Doc Love Dating Advice
DO SOME MEN MAKE TELEPHONE BLUNDERS?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I just ordered “The System” and am awaiting its delivery, although I’m in a bit of a bind and wished I’d used overnight express.
I recently met Cindy on an Internet dating site. She e-mailed me first, asking me to call her since she wasn’t much of a net “chatter.” Fine with me. She is a single mother with a three-month-old (babies do not scare me), has a steady job and lives on her own, about 45 miles away, so I’m not able to take her out at the drop of a hat. Anyway, she said later that she wanted to make me call her first, but then she turned around and called me first.
We really hit it off by phone. After reading your principles, I discovered that I’ve been talking to Cindy entirely too much on the phone. Our conversations usually last two or three hours. She said that she wanted to get to know me by phone before meeting me, and I didn’t make a fuss over it. Finally, she hinted that she was open on Saturday for a dinner date, and I caught on and asked her out. I know now that I shouldn’t have given in.
Here’s the problem: we met for dinner and had nothing to say to each other. (She did have her child with her; I knew she would ahead of time.) Most of the time Cindy wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. I was stunned by how pretty she was. (My experience with “Internet girls” is that they are generally unattractive.) We both struggled to make conversation, but to no avail, and even after squirting herself in the eye with a lemon, conversation was still sparse. I got a bit frustrated, since our phone talks went so well.
I decided that I would give Cindy a chance to bail out if she wasn’t interested, and asked her if she wanted to get dessert. To my surprise, she accepted and we went to the local ice cream shop. There we had a little more conversation, though nothing like on the phone. I concluded the date at 10:30, citing my long drive back home. In the parking lot, I asked her why she never made eye contact; she said that she is a very shy person and apologized. She asked me to call her after I got out of church the following day. We shook hands and said our goodbyes.
On Sunday she called me first, but I was busy and had to cut the conversation short. I phoned her later and yet again we had another great talk.
It would seem that Cindy is very interested. What should I do at this point to repair the mistakes I’ve committed (long phone conversations, weekend date, asking her out too soon) and how can I make sure she is truly interested in me and not just in getting a daddy for her child?
I haven’t known Cindy long, granted, but she seems like a very stable, confident and genuine person, the sort of person I ought to be spending time with. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Damon – who wishes she would talk face to face
Cindy’s not much of a net chatter? Why do you guys buy right into everything a woman says? If she tells you that 2 plus 2 equals 5, do you have to automatically go along with her? Guy, the reason she wanted to talk to you on the phone is because she had high Interest Level – initially, at least. Otherwise, she’s a net chatter. How do you think you two met?
What I don’t dig about this situation is that Cindy has a 90-day-young child. Wow – only three months old and Mommy’s already dating? Wasn’t she just discharged from the hospital day before yesterday? If this chick moved any faster, she’d be running with the thoroughbreds at Hialeah Park! Uh, by the way – where’s the daddy in this picture? As my cousin “Fast Eddie” Love would say, “Hey -- was this kid even planned?”
When Cindy changed her mind and called you first, she was saying, as Sal “The Fish” Love puts it, “I’m a whack-job!” She wanted to rap with you before meeting you? Damon, you could have disagreed -- without making a fuss over it. (If you make a fuss, you’re a Macho Boy. If you go along with everything she proposes, you’re a wimp. Isn’t this complex?) What you should have said was, “Cindy, why don’t you call a few other guys, and when you get tired of talking to them, e-mail me and we’ll meet at Starbucks and have coffee.” And that would have been the end of all this smoke-blowing! In other words, you call the shots! Stand up for yourself! Show her you’re a tough guy – if you can. Because as you can see, all your telephone yakking is doing you no good whatsoever.
Damon, you caught on to Cindy’s hint all right – but you caught on and gave her the wrong response. When you tell me you had nothing to say to each other over dinner, you’re really saying that she gave you the cold, silent treatment. And you sprang for the food! How smart is that? Now let me ask you a question. I want you to clear your head here -- and that shouldn’t take too long. Do women with high Interest Level really act that way on a date? At first, she seemed to have high Interest Level, but the clock is always ticking and things change. The odds are you didn’t pass the Physical Attraction Test when you finally came face to face, but Cindy was still hungry and she figured, hey, why not have dinner on this chump’s tab anyway?
Have you ever noticed that when women are interested in you, you don’t have to ask them if they’re interested or not? Why were you surprised she accepted the invitation to dessert? Because your gut was telling you that you had her mixed up with someone who cared? Or because you suspected at that point that somebody was out for a free hot fudge sundae with wet maple walnuts and whipped cream?
Let me tell you something, pal – when a girl says she’s “shy,” it’s Womanese for “My Interest Level in you is running at about 5%!” Jeez, you shook hands? What are you – a politician on the stump? Are you trying to win votes or make time? You should be puckering up and kissing this girl on those big, fat, Angelina-Jolie-like bee-stung lips! Wake up, dude!
When Cindy phoned you on Sunday, again you didn’t ask her out. Because you, like most men, don’t know how to close. Then you tell me Cindy’s “very interested.” Let me ask you another question: aren’t drugs illegal in your state? What she’s interested in, Damon, is a meal ticket.
A final thought: woman goes on date, woman refuses to speak to you -- and you call her genuine? As my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “I think we oughta have a lil’ talk ’bout the way yo’ mommy raised you, boy!” She obviously didn’t teach you how to tell the real from the foolery.
Know what, Damon? You should have a special tee shirt made with the words “FREE BABYSITTER” in big block letters emblazoned across the front. That’s where you’re headed with this one.
Remember, guys: If Alexander Graham Bell knew what chaos the telephone would cause, he would never have invented it.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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