Doc Love Dating Advice
SHOULD YOU BELIEVE HER – OR YOUR EYES?
Women Don’t Lie – Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach – Doc Love
I recently became aware of your advice columns and have been very impressed with your principles.
I met Joanna recently at a bar. I approached her and asked if she and her friends would like to join my crew for drinks. They accepted, and we all had a blast together. We agreed to meet as a group a few nights later, and again had a great time. Joanna seemed an awesome find, down to earth, sweet, pretty, and fun to be around. Over the last few weeks I’ve seen her once or twice a week. Everything was going great. Well, now for the problem.
On our last date, which was at a party at one of her girlfriend’s apartments, we were out on the balcony kissing when this other guy, Steve, came over and broke up our little session. I didn’t think anything of it, but noticed later that he was trying to put the moves on Joanna. I was angry that he had the audacity to try something when he knew she was with me. Wisely, I played it cool. After we left Joanna was very affectionate with me. I thought that I had handled the situation well and received my reward for that effort.
I thought nothing more of Steve until she told me that she was going to be at a party he and his roommate were hosting. “Have fun -- I’ll be out with my friends,” I told her. At around one in the morning she called my cell phone and said she wanted to see me, so I offered to come and pick her up at the party. That’s when everything went haywire.
When I arrived, everyone was quite drunk and Joanna was nowhere to be seen. I was told she was in the bathroom. I checked, but didn’t find her. It wasn’t in the best form, but I went into one of the bedrooms, and sure enough, there was Joanna on the bed passed out with Steve all cuddled up with her. (They were completely dressed.) I tried to wake her, but to no avail. I was angry and left immediately.
The next day Joanna called and told me how sorry she was, and explained that she’d asked her friends to wake her up when I arrived. She also swore that when she went into the bedroom she was alone and that Steve must have come in after she was already asleep. She professed that she wasn’t at all interested in him and that she wanted to make it up to me. I told her that I could care less what she does when I am not around, but if I am involved, then she would have to show me some respect. I also told her that if it ever happened again that she shouldn't even bother calling me. She told me it wouldn’t.
Now here’s my dilemma. Her girlfriend’s birthday party is coming up and they’ve rented a room at one of the hotels here in Las Vegas. She asked me to go, so I asked if Steve was going to be there too. She said he would, so I told her I wouldn’t be coming considering what had just happened. Now I’m wondering if I should have told her that I would go, but it’s too late to change my mind. My question is, how do you think I’ve handled this so far and what can I do to aid my cause against Steve? Furthermore, my gut tells me that Joanna has been telling some half-truths and lies of omission in reference to this guy. But on the other hand, why would she ask me to come pick her up if she was interested in him? What steps do I need to take to make her more interested in me than Steve or any other guys?
Allen – who’s not sure what to believe
You might be reading my columns, but you’re certainly not paying attention to my advice. As I’ve told you guys again and again, group dates are a no-no. Being in a group was fine when you first met Joanna; in fact, bringing your two crews together was a cool move. But once you’ve made contact with the girl, staying in a crowd of people is nothing but a waste of time. The idea is to separate the one you’re interested in from the herd, like a good hunter. As Caesar counseled, “Divide and conquer!” Hey -- are you interested in Joanna or her friends?
Now, regarding your rivalry with Steve, as my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say, “You should take it as a compliment that he tried to rip you off.” But the other guy doesn’t really matter, pal. It’s all in how you handle the girl -- and yourself -- that counts, and you haven’t done such a hot job of either. Let’s take a look at what you did wrong.
So -- you offered to come and pick Joanna up from Steve’s little soiree? I don’t claim to have psychic powers, but from that little move I think I can guess your last name: L--U--Z--Z--E--R. (Hint: It sounds just like LOSER.) My God, Allen -- you’re supposed to be a stud. You’re supposed to be a lover. You’re supposed to be a devil-may-care-type of guy that every girl in town wants, and here you’re doing the perfect imitation of a taxicab! You think a female can actually respect, much less have a high Interest Level in you, when you act like a wimp? Get off your knees, for God’s sake, and be a man!
But unfortunately we know it gets worse. Of course Steve and your girl were all dressed up when you walked in on them. They were dressed because they were through doing what they’d been doing. That way it wouldn’t look as if they were doing what they were doing! Get it, dummy? So upon making this shocking discovery, what do you do? You go back for another poke in the eye.
Afterwards Joanna wants to make up with you. Isn’t that wonderful? Allen – she was sleeping in bed in another guy’s arms! How is she supposed to make that up to you? Maybe by handing over the Kimberly Mine? By the fact that you told her you could care less what she does when you aren’t around, you achieved the exact opposite of what you were out to do --- you showed her you do care, because it was important enough for you to bring up! Who do you think you’re talking to, an idiot? Don’t ever talk down to a woman. They’re smarter than we are, don’t forget.
Guy, respect is earned. But you’re too busy begging Joanna on your knees to let you chauffeur her all over town to earn yours. Let’s face it -- you’re even willing to pick her up when she’s in the arms of another man in bed! (Oh, but that was all an accident!)
And at the end of this debacle, you tell her that it can never happen again. Wow, I’m impressed – you’re a regular Mister Tough Guy! Allen, your only dilemma is this: you’re 10 years too late laying down the law. Forget Vegas. The party’s over.
Remember, guys: your eyes never lie.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one woman versus another?”
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