Doc Love Dating Advice
DO COMPLIMENTS RAISE INTEREST LEVEL?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I'm a woman who has read your column several times on askmen.com, and I have to compliment you on your incredible insight! When I read your column, it's like being with a psychic who can tell me things about myself that are definitely true, but I'd never really thought about. As far as my romantic tendencies are concerned, you seem to know me better than I do!
In one of your columns you advised men not to compliment women too much. At first I didn't agree with this, but after my date last Friday I think you are dead-on. Here's what happened: I was getting ready for my third date with a man whom I had High Interest Level in.
To me, the third date is an important date, when men seem to decide if they want to go forward with a relationship or not. Since I really wanted a relationship with this guy because our first two dates went so well, I put a lot of effort into getting ready for our third date. You know how brides get transformed on their wedding day? I went to similar lengths.
My friend, a cosmetologist, spent 45 minutes blowing out my hair and another 45 minutes applying my make-up (it looked very natural and just made me look a lot better). I wore an outfit that really accentuated my curves without being overtly sexual. I probably went from a 7 to a 9 in two hours.
My efforts were definitely noticed. My date gave me at least ten compliments during the course of the evening, on all aspects of my appearance. He seemed enraptured by me. What's so ironic is that this was exactly what I was hoping for, and at the time I enjoyed the compliments. Yet the effect it eventually had on me was to lower my Interest Level in him, and I really don't know why. Is it low self-esteem on my part?
Logically, I want a man who compliments me, finds me beautiful, and is crazy about me. But honestly, I would have been much more turned on if he'd simply played it cool and maybe briefly commented on my appearance by mentioning that I looked nice. The next two times he called me, I was pretty distant and on the verge of being rude.
Anyhow, I just wanted to share that with you because I'm sure many people question your advice and I wanted to validate what you've known all along.
Is there any way that you could also write a column for women? You are extremely perceptive, and I'm sure you know a lot about what makes men respond to women, and what we do that lowers their Interest Level. There is a huge group of women who could use your advice.
Paula Ė who canít stand boot-lickers.
So, I seem to know you better than you know yourself. Well, Paula, thatís why they call me the first man in 6000 years to understand women. You didnít agree with me at first because you had a knee-jerk reaction to my politically incorrect take on the mating dance. But when your own experience validated what Iíve been saying, you saw the light. Iím glad.
You mentioned that the third date is when men decide whether they want to go forward with the relationship or not. Well, my love, thatís an interesting thought, but you missed it again. The third date is one of the many junctures where the woman decides whether to go further with the relationship or not.
The man doesnít decide. He doesnít know where things are going until the woman informs him either subtly or not so subtlety. The man merely shows up, often in a clueless state, and waits for the woman to give him, however she conveys it, a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Get it?
And when you put all that preparatory time and effort into maximizing your strike power, it wasnít because it was your third date with the guy. Third date shmerd date. No, it was because your Interest Level in this guy was reaching critical mass. You were enthralled and you decided it was time to pull out all the stops. Ahh, the power and inspiration of High Interest Level. See, Paula, I got you again.
The other dead giveaway of your extra high level of romantic interest in this guy was that you likened your personal beautifying efforts to that of a bride on her wedding day. Women make matrimonial references like that only when the guy they like is setting off the lovely chime of wedding bells in their ears. To you Psych majors, this is what women do when they donít have low Interest Level.
Now we must move on to the sad part. Unfortunately, your guy allowed your stunning appearance to have too much of an impact on him, and so your romantic interest and level of respect for him irretrievably plummeted. You didnít know it, Paula, but you were testing him to see if he would lose it when you came on with the heavy artillery. You administered the test, and, sadly, he failed. Like most men, he couldnít control his mouth. You started to see him as a panting puppy who was too happy to be there.
And by the way, your reaction of being dismayed by the excessive number of compliments from your date had nothing to do with your having a lack of self-esteem. Your reaction was healthy and appropriate. Itís the person with low self-esteem who can never get enough compliments.
Whether you know it or not, Paula, you did the right thing by cutting this guy loose. Your Interest Level will never rise to the same level that it was prior to his blunders, even if he were to do everything right from now on, which he wonít. If he calls again, which he will, make sure to tell him to study ďThe SystemĒ so that he can properly and successfully court the next woman that he has a shot with.
Will I ever write a column for women? I never say never, but itís not likely. Women understand men. Women have all the advantages in the dating and mating game. Itís men who need help. A lot of help.
Remember, guys: before you open your mouth, ask yourself, ďIs this going to help my cause?Ē
To send me your love questions or to find out more about ďThe System,Ē visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, ďWhy do you stay with one man versus another?Ē
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