a hard numbers game for the average Joe. Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “If you looked like Brad Pitt in the movie Troy, you wouldn’t even have to say ‘Hi’ – she’d be taking your towel off before you even opened your mouth!” (But we all know women don’t care about looks – they’re really after “inner beauty!” That’s what makes us men such animals!)

So you shouldn’t lose your confidence, pal. Because you’ve had the guts to go up to these girls in the first place, talk to them, and try and close the deal. These are complete strangers you’re approaching; don’t forget, so it’s to your credit that you’re even trying. But the more interesting thing is this: they didn’t help you. And why not? Because they weren’t interested. “There’s a logic to this madness,” as my cousin “Fast Eddie” Love would say.

But you don’t have to stumble over your words. Whenever you see a honey you’d like to take out, look at her and say, with a twinkle in your eye, “I think you’re coming on too heavy.” Just like Bogart would. Remember -- always keep it light and funny and easy. When she goes on staring at you, you’ll feel like a fool twice over, but that’s okay -- you’re just there to have fun anyway. Then ask her, “Hey, have you got a girlfriend for me?” If she doesn’t at least crack a smile, she’s got no sense of humor and you don’t want her anyway.

The point is to have two or three great lines down pat, wade into the fray and SMILE. And remember, you have to be dressed right – neat and clean. As my Uncle Jethro Love puts it, “Are your sneakers white? Are your clothes pressed? Of course, if you’re in the band, forget about all that -- it doesn’t matter!”

Now, before we get rolling on your list, let’s take an overview of the situation. There’s one thing all these girls have in common, like I said -- they’re all complete strangers to you. That’s the really tough part, buddy. Before you even go near any of them, you have to ask yourself: What’s the numerical probability that this girl’s going to like me? Or that she’s even available to like me? Like Brother Love says, “She doesn’t know you from Adam, so the chances ain’t good.” But let’s take them one by one anyway.

1. At the bar. You go up to her, and when she makes eye contact, you say, “Are you dying to buy me a drink, sailor?” Again, just like Bogie.

2. With her friends. Pick the ugliest, fattest one and beg her to dance. After you’re through and you go back and sit down at her table, say “I would be delighted if you’d introduce me to your friends.”

3. On the outside of the dance floor. This means she wants to dance. Or that her boyfriend, who’s twice as tall as you, is in the men’s room and she’s waiting for him. Step up to her and say, “Excuse me -- may I have this dance?” Then smile and show her your pearly whites. What have you got to lose, right?

4. Waiting to use the restroom. Forget it. She’ll think you’re a pervert. Why? It’s all the rage nowadays to take pictures with your cell phone.  

5. In a bank, she’ll think you’re trying to rob her, so forget that one, too. In a store. Ask her where the white chocolate macadamia cookies are. Talk about another product. Tell her it’s your first time in the store and that you’re lost. At a restaurant, try to grab a table near her if you can. If she’s watching the dance floor, dance with some other girls where she can see you. You have to keep an eye on her peripherally, and then make your move. The best time to go up to her in a restaurant is when she’s on her way back from the ladies room.

When you’re making any of these silly pitches, Carney, what you’re really doing is trying to break the ice. You’re saying, “I want to play. Please tell me you want to play too! Give me your home phone number.” If she’s interested, it’ll work.

Now, to follow it up. When you open your mouth, the girl knows you’re conning her. When you talk to her about the avocados in the grocery section, she knows there’s a good chance you’re hustling her. And if she’s attractive, she’s going to get hustled all the time. But if she sees something in you, and she’s available, you’ve got a shot, though it’s a slim one.

If, on the other hand, after two or three of your funny lines her eyes glaze over and she yawns – in other words, if she doesn’t help you out with positive encouragement either verbally or with her body language – say “Nice meeting you” and walk away. “Next!”

But Carney, you should be aiming at higher-percentage activities to meet girls. Like giving speeches where there are females in the audience. Take what you’re best at and emphasize your success. Try a church, for instance, where there are maybe 500 people listening and maybe 10 good-looking babes who will take a shine to you. There are definitely better ways to find them than the cold call.

Remember, guys: they help you when they like you.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women,
”Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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