Doc Love Dating Advice

                              Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
                                    Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I am sure you get tons of questions like this but I need some good pointers.

I’ve known this girl for a year, ran into her every so often on campus and we would talk casually. Then one day my buddy hands me her phone number. She gave it to him and asked him to have me call her, so I did. It took awhile but we finally got in touch.

We talked on the phone quite a bit for a few weeks and then I ran into her at a local pub. While there, after a few bottles of liquid courage, I asked her "So do you think we could ever date?" She said “Yeah, I think that’s possible.” She also said, “I really like you for your mind" which surprised me. I’ve never had a girl tell me that before.

Since then, which was at the beginning of May, we’ve talked a lot more on the phone and have been hanging out together quite a bit. We’ve had in depth conversations about family, growing up, our backgrounds, our life goals and dreams. We get along fantastically and laugh a lot whenever we’re together. Anyway, to the meat of the question.

We were talking about a rather serious issue the other night and I told her that I’m there for her and that even if it’s at 4 am in the morning she can call me for support. So she stops, turns to me and says: " I really enjoy talking to you and I am having fun getting to know you more, and I want to continue to get to know you more, but I want to take it slow and take my time. Do you understand what I am telling you?"  I told her that I understood and that that was cool.

So what I want to know is, is there good potential here and how do I go about keeping her interested in me and make sure that it’s going to develop into a relationship all at the same time? I really, really think she is special and I want this to go in the right direction. I don’t what to put in a lot of time to have it only develop into another pretty female friend relationship because I have plenty of those.

Give me what you got doc.
Donovan – who needs if he’s on the right track

Hi Donovan.

Your girl friend wants to take it slow? Donovan, if you took it any slower you’d be in a state of rigor mortis. I mean, dude, If you laid back any further you wouldn’t be breathing. But let’s and start at the top.

You knew this girl for a year and you never asked for her phone number. What were you waiting for, a sign from the heavenly hosts? Luckily for you, she had such high Interest Level (at least initially) that she did your job for you and got the ball rolling. If she hadn’t, the two of you would still only be chit chatting during accidental encounters on campus.

Then, once you had her number you talked with her on the phone for “a few weeks” and never asked her out?  Donovan, you’ve got about as much gumption as a slug. But, unfortunately, this story gets even worse.

Even after the alcohol cut down the fear factor for you, you came up with one of the weakest, most wimp-assed, wussified ways of asking a girl out that I’ve ever heard of: “So do you think we could ever date?” No wonder she responded so half-heartedly and then gave you that “I really like you for your mind” line. “I really like you for your mind” is Womanese for, “Not if you were the last man on the island.”

After that, you were back to your favorite addiction, the phone. I think, Donovan, that I’m going to have to rename you Mr. AT&T. Listen, you’ve got to wean yourself from this telephonic crutch, guy. Of course, considering your state of ignorance, what I just said may not make much sense to you. Please allow me to explain.

The telephone is a technological device that is, in the context of wooing women, only to be used to set up your next date. You should only spend five minutes max on that sucker and then get the hell off the line. Yes, guys, beware. Talking on the phone is dangerous. It’s like juggling with nitro. One slip and the next thing you know, things are blowing up in your face.

Never have an extended chat-fest on the phone with a girl you are courting. Or as my Cousin, Sal, “The Fish” love would say, “The less she knows about you, the more she’ll want you.”

Donovan, I regretfully must inform you that, as far as romance goes, your relationship with your girl-friend is DOA. If you just take your head out of you the sand and take an objective look at the facts, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.
Look, there you were, offering her unconditional love and support in her time of emotional stress and at that very moment she drops a whammy on you! A girl with high Interest Level would have hugged you warmly and thanked your for your commitment and support. But what does this girl do? She tells you, in Womanese, that she wants to distance herself from you. As Shakespeare would say, “Something’s rotten in Denmark.”

Donovan, you say that you don’t want to put in a lot of time into this relationship, only to have it develop into “another pretty female friend relationship” because you have plenty of those. Well, Donovan, as far as I can see you don’t seem to have any problem putting unlimited time into it. You took a year to go out with her. You’ve talked on the phone with her for weeks and weeks and have spent hours and hours with her and as far as I can tell, you haven’t even tried to kiss her. But at this point, to try would be an exercise in futility.

And the last bit of bad news, Donovan, is that what you’ve got here IS “another pretty female friend relationship.” This is your life. This is your pattern with women. You stay as passive as you can, terrified of risking any kind of rejection and you don’t let women see the real man that you are. We’ve got to start building your confidence and raise your testosterone level.

Please, for the love of Pete, start studying and practicing “The “Sytem.” If you do, soon you’ll no longer be playing the role of butler, therapist and  “Mr. Shoulder to CryOn” in your relationships with women. Instead you’ll be getting’ some real action.

Remember, guys: don’t volunteer to be the victim.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about "The System," visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.  

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"    

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