Doc Love Dating Advice

      SHOULD YOU KEEP HER IF SHE CENSORS YOUR READING?
                                    Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                                            Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I realize that this is probably one of the more unusual letters you’ve ever received, but I don’t have much choice but to send it.

I recently purchased “The System,” but I’m planning to return it. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with The Dating Dictionary itself. In fact, I was drawn to buying it after reading your articles on the web. I especially liked your theories having to do with the fact that men are largely dominated by women, and that we have far less of a voice than they do in relationships. Also, it was nice that there was a guy offering help rather than the usual female love doctors who all preach pretty much the same thing.

I’m sure you’re sitting there asking yourself, “So what’s this guy’s problem?” It’s a little embarrassing, I’ll admit, but here it is: my girlfriend, Jessica. She wasn’t very pleased with me ordering your book in the first place, and when she read some of the sections, it caused some very heated arguments. She thought the chapter about men having to be a Challenge was particularly ridiculous. It’s her opinion that we should not play any head games with each other. She says we should be completely open and honest with one another, and your teachings prevent that.

Jessica has always been the kind of girl who likes to have her own way, Doc, and since she’s very beautiful, I tend to give it to her. In this case I figured that since it’s just a small matter of returning a book, I’d do it and preserve the peace. Besides, I promised Jessica that I would, and we don’t lie to each other, ever.

I have to admit though that since I made the decision I’ve been wracked with some nagging doubts about whether it’s the right course of action. I mean, it is just a book, so what’s the big deal, right? Can’t I read what I want? Are Jessica’s objections some kind of attempt to control me? Does this bode poorly for our future together?

On the other hand, I don’t want to lose her. We’ve been together for about 10 months now and are planning on getting married soon. Your book was the first major wedge to come between us, but this whole conflict has me wondering if I’m making a mistake without knowing it.

I know it seems crazy, Doc, but it’s come down to a matter of Jessica versus you.  Even though I’m sending your book back, I’m still curious to know your opinion of my situation.

Bruce - who’s choosing the line of least resistance

Hi Bruce,

Yours is a curious question, but it’s not one that surprises me given the power of my ideas. Whenever the truth is encountered, there is going to be a certain amount of denial. And that’s what’s going on here.

What’s really interesting, though, is that you can’t see the pattern of what’s happening right under your nose. Here you’re reading 10, 15, maybe even 20 of my articles, at an average of maybe 1,200 words apiece, and you can’t find one thing you disagree with. Right, Bruce? In fact, you’re so motivated by my columns that you agree to part with $99 for “The System.” You read it, and you still can’t find anything to disagree with! Because it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Yes, it does. Furthermore, you seem to need something from me. Now, did Jessica put a .45 to your head and order you to put the book down? Well, you’re acting like she did. The point is that you yourself are ultimately responsible for what’s happening here.

But let’s move on to Jessica anyway. Let me ask you a question, pal. Were her arguments against Doc Love logical? Did she allow you to explain why you were reading my book? The answer in both cases is no. If she had taken the time, she would have understood – assuming she has the capacity – that Challenge is most definitely not a head game. Challenge is the love ether in the dating game. And what Challenge does is keep you, as a partner, always fresh. But what Jessica’s proposing and implying – and of course this issues from the most popular female love doctor herself, Oprah – is “Let it all hang out!” Air all your dirty laundry, your weaknesses, your insecurities – in other words, every negative thing about you – and somehow she’s going to want to stay around! Makes sense, right? WRONG!

Bruce, I want you to be honest with your woman at all times. It’s the OPENNESS I worry about. Nobody wants a simpering weakling, least of all a woman. You keep that up and see how long you hold onto Jessica – or any other babe, for that matter.

But, you protest, “She likes to have her own way.” Know what I hear you saying, cowboy? That you give Jessica her own way all the time. I hear you NEVER saying NO to this girl. (As a matter of fact, I’d bet the house no one’s ever said no to her.) That’s why you’re sending the book back. Do you realize the amount of pain and misery and domination (of you!) that’s going to be involved when you’re living with this can’t-take-no-for-an-answer prima donna for the next 42 years under the same roof, day after day, week after week, month after month? You give her the power to dominate because of your high Interest Level -- because she’s beautiful. But you’re not looking at what’s on the inside, the part you’re going to marry. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “After a while, her looks ain’t so hot anymore. You’re going to have to live with her Attitude.”

You’re not just returning my book, Bruce; you’re returning THE TRUTH. Because you can’t handle the truth, and neither can Jessica. Yes, you’ll go ahead and preserve the peace at any price, just like Chamberlain when Hitler rattled his saber. And heavens no, I wouldn’t want you to fib to Jessica. I would just like to see you grow a little something in a certain part of your body so that your voice will deepen -- get what I’m saying, pal?

Unfortunately for you, Bruce, once you have Doc Love’s method in your head, you’ll never get rid of those nagging doubts. You’re going to be hearing my voice for as long as you’re involved with Jessica, book or no book. Know why? BECAUSE I SPEAK THE TRUTH, GUY -- THE TRUTH!

And no, apparently you’re not allowed to read what you want. And you couldn’t in Nazi Germany either. Sure, Jessica’s objections are an attempt to control you – she always has, hasn’t she? Why would things change now? She’s getting her way again, isn’t she? This is just an extension of what’s always been there. Does it bode poorly for your future together? Not for Jessica! She’s going to have a great time being in total control of her wimp of a husband! With you around she’ll have her own way for the rest of her life!

Before we go into “your situation,” I want to point out one last thing to you. If Jessica read my book cover to cover, she would have discovered my maintenance program, which is made up of Affection, Romance, and Respect. And she would have said to herself, “Look at what this guy’s studying – he’s going to give me the three things I want most over the long haul!” But she didn’t take the time. And, like you said, she calls all the shots, all the time.

As to your situation, I’ll let my cousin “Fast Eddie” Love do the talking for me: “You’re in a hell of a lot of trouble here, baby!”

Remember, guys: you never want to date a girl who’s a prison guard.

To send me your love questions of to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

© Copyright 2004 DocLove DotCom, Inc.


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