Doc Love Dating Advice

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                                         Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I happened to be looking for advice about my current boyfriend when I came across your site. I know that you don’t normally give out advice to females, but maybe my problem can be a warning to guys about what not to say on the third date!

Here’s what happened. I was out last night with this I guy -- I’ll call him Angelo -- I’ve been seeing for about two weeks. He told me while we were driving home from a date that his greatest fear in life is being alone. This really ticked me off because it was like saying (to me, anyhow) that “I’m only dating you because I’m too afraid to sleep in an empty bed!”

It’s the unmanliest thing that any guy has ever said to me. Not to mention that he’s told me that he loves me twice already. In his defense he was drunk both times, but God, this guy comes off like such a loser! Here I thought Angelo had real long-term possibilities for romance, and he comes out with this lame stuff before I hardly even know his full name!

When we got to my apartment, I told Angelo not to say that he loves me again, that all I want is some fun, and not to get married after knowing him for 14 whole days!

The problem is that he’s smart, good-looking, funny, and actually quite independent. To me, these are the four most important qualities in a guy, and you don’t find them very often. I don’t really want to lose him, but I might have no choice but to dump him if he doesn’t get himself under control, and fast.

I was thinking that maybe you could give me the name of your female love-doctor equivalent? Otherwise, I could really use any advice you can give me.

Call this one from:

Jill - who’s frustrated with weaklings

Hi Jill,

Angelo deserves a spanking all right. But before I lay the paddle on him, you deserve a little reprimand too, because you tried to sneak one by me. You said Angelo was “quite independent.” Does an independent guy say the things he’s been saying? Would he have to rely so heavily on his buddy Jack Daniels to get him through a simple date? Would he come off as such a simp? Think about it, Jill.

Nevertheless, I want to thank you very much for your letter, because there’s a great deal of truth in it. As my Uncle Jethro Love says, “The vast majority of men aren’t ‘macho’ -- they’re actually wimps, despite the fact that they can bench-press 300 pounds!” So Jill, whether or not you realize it, you sure hit this one on the head.

Now, you and I are going to train these losers. Let’s say you go out with two guys, and one of them is like Angelo -- he really does have a fear of being alone in the dark, and he can’t stop emoting about it. But so does the other guy. But guess what? The other guy keeps it fun and light and he doesn’t bring it up every five minutes. He laughs and is easygoing and doesn’t blab about his emotional vulnerability. It’s his problem, he’s going to have to live with it, and he’s the only one (with the exception of Sigmund Freud) who can help him find out what the root of his problem is and how to get rid of it. Now my question is this: Which one of these two guys are you going to want to be with? The one who’s fun and light (despite his problem) – or the one who’s filled with angst and need and wears his heart on his sleeve? Do you want a shrinking violet or a man for romance?

But Jill, I’m a coach, not a headshrinker, so my point is this: if it doesn’t raise your Interest Level, why are we talking about it? As Reverend Love once told me, “Negatives keep the heart -- temporarily.”

Let me tell you something: it’s not “unmanly” to be built the way Angelo is built. His parents did a lousy job and I feel sorry for him. But as General Love wrote about the battleground of dating, “You can broadcast your problems to the world, but half the world doesn’t care! (The other half says: ‘You deserve it, pal!’)”

My principles instruct, “On those first dates, the woman should be doing about 75% of the talking.” Look at Angelo – not even two weeks in, and already he’s talking about love! I’ve said it consistently in all my articles. I’ve said it over and over from day one. KEEP IT LIGHT. KEEP IT FUNNY. NO HEAVY SUBJECTS. NO WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY. NO CONFESSIONS OF LOVE. I’ve said it all a million times, but unfortunately, Angelo never read my words. For this type of guy, it probably wouldn’t have made any difference anyway.

And Jill, I feel sorry for you, too, babe. The truth is that in one way or another most guys are like Angelo. Somehow they got the idea that you’re going to come along and just blow away all their pain. But women aren’t there for that reason. As Father Love says, “Women are there to love you. But they can’t take your pain away.”

One final thing. As far as my female counterpart goes, forget it. There isn’t one on the planet who knows the male – or female -- psyche like I do.
As I put it in my Dating Dictionary, “When in doubt, forget about the other love doctors -- refer to ‘The System.’”

Remember, guys: unless it raises Interest Level, why are we talking about this?

To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years, he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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