Doc Love Dating Advice
DOES DENNIS RODMAN CARE IF SHE DOESN’T COMMUNICATE?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’ve been reading your articles for months now and I’m starting to see the light! To get to the point, I’m having issues with my ex, Meredith. We were together for 16 months and have had our share of discussions and disagreements. But she’s very giving, affectionate, honest, goal-oriented, down to earth, and many other things that make me happy. But when it comes to our arguments, she shuts up like a clam and cannot express herself properly.
I believe that communication is a major factor in any relationship, but when it comes to Meredith, I don’t get that privilege. I’ve been disappointed by women before and don’t want to go through it again. I love Meredith and she loves me, and she said it first, by the way. This is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and have my children with, but of course I never told her that.
Two weeks ago, I broke up with Meredith because I wanted to spend a few more minutes with her before she had to leave to see her friend (a woman). She insisted that her friend was waiting and that she needed to leave. This got to me. I called her and broke our date for dinner later that night. She replied that she was going with or without me. Her tone was not something that I can tolerate. I told her to go straight to her house so I could pick up my stuff and that it was over between us. When she arrived, I gathered my things and left without a word.
It’s been two weeks and we’ve not spoken. We work in the same building so I’m sure she’s seen me in the hallways. Doc, I really love this girl. I finally called her today because I had time to think about what was going on. I asked her to get together and discuss things, and she said that she had plans for the evening but another day would be fine. I didn’t want to insist on a day or time for this meeting because I have my pride. I feel that I have to wait until she calls me back -- if she does.
What do you think I should do?
Boomer - who wants to win her back
Right off the bat you’ve got a huge problem. When you have all kinds of “discussions and disagreements” with a girl, right there you’re telling me that her Interest Level is low. When the girl’s Interest Level is way up in the 90s, for some reason you don’t have to have discussions and disagreements! So you’re doing something to Meredith that’s turning her off and you don’t even realize it.
Nevertheless, you go on to list all of Meredith’s sterling qualities. Boomer, if she’s such a Giver, why is she always battling with you? If she were really so wonderful and selfless, she’d be saying, “Let’s not argue, baby. Let’s not ever argue.” And she’d also be telling you, “Do whatever you want, honey. I’m just happy to be with you!” So you’re not using the word “giving” properly here. Or like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “I’d hate to see how she’d act if she was the nasty type!”
Then you turn around and say that despite all of her virtues Meredith can’t express herself. What have I told you guys a thousand times? You don’t have arguments with girls. To you Psych majors, if she doesn’t have the ability to express herself calmly and reasonably, you can’t live with her the rest of your life. And you’re 100% right about communication in a relationship, pal. So, if she doesn’t communicate with you at the level that you need, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with her?
You and Meredith might say you love each other, but she doesn’t love you as much as you love her. She might have said it first, and you might have said it last, but she hasn’t said it since!
Boomer, you’ve been disappointed by women because you haven’t memorized my techniques. And that’s why you’re going to have to go through this torture again. All you guys are going to have to go through it again and again and again until my material is completely internalized. Like my cousin General Love says, “‘The System’ is your only defense against certain defeat.”
It’s good that you didn’t tell Meredith that you want to spend the rest of your life with her and have your children with her. You shouldn’t have, dude. You shouldn’t even have said I love you. First you’ve got to figure out what the root of all your arguing is about. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “The problem you have is that you’re not testing your arguments against the principles of ‘The System,’ so you have no way to accurately gauge whether or not they’re valid.”
When you had the run-in over her friend, you were pressuring this girl. Why when you had something important to discuss with Meredith were you doing a rush-job on her? You were out of line here, Boomer. You should have said, “Honey, as soon as you get settled we’ll sit down and talk.” What you can’t tell her if she had prior plans is “It’s me or your girlfriend!” Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, does your laid-back approach carry over into your other discussions?”
You shouldn’t have broken your date with Meredith for later that night. You have to back off, man. And like I said, you have to get to the core of your problems with this girl. But you’re pressuring her, and that’s not going to work. Pressure never works. It doesn’t work in life, business or love.
So Meredith announced she was going out with or without you. That’s what we call an ultimatum, buddy -- another sign of low Interest Level. But you pushed her to the limit and that’s why she used that tone. Then you pushed it one step further by tossing a baby tantrum and demanding your stuff, and now it’s over. She’s not going to take you back after this, my friend.
When you finally got Meredith on the phone after she showed no interest whatsoever in you for two whole weeks, you went and pressured her again, asking her out for the same night. You sound like a Macho Boy to me. Did you really think that you could say, “Let’s go,” and she would drop everything and show up?
What do I think you should do? I think you should find a new girlfriend. But again, unless my book is completely digested, you’re going to turn the next girl off too, because you mentioned that other girls have dropped you in the past. So Meredith is really just another girl who dumped you. Number four dropped you, number five dropped you, number six dropped you, and so on. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “You must feel like a punching bag, dawg.”
So what are you waiting for, Boomer?
Remember, guys: all women drop you for the same reason.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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