Doc Love Dating Advice

                            Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
                                      Success Coach - Doc Love

Hi Doc,

I live in Chicago where I work as a mortgage broker. Iím 35 years old. Iíve been divorced for only about 6 months now and I have full custody of our 6-year-old daughter. (Her mother went off the deep end and is now in a residential drug rehabilitation program Ö for the third time around.)

Now that Iíve gotten past a lot of the pain and disappointment over the failure of my marriage Iím ready to start dating again. Also, fortunately Iíve finally found a baby sitter that I can trust, so Iíll be able to go out for an entire evening and not have to be checking in every hour.

My problem is that itís been almost eight years since I last went out on a date, and I donít have a lot of confidence in my skills with women.  I feel like it would be so easy for me to wind up doing something stupid. The idea of going out somewhere with the specific purpose of meeting women seems rather daunting at this point.

But my buddy told me that you are ĎDa Maní when it comes to dating. So do you have any helpful hints for a divorced dad whoís just starting to date again?


Garth Ė who needs coaching

Hi Garth,

Sorry to hear about your ex-wife. Your unfortunate experience with matrimony should remind all mankind of the importance of fully and accurately evaluating the character of any potential mate prior to tying that knot thatís not so easily untied. To you psych, majors, after you say I do, itís too late.  

I understand your trepidation about getting back in the dating game. As far as dating goes, youíve been in suspended animation for almost a decade, dude. Yes, youíve been out of the proverbial loop, Garth, and we need to give you some basic training so that you donít get creamed out there. Starting from square one, as you are, Itís pretty darned easy to end up having your cojones handed to you on a platter before you even know whatís happened. Yes, Itís a jungle out there, Garth, but Iím going to give you a map to find your way through it and emerge not only unscathed but triumphant. That map is called ďThe System.Ē So get it and study it diligently. In the meantime, here are some ideas for you.

Thereís absolutely no reason to throw yourself directly into the lionís den by going out to bars and clubs to try to meet women. To succeed in those kinds of environments you really have to be on your game, and I think it would just be too awkward and stressful for you.

But, Internet dating would be perfect for you. Every month, more and more people are joining Internet dating services. Men used to far outnumber women on those sites, but in the last couple of years, things have really shifted. One of the most popular dating sites has become so successful that theyíre now running clever, big budget ads on prime-time television, making Internet dating even more popular and socially acceptable.

Internet dating is easy and convenient. You can check out hundreds of potential candidates while you sit in your favorite chair in the comfort of your home. And here are a couple of quick Internet dating tips: Never write more than four e-mails back and forth before you Ďcloseí for an in person meeting with the woman youíre communicating with.

And donít spend any more time than thirty minutes with any woman on your first Ďmeet for coffeeí date. If the two of you arenít hitting it off, spending a half an hour is just long enough to make you look as if youíre not eager to get the hell out of there, even if you are. If the two of you are really clicking and you know that youíd like to meet her again, when you bow out gracefully after half an hour, youíll be a real Challenge in her eyes, and you will be laying the groundwork for her to fall for you.

There is something else that divorced Dadís in particular should keep in mind when they are out on a date. Whether itís the first informal coffee meeting or the tenth date, the number one most important rule is this: Do not under any circumstances talk about your ex wife. Divorced dads have a terrible habit of pouring their guts out about how their ex did them wrong and how itís affected the children and how their capacity to trust has been lost etc. etc. etc. Doing this only makes you look like a resentful loser who doesnít know how to have a good relationship.

So even if your date demonstrates great concern and curiosity about what you might have been through in your past relationships, you must steer the conversation elsewhere, regardless of how much you may be comforted and encouraged by the fact that someone is offering a sympathetic ear. If you need someone to listen to you while you recount the painful episodes of your failed marriage, go hire a therapist, or, if youíre on a budget, a priest or a rabbi will do the trick.

Whenever youíre out on with a date, keep the conversation positive and upbeat. When youíre back home after having had a successful meeting with one of your new relationship candidates, the moments that you will savor and look back on with fondness will be the ones where you kept it light and fun.

Remember, guys: the less she knows about you, the more curious she will be about you.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about ďThe System,Ē visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.    

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, ďWhy do you stay with one man versus another?Ē      

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