Doc Love Dating Advice

               WHEN SHE SHOOTS YOU DOWN, DON’T REACT NEGATIVELY
                                          Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
                                                  Success Coach - Doc Love

Dear Doc,

During the break of a conference I recently attended, a man approached me and struck up a conversation. His manner was warm and friendly and we chatted for several minutes about our personal and professional lives. But then, suddenly, his demeanor drastically changed.

The warmth turned to ice as he started looking around and backing away from me. He mumbled "nice talking with you" and walked off. I felt shocked and hurt. Obviously, I didn't know him from Adam, and the hurt soon passed. But I'm a student of human behavior and I was really curious as to what caused him to shift from engaging interest to chilly withdrawal in a nanosecond.

It later dawned on me that I had mentioned something about "my boyfriend" right before he ejected from our conversation. Hmmm....mystery solved.

So, Doc, can you shed a little more light on this particular form of male rudeness? And while you're at it, can you send a message to the guys out there on the prowl that the woman they're scanning for availability is a fellow human being. What goes around comes around.

Thanks,

Grace – who believes in common courtesy

Hi Grace,

You’ve given us a very interesting real-life snapshot of social interaction between the sexes, and I agree with you. If this guy had had any class, he would have spent two more minutes chatting with you after you mentioned the “B” word, and then he would have said “Nice meeting you” with enthusiasm and a smile. Only two minutes and a little extra effort, but what a difference it would have made in your perception of him.

And if he had been smart he would have asked you if you had any single girl friends that you might have introduced him to. But instead, he took the low road, spread some bad vibes and sabotaged any opportunities he might have had to be introduced by you, Grace, to other available women who might have been there with you.

Guys, when you’re talking with a woman that you’re interested in and she makes it as plain as the absence of a nose on Michael Jackson’s face, that she’s unavailable, you should always remain polite and positive. Whether she conveys the unfortunate news blatantly or subtly, do not flinch. For all you know, her drop-dead gorgeous and unattached sister could show up in the next three minutes and you’ll have an instant introduction. When you’re on the prowl, why do anything to diminish your possibilities for romance? The guy in Grace’s example shot himself in the foot and came off as a classless creep. Stupid!

His behavior reminds me of the telemarketers who call you and are so charming and friendly and sweet and seductive until you gently inform them that you’re not interested in their product. Then they turn on you like a cranky pitbull. That kind of behavior is truly obnoxious and destructive.  But some human beings just don’t have much humanity.

All right, but let’s look at the whole picture, Grace. In this guy’s defense, many, many women who are in committed relationships are inappropriately friendly and flirty with other men. Some women lead guys on all the time. They give out their phone numbers when they’re unavailable. They go out on dates when they’re unavailable. Some even make out with other guys when they’re unavailable.

Maybe this guy you met, Grace, had been led on and then shot down one too many times in the last month or so, and he just cracked when you laid another disappointment on him. He incorrectly perceived your ten minutes of friendliness as a setup so you could crush him, probably because he had been experiencing a lot of rejection lately. Women do need to have some compassion for the burden that men carry in the mating dance. Our egos are tender because we’re the ones who constantly have to risk rejection.

Remember, guys: when you get turned down, show some class.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.    

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”      

© Copyright 2002 DocLove DotCom, Inc.


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