Doc Love Dating Advice

       WOULD JAMES CAAN BUY EVERYTHING SHE TELLS HIM?
            Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                 Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I’ve been going out with Romy for a year and a half and just recently she’s given me a reason not to trust her.

She had always been very real with me. I’ve always hated when other guys talk to her. I know I can’t do anything about it, but I simply do not trust single guys around her. Anyway, she just started college, and she met several new guys who happen to be in her group. They had to meet outside of school for some projects, and in the beginning I overreacted about it but then got over it.

For the past couple of days now I’ve gone into Romy’s e-mail and found messages that she wrote to one of the guys about going to the beach and hanging out with him behind my back. I got very angry about it but I didn’t call her on it right away. First I asked her if she’d been talking to any of these guys about hanging out or if they asked her out, and she kept saying no. I just wanted her to admit what she said to this guy, but she refused.

After I admitted looking at her e-mail, Romy finally broke down and said that the whole thing had only been an inside joke. She added that I would never have believed her if she told me the truth and that she would have felt the same if I did the same thing to her behind her back.

Long story short, I need to know if I should just dump Romy now and be done with it or give her another chance to make things faithful between us. I really want to be with her, Doc, but I also hate to be played on. I don’t believe her and she has lost my trust.

The Bull - who doesn’t like being gullible

Hi Bull,

It’s okay, if not natural; to dislike other guys talking to your girl. I just hope you didn’t put on a long face and pout whenever guys were putting the moves on her. Because what happens if you toss a hissy fit is that you show the girl that in the future if she ever wants to control you or get to you, all she has to do is talk to another guy. Like my cousin General Love says, “What you’re actually doing when you lose control of yourself is giving her information and ammo for future battles – that she’s going to win!”

So you’re going about this all wrong, Bull. You have to realize that all single guys are after Romy and that’s fine. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “That’s just a fact of life when you have someone who looks like Kate Beckinsale hanging off your arm.” But don’t worry about all those other guys. To you Psych majors, it’s her you have to worry about. How does she react to all this attention? Does she tell these other dudes that she has a boyfriend and try to keep them at arm’s length? Or does she lead them on because she digs the strokes?

If Romy just started college, that makes her either 18 or 19, right? My friend, this girl is just a baby. Unless she’s an exception to the rule, she doesn’t even know what’s in her own mind at that age. What have I told you guys a million times about 18 to 22-year-olds? The word, in case you forgot it, is TROUBLE.

When you overreacted about Romy’s new group of classmates, did you let her see how it got to you? I’m sure you did. When you plant a seed like that in her mind, it grows, so that the man who is insecure and jealous and possessive sets himself up for a fall with a girl who might normally be trustworthy. Bad move, Bull.

But we don’t know yet whether your girl is trustworthy. So -- is Romy trustworthy? Well, let’s see what we know. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “We know that she wants to wear a thong, jump up and down in the sand and play volleyball on the beach with this other guy.” What does that tell you, Bull?

It’s okay to get angry with Romy, just don’t get angry in front of her. What you were doing was indirectly accusing this girl of cheating. If she wasn’t cheating, it only showed how insecure you are. But if she was unfaithful, she has to lie to you anyway. So you’re in a lose-lose situation here, Bull. What’s the difference if she told you she talked to this guy or not? But you have to face reality: if she wants to go to the beach half-naked and party with this one guy and it’s not a group school function, you’re OUT.

Sure, all of Romy’s e-mail correspondence was an inside joke – between her and the beach boy. And you’re the outsider, Bull. You’re the one who’s not in on the big laugh. Of course you wouldn’t have believed her if she told you the truth about what happened – who would? I got news for you -- nobody would.

So, Romy would feel the same if you starting fooling around behind her back? What’s that supposed to mean? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Have you noticed that when these babes are playing with your head they always add cute little taglines that mean absolutely nothing?”

But despite what went down, you’d like to give Romy the chance to be faithful to you. How could she be faithful if she has low Interest Level? Of course you don’t want to be played on, Bull, no guy in his right mind would. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “What you have to understand, dawg, is that she’d rather be at the beach with the younger guy than an uptight geezer.”

Remember, guys: when a girl loses your trust, you can never get it back.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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