Doc Love Dating Advice

WHY WOULD ANY WOMAN CHOOSE A  “DOUGHBOY” OVER MR. BUFF?
                                 Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
                                          Success Coach - Doc Love

Dear, Doc,

I am a very attractive, intelligent man with a sleek, sexy body that I enjoy flaunting at the gym. I must admit that I enjoy getting female attention and compliments without exerting any effort.

Please help me understand something, however. Sometimes I see a couple at the gym. Now the woman is a babe, but the guy she is with is a lump, what women call a "doughboy." I love the challenge of diverting the woman's attention away from her doughboy.

But why would a woman with great looks stay with a lumpy guy with no elegance or obvious sexual appeal. Is she non-sexual herself? Is she insecure? Or is she intimidated by male beauty and plays it safe?  You would wonder why a woman who admires her looks and works out would want to risk having dumpy looking kids!

Sometimes I have engaged myself in scintillating flirting sessions with such a woman while her man is somewhere else. I always start to feel sorry for the guy when that happens. In one extreme (but rare) situation, a girl necked with me on the airplane for two hours during a night flight, and then upon arrival introduced me to her husband.

I would certainly consider pursuing such a woman from an attraction standpoint, but if she has the capacity to be disloyal like that, then I would rather not bother.

Bart – who would like you to comment

Hi Bart,

Well, you’ve presented some interesting questions, but first I have to take you to task. Something about you seems a bit off kilter, namely: when you say you enjoy “flaunting” your body, you sound like a chick.  

If I were to lookup the definition of “narcissist” in the dictionary I know I’d find something like this: 1) A person who is excessively fascinated with his or her own appearance. 2) That guy named Bart.

Dude, you seem to be quite taken with yourself. But your preoccupation with your looks is clouding your vision. You say you love the “challenge” of diverting a hot looking woman’s attention away from her “doughboy.” Let me ask you, Bart. Is there any reason for such a sleazy move, other than for your own ego gratification?

Your concept of the proper way to relate to your fellow human beings is rather, shall we say, immature and uncaring. This is where your mind goes when you’re around your gym mates, getting off on trying to sabotage other people’s relationships? You’d be better off spending your time either taking your workout seriously, or at least hitting on women who aren’t attached.

I’m not done yet. Let me give you a quote from one of the best selling books in history: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Or, as my acupuncturist Dr. Lao would say, “This kind of action make much bad Karma!”

Why do these women choose a guy who isn’t buff like someone such as yourself? Well, Bart, although to you, looks are everything, to a lot of people they’re not. They’re only part of the equation. What you fail to see is that that Mr. Pie Man with the babe has other qualities that outweigh his lack of physical attractiveness. He may be incredibly talented and funny and fun to be with. Maybe he’s extra confident with super high self-esteem and his woman finds those qualities more irresistible than anything. Maybe he’s the best lover she’s ever had.

And you know, just because a woman is super hot looking it doesn’t mean that she’s also super intelligent. Maybe Mr. Lumpy is extra brainy and she looks up to him because she has the brains of a ping pong ball. Maybe she’s in love and isn’t thinking that her kids will turn out lumpy too but rather that they’ll have his brains and her own good looks. Or, possibly, he’s her father figure and he makes her feel safe and secure, and to feel that way is her highest priority.

A less noble reason that a woman might be with a flabby guy is that she could be a mercenary who is just using him for his money and she cheats on him with guys she meets on airplanes. Or, she could be insecure or intimidated by male beauty, two things that you mentioned, Bart, and that would put her in the low self-esteem category.

The Bottom Line Factor says that is that there are a variety of reasons why any one woman might be with a particular guy.  You never know until you give her the intensive, comprehensive interview.

But before I finish, Bart, let me mention that you should keep in mind that it’s not inconceivable that your perfect body will one day no longer be so perfect and you’ll find yourself wishing that you had found a woman who doesn’t make physical appearance her highest priority. Take that idea as a jawbreaker and suck on it for awhile.

And if you don’t want to wind up in a relationship with a woman who would be disloyal to you, then don’t go around enabling women who have tendencies to be disloyal. To you Psych majors, what goes around comes around.

Remember, guys: looks might get it going but personality and attitude keep it going.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.    

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”      

© Copyright 2003 DocLove DotCom, Inc.


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