Doc Love Dating Advice

            Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I am a disciple of “The System” and want to thank you for what you’ve done to even up the playing field for us guys.  

My question is simple: is it ever okay for a woman to slap a man?  Not too long ago my ex-girlfriend, Lisabeth, and I got into a really heated argument after a night of drinking, and she slapped me. This wasn’t the first time it happened. She did it twice before (once sober and once drunk) in our two-year relationship. The latest slap caused another huge fight (about, among other things, her baggage, which happens to be father issues), which lowered my Interest Level gradually over time to the point where I became distant and we then broke up.

I get varying opinions on this from different people. Is it ALWAYS a no-no for a woman to slap a guy?  Are there any exceptions?  

Here’s another related question. How important is a girl’s relationship with her father?  In Lisabeth’s case, her old man was an alcoholic who wasn’t physically abusive, but more verbally abusive and aloof to his kids.  Should a woman who has an abusive father be stayed away from completely?  My ex was passive-aggressive and codependent with me as well. And as you said in your book, when a girl has excess baggage, this wears on a guy and his Interest Level drops.

That said, Lisabeth was hard to give up on because she had a lot of the other good qualities preached in your book. And she was gorgeous, to boot.

Do you think I made the right choice, Doc? Thanks so much for answering my questions.

Butchie - who feels like he just climbed out of a boxing ring

Hi Butchie,

Making sure that the playing field is even for guys is what “The System” is all about. When it comes to dating and relationships, men are at a distinct disadvantage. Like my cousin General Love says, “It’s the equivalent of winning the Golden Gloves, then getting in the ring with Mike Tyson and thinking you actually have a chance.”

Is it okay for your girl to lay her hands on you in a non-affectionate way? It’s NEVER NEVER NEVER okay for a woman to slap a man under any circumstance. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Dog, you don’t hit animals and you don’t hit people.”

Butchie, you shouldn’t have been boozing excessively with Lisabeth. You indulge in a whole “night of drinking.” Sensible, civilized people have one or two drinks and then stop.

Now let me get this straight -- this wasn’t the first time you got popped in the kisser by Lisabeth and you hung around for more? Gosh, Butchie, you’re just as dumb as your ex! You can rationalize being drunk, but you can’t rationalize being sober and smacking someone in the face. And by the way, how come you spent two years with this girl? You should have read her a lot sooner. Are you sure you got the right book?

Here’s the problem with a woman who’s saddled with “father issues.” When you meet a girl, you naturally want to pump up her Interest Level and keep it in the 90s. On the other hand, you have to realize that there are things you can’t change. If a woman doesn’t have Integrity and character coming in, you’re not going to change her. If she’s a taker and she’s hardheaded, you’re not going to change her. And so forth.

But the next part is what I call “baggage and scars.” Lisabeth has both. So being punched out is what you’re going to have to put up with if you want this kind of woman. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, you have to deal with the sins of her past.”

Hopefully it was you who did the dropping here and you told Lisabeth why you were doing it. Like I said earlier, it’s ALWAYS, 100% of the time, a NO-NO to slap a guy. There are NO exceptions EVER. If a woman or a man gets hit at any time during a dating relationship, they should turn around and RUN the other way. FOREVER. And there is never an excuse for someone to hit the opposite gender.

A woman’s relationship with her father is super-important. If she has a good mother and a good father and they’re still in love with each other, that positive image will flow down to you, and she’ll have the unconscious desire to replicate the experience. If her father possessed the male strength qualities that made him a great dad, she’ll recognize those in you and she will – and please take this the right way – want to marry someone like her father because of the powerful, positive impression that he projected. So that’s exactly what she’ll say to herself: “Give me a husband who’s like dear old dad!”

But like my cousin Sal “the Fish” Love says, “Lisabeth’s daddy sounds like a real fun guy.” Both physical and verbal abuse are equally terrible, Butchie. Not that I’m playing down physical abuse in any way, please don’t get me wrong. But a father who’s doesn’t play with his kids, who doesn’t hold his kids and read to them, who isn’t constantly telling his kids how intelligent and perfect and beautiful they are, isn’t a good one. Because those are the strokes that fathers and mothers should be giving their kids from the time they’re born until they’re five years old. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “If a child gets those strokes, he or she won’t grow up to want to hurt somebody.”

Should an abused woman be stayed away from? Well, Butchie, if you had a choice, what would you do?

You should have picked up on this woman’s passive-aggressiveness and codependency issues early on and stayed away from her. Far away from her. To you Psych majors, when you’re dating a girl, you’re not there to be her psychiatrist or her punching bag. And yes, with heavy baggage Interest Level plummets. It happened to you.

I don’t care if Lisabeth was Mother Teresa’s twin in all the other areas of her life, you still can’t hit people. And don’t worry – if she’s so beautiful, she’ll easily find some other dude to rationalize her slapping compulsion.

Do I think you made the right choice? My friend, you couldn’t have done better.

Remember, guys: when she takes a swing at you, you take a walk.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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