Doc Love Dating Advice
SLOW AND EASY, OR FAST AND FURIOUS?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
First I would like to quickly thank you for giving us your principles, as they help me screen out the annoying games most women play. I read your articles quite often and always enjoy them.
I have a question that I don’t think has come up yet: what’s better to
have in the long run -- a woman with high Interest Level right off the bat, or one that you’ve had to build up over time?
I know it sounds like a no-brainer, but with high Interest Level straight out of the gate, it seems that you have more chances to screw up because the woman will show early interest in you, thus making your own Interest Level shoot through the roof, which often leads to mistakes because you just plain get sloppy. On the other hand, with a woman whose Interest Level you’ve built up from 51%, you’ve had to work harder to be a Challenge (not to mention behave yourself!) and show her that you’re a great guy to be with, versus a guy who is given an easy path with the possibility of the romance fizzling out.
I am asking you this because of what’s occurred with the last two women I dated. The first, who I’ll call Charlize, was a female friend of one year who was converted into a romance, which was very nice until she moved away for grad school. The second girl, Angelina, didn’t even like me at first and expressed it in so many words. Two months later, she’s wildly in love with me, wants to get very intimate and calls me day and night (I guess that’s what I get for being a Challenge, telling her I am not really interested in seeing her long term, and not kissing up to her like every other guy). Please let me know your opinion: would I have been better off with Charlize, whose interest built slowly, or Angelina, who I have to beat back with a stick.
Christopher – who wonders if he should have let the first one go
Congratulations on bringing up a very interesting question. But the answer is that it really doesn’t make any difference. You’re going to have to do the same work in the case of both the low AND the high Interest Level woman, so the issue is nothing but academic. To you Psych majors, dating is like baseball. You’re going to see 100 mph fastballs, and you’re going to see hanging curveballs at 75 mph, and you’re going to see 60 mph changeups. But as a batter, you’re going to have to hit them all – or at least try to.
And so you’re going to run into women who will have an Interest Level of 80% after talking to you for five minutes, and you’re going meet women who are going to have an Interest Level of 51% after talking to you for two hours. But they both like you. It’s just a matter of which one you’re going to get the chance to work on. And it doesn’t really matter which it is, as long as you know how to drive her Interest Level out of the ballpark. What’s so great about “The System” is that it doesn’t matter what she throws you, because you’re going to know what to do.
But Christopher, you are right about one thing. With high (75% to 85%) Interest Level from the get-go, you do have more chances to screw up with a girl. As Sal “The Fish” Love says, “As soon as you open your mouth she’s going to find out what a lightweight you are, and her Interest Level is heading straight downhill from there!” The fact is that it doesn’t matter if a woman shows early high interest in you. Because your Interest Level is already through the roof – she doesn’t need to push it up for you any further. And what’s worse is that no doubt you’re already showing her yours. So you’re right -- you will get plain sloppy when things are going your way. When they aren’t, you’ll get even sloppier.
With your 51% Interest Level woman, you don’t have to work harder -- you just have to work longer. With this honey you should be doing the same exact things as you do with a girl whose Interest Level is bumping the outer limits of space.
Okay. Now, let’s look at what you have – or don’t have – with your two girlfriends. Regarding Charlize, let me quote my cousin, “Fast Eddie” Love: “She loved you so much, she left town!” Maybe Charlize did have 51% Interest Level in you at one point, guy, but apparently you didn’t do anything to move it up the scale or even keep it where it was. In fact, you drove her Interest Level in the opposite direction the more she got to know you. No lady with a growing Interest Level in a guy buys a one-way ticket out of town, so don’t even try to fool yourself about what was going on there.
That leaves us with your current squeeze, Angelina. Sorry to have to break the news to you, Christopher, but Challenge doesn’t work on three types: Feministas, Mercenaries, and Psychos. And a Psycho is what you’ve got on your hands here. This girl’s a ding-dong. You don’t go from telling a guy to his face “Not if you’re the last man on earth!” to suddenly seeing the light of his tremendous desirability out of nowhere. The Reality Factor says: BEWARE OF INCONSISTENT BEHAVIOR. Would you call the sweet Angelina a model of steadiness, or is she more like Norman Bates’ sister?
Finally, you asked my opinion. My opinion is this: you didn’t read my principles closely enough.
Remember, guys: Doc Love’s principles must be memorized.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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