Doc Love Dating Advice
STAR WIMPS: IS DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS TRAINING YOUNG MEN TO BE WUSSIES?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I wanted to talk about something you're very right about – the media brainwashing of men in the area of romance. Here’s a blatant example: I was watching Star Wars-Episode II on DVD recently. In this movie, the Jedi character, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) and Senator Padme’ Amidala (Natalie Portman) fall in love.
But the way the film portrayed their courtship was, frankly, embarrassing. This guy poured out every insecurity, vulnerability and longing he had right in front of her face. "My soul is in torment because of you;" "I've been thinking of you everyday for 10 years;" "I cannot live without you!” I mean this was some sickeningly sappy stuff.
Doc, it was excruciating to watch. Tough Jedi knight becomes p-whipped wimp in front of the most beautiful woman in the Galaxy. And worse, this method of courtship seemed, in this movie, to work like a charm. She falls straight into his arms, swooning! Does this guy have even a remote concept of Self-Control, or Challenge, which are the REAL guy qualities? Everyone else watching the film with me thought it was soooo romantic and heart warming. I sat there doing everything I could do to keep from upchucking!
Since this is a Sci- Fi film, a disproportionately large amount of men would see this film, one of the top grossing films ever. And how many men, especially young guys and teenagers, would get the impression that "tough" Jedi's ways of courting the girl is a great one? And might they try and repeat this with girls they like? After all, if it works for the cool Jedi Knight, it's got to work for them!
So, guys, don't listen to what the media says - they have no idea how proper relationships work, only idealized fantasies. Here's hoping that this brainwashing comes to an end soon, and “The System” gets to all guys everywhere in this and other Galaxies.
Dennis - who wants to warn his fellow warriors
Yeah man. I watched “Star Wars – Episode II, Attack of the Clones” and I really enjoyed a lot the action scenes, but I agree with you. The romantic part of the story was not only vapid and embarrassingly stupid, but it was also filled with dangerous and destructive messages for men. To you Psych majors, it sucked.
If you had seen the film prior to having an understanding of “The System”, Dennis, you probably wouldn’t have thought twice about the dysfunctional courtship style of the movie’s hero. Without having a reference point for the truth, the misleading subliminal messages would have sunk directly into your subconscious, sending you further down the road towards rejection and confusion in your love life. Fortunately, you had already awakened from the spell of media dis-information, and you were able to see things objectively.
It’s discouraging to see this kind of pablum so shamelessly perpetrated upon the unsuspecting masses. But take heart, Dennis, in the fact that the lack of credibility in the romantic aspects of the film did not go unnoticed in the press. The film’s failings in this regard were so awesomely blatant that even the mainstream media took notice.
Many film critics commented that Hayden Christensen was woefully miscast as the romantic lead, that there was an utter lack of chemistry between him and Natalie Portman and that their intimate dialogue was horribly mundane and cliched. So, you see, Dennis, all is not lost. If it gets bad enough, people (at least some people) will say, “Hey wait a minute, we don’t buy this, it’s not entertaining and it insults our intelligence!”
Still, I must point out that this ridiculous style of whining and begging as a method for successful courtship by the male lead in films is all too common. One of the most destructive relationship myths perpetrated by moviemakers over the past several decades is this: if you pour your guts out, she’ll fall in love with you. Confess your lovesick infatuation with her, tell her how you simply cannot live without her and she’ll be so impressed and flattered that her Interest Level will magically rise to match yours. Unfortunately, when a real man in the real world employs these strategies with a real woman, he comes out the loser, not the winner of her heart.
The sad thing is that there’s no good reason on God’s green earth why the entire story of “Attack of the Clones” couldn’t have been deeply inspiring and enlightening. It’s supposed to be about a Hero’s Journey of empowerment, conquering evil and winning the heart of the most beautiful, awe-inspiring woman in the Galaxy.
What an incredible opportunity George Lucas wasted, not only to entertain but also to teach and inspire young men. All that technology, all that talent and all that money, and they can’t come up with a credible, compelling story and a male lead who commands our respect. It boggles the mind! Wouldn’t it have been wonderful if they actually had given the male dominated hordes of Sci-Fi fans a real Hero as a role model? Hopefully they’ll learn from their mistakes, but don’t count on it.
Remember, guys: kissing up only works in Hollywood.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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