Doc Love Dating Advice
PLAYERS AREN’T ALL BAD
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I want to comment on your column: “When “The One" Isn't Pretty Enough.” Your advice to Blake is right on target, a message to us to be a gentleman and not a jerk or a player. The quote, "Beauty fades, but attitude lasts forever" is really original and respectful to women.
That leads me to my dating problem. Is it too late to use "The System" after I already blew it by telling my friend that I like her?
Boris - who wants more info
Thanks, I appreciate the compliment. And it’s admirable that being respectful to women is a high priority for you. But there is also a tone in your correspondence that makes me suspect that you may be suffering from a case of Nice-Guy-itis. Why am I suspicious? Because, in your very first sentence you placed such importance on disassociating yourself from those men that you would label as “jerks” or “players.”
What you must realize is that those “jerks” and “players”, however lacking in integrity they may be, have a lot of women chasing after them. So even though I wouldn’t recommend that you model your overall behavior after them, they do have certain charismatic qualities that you can emulate to enhance your success with women. As my bible totin’ cousin Brother Love would say, “son, you must separate the wheat from the chaf.”
You need to UNderstand, Boris, that being somewhat Unpredictible and UNavailable is not being disrespectful to women. On the contrary, women find those behaviors to be alluring, mysterious and exciting. And how could giving women what they want and meeting their emotional needs be considered being disrespectful to them?
Knowing that you are on the sensitive side of the spectrum of the male populace, I’m concerned that you may attempt to verify OR invalidate what I’ve just told you, by soliciting the opinions of various females that you know. But I feel that I would be remiss not to give you this admonition. Don’t friggin’ do it! You’ll only become more confused if you do.
One of the most powerful axioms of “The System” is that you cannot determine what women want by asking them directly. If you try asking women what they want, they will only mislead you. They will talk your ear off about what qualities they desire in a man, but they are essentially incapable of clearly communicating what male traits they actually deeply respond to emotionally.
If you don’t believe me, all you have to do is pick any three women to interview. Then notice the contrast between the character traits that they tell you that they value most in a mate and the actual character traits of the various men that they have stayed with for any length of time throughout their lives. To you Psych majors, they don’t know what the hell they want.
Initially they’ll always recite the usual cliché things like sensitivity and a good sense of humor as being the qualities they value most. Maybe they’ll be honest enough to mention that primal, primitive physical attraction is a prerequisite. Those who have mercenary tendencies may even tell you that they want to be with a guy who is “ambitious” (which is Womanese for wealthy). But a clinically sane woman who isn’t a mercenary will always respond first and foremost to the qualities in a man known as The Three C’s.
What are these three essential C’s? No, they’re not Cash, Corvettes and Cocaine. What women really want, what they long for whether they know it or not, are the three most powerful attributes that a man a man can posses: Confidence, (self) Control and Challenge. (For an in depth explanation of The Three C’s refer to “The System”.)
I share all of this with you, Boris, to support you in finding your center. Somewhere in the middle between the extremes of the self-absorbed Macho Jerk and the wimpy Teddy Bear Guy, is the Real Man who has a healthy respect for women and lives and breathes The Three C’s.
Now, to answer your question, Boris. If your female “friend” had a level of romantic interest in you of 90% or higher, then your anti-Challenge behavior of telling her that you “like” her will have done little or nothing to lower her Interest Level. But if she began with an Interest Level in you of 89% or lower, I can guarantee you that it’s lower than that now. And the lower it was to begin with, the greater the number of percentage points it will have dropped since the execution of your big boo-boo.
But that doesn’t mean that it’s too late to start using “The System.” Even if this gal’s level of romantic interest in you has sunk below the critical 50% threshold or, never was any higher than that to begin with, “The System”will insure your success with the next one that comes along.
Remember, guys: players aren’t all bad.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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