Doc Love Dating Advice
HELP DOC, MY DATE HAS HISTRIONIC/ NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER!
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Recently, after I had a few dates with a very attractive woman, she began appearing to me as unusually self-centered and inconsiderate yet weirdly clingy and coming across as though our relationship was MUCH more intimate than it actually was. She kissed me on the first date and did almost everything else correctly, sometimes too correctly, but I kept noticing odd things about her attitude.
I started wondering if there was a clinical diagnosis for the tendencies that she was exhibiting. So I did a web search using these keywords: "self-centered, inconsiderate personality" just to see what would come up. The results blew me away.
I discovered that this girl had "Histrionic/Narcissistic Personality Disorder" She met all five of the criteria for the disorder: 1) Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) 2) Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love - believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) 3) Requires excessive admiration - has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations. 4) Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends - lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. 5) Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her - shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
When I related these symptoms to some of my buddies, they observed that "this sounds like every woman in the world". It would certainly describe most beautiful women. You see Doc? Here’s scientific data supporting your idea that “The Beautiful Woman is the most dangerous creature on the planet.”
Another site gave hints and tips on how to deal with someone in your life who has this disorder, and here's the kicker: In many ways your "System" mirrored the tips given on that psychology site and perfectly describe the best way to deal with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder!
I just thought that you’d enjoy knowing that the scientific/psychology community validates your principles and strategies. Pretty interesting don’t ya think Doc?
Ray - who wants to know how you would call it
Let me commend you on the fruitful fact finding mission you’ve completed. Good work. You’ve come up with some very interesting info.
As you know, I’m no psychiatrist. I got a “D” in my psychology class at Fresno State. But I was always interested in understanding why a woman chooses to stay with one man versus another. The way I found the answer to that question was by pounding the pavement and interviewing over 10,000 women over a couple of decades. This is how “The System” was born.
In the course of my exhaustive research, I learned a lot of things that I never learned in books. And besides my earth shaking discovery of the principles of Challenge and Interest Level, there’s another thing I discovered: Any woman can have a problem personality, but the more beautiful a woman is, the more likely she is to be a spoiled, self centered high-maintenance head case. As my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “It’s the lookers who are all the trouble.”
Fortunately, there are beautiful women out there who are loving and giving and are also clinically sane. My job, as your relationship coach, is to help you weed out the loonies from the lovelies before you say “I do.” Or as the Bible says, to “separate the wheat from the chaff”
But before we get to Doc Love’s prescription for the week, allow me to rant for a moment. America has the know-how to crack the DNA code but we don’t have the smarts to make a dent in our 50% divorce rate. In over thirty years the numbers haven’t budged!
But, one way that men as a gender could make a difference in these disheartening statistics would be to adopt a healthy selection criterion when choosing a mate. Men are generally not objective, nor are they discriminating when it comes to affairs of the heart. To you Psych majors, they leap before they look. But men can learn to play it smart and thereby increase their chances of success in the game of love.
The idea is that if any particular babe that you’re dating has any or all of the destructive character traits on that list, Ray, then you want to determine that as soon as possible, before you get in too deep, (either emotionally, financially or even just in terms of time spent.) So while you are with her during her initial probationary couple of months, you must look for what I call “Flags.”
Flags, in this context, are subtle or sometimes not so subtle, telltale signs that your date is a self-absorbed user who does not qualify as a long term relationship material. Here are some of the most common flags that you will see:
ONE: She fails to exhibit any genuine curiosity about you, your life and what’s important to you. For example, while you’re sharing about your passion for helping save whales, you can feel how she’s preoccupied and just waiting for you to finish talking so she can tell you more about her.
TWO: She constantly name drops and brags about her professional accomplishments. You know the type. She’s convinced that she going to be famous and soon and she wants you to know all about it.
THREE: She’s treats service people as sub-human. When you’re out having dinner together, she orders your waiter around the way the cruel stepsisters did with Cinderella. (Always observe how she treats the hired help. It will tell you a lot about her character.)
FOUR: She keeps asking probing questions, attempting to determine how much money you make. One of my students recently told me how his date, on their second night out together, asked him: “So what’s the most expensive gift you’ve ever given a woman?”
The Narcissistic woman always has a hidden agenda, along with a severe deficiency in the integrity department. The problem is that most men don’t pick up on these things because their own high Interest Level blinds them to reality.
Remember, guys: you’ve got to be on the lookout for those flags.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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