Doc Love Dating Advice

               Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                   Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,  

First of all, I’m an avid follower of “The System.” You have some truly amazing advice in that book, as well as in your articles. All mankind should worship you. Anyway, on to my problem.

I recently met a fantastic girl, Ana, at my best friend’s college graduation party. She was the next-door neighbor of my buddy’s parents. Man, she was cute, smart, funny and pretty much my idea of the perfect girl. I couldn’t possibly let her pass out of my life, so I sat down next to her and we started talking. Within no more than 20 seconds of starting up a conversation, she was giving me every buying signal out there. I was getting a huge smile, hair twirling, playful hitting, and an absolutely amazing flirtatious gaze. I had never been in such a great situation in my life. There were 10 or more better-looking guys than me at that party, and she virtually ignored every one. I had to guess that she had at least 90% Interest Level in me. It took a lot of Self-Control to not have my feet slip out from under me and turn into a huge pansy, but I kept it cool all night long.

Doc, by the end of the night I had Ana’s number and I had her almost begging me to come home with her. It tore me up to decline that invitation, but I knew that’s what I had to do.

After she left that night, my friend’s dad told me that she has had a boyfriend for the last three or four months. He also said that the only reason her boyfriend hadn’t been with her was that he was working a late shift that day. She never once mentioned her boyfriend in our conversation so I was pretty confused, but proud of myself at the same time. Also, her boyfriend doesn’t live with her, so I still planned on calling her in a week to ask her out.

Now here’s where I really need your advice. Two days later I got a call from my buddy asking me for help laying mulch at his parents’ house. Since Ana wasn’t home, I decided to go over and help. When I got there, my buddy’s dad gave me some interesting information. Earlier that day she said she didn’t like me at all, and I guess she was rather cold about it. My friend claims he overheard the entire conversation and backed up his dad’s story.

As if all this wasn’t enough, she came home right before I left. Guess what happened? She yelled my name then came over and started talking to me and treating me exactly like she had a couple nights before.

Doc, I don’t know what to do. My gut tells me that she likes me, but is this chick possibly trying to play me or put me on a back burner? Should I just forget about her, wait out her relationship with her boyfriend, or pursue her? Please help me Doc, I need ya.

Mehmet - who can’t figure her out

Hi Mehmet,

There’s something very important I want to point out to you right here: this girl had 90% Interest Level in you for all of 30 minutes. Think about it, pal. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Heck, boy, you can’t even bake a turkey in 30 minutes!” What have I told you countless times before? Until you get to 10 dates, you can’t count ANYTHING. And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Lots of women come on strong, but down the road you find out there’s nothing there.”

But it’s good that you held yourself together when you met Ana. I taught you SELF-CONTROL, and so you realized the importance of not giving away the store. That said, I think you spent way too much time with this girl. You should have only given her 15 or 20 minutes, gotten her number, then went and talked to everybody else in the place – especially all the other babes. But it sounds like you stayed with Ana all night long. You put in too much time with her on the first meeting. All this canoodling should have been saved for the first or second date.

And to your credit, most other guys would have followed Ana home when she gave them the time of day. But you’re going to keep working Challenge, Mehmet. And Ana’s going to continue respecting you because you don’t give in like all the other turkeys who jump when she says jump.

But then you listened to your friend’s dad. There’s a problem when you get information from a third party. You really don’t know how much of what he said was true and how much was false. I’m sure your pal’s dad was trying to help you out, which is fine, but what if Ana’s boyfriend is on the way out and you’re the new guy coming in?

So you’re going to go ahead and call Ana after a week and pretend like that other guy doesn’t exist. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Don’t let it stop you. I don’t care if she has one boyfriend or 10 boyfriends.”

But if this girl really did tell your friend’s father that she disliked you, then she’s nuts. And after his son backed the story up, you have two guys confirming that the story is true. If two people are telling you the same thing, you got problems. Like the old cowboy saying goes, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, pardner.”

There are lots of girls out there who like to get a guy all wound up for one evening and after that, you’re history and they don’t think a thing of it. But the curious thing here is that Ana could have just said, “Mehmet’s an all right guy.” But she didn’t. And she certainly didn’t have to say she dislikes you, which is what she apparently said. How the heck could she dislike you? She could have said that she was merely indifferent to you, but she went from love to hate, which indicates that this girl really is a ding-dong.

Then she went and reversed herself and treated you exactly like she did when she first met you. But you’re going to give her the benefit of the doubt for now, wait a week and call her and see what happens from there. But you have to be wary of these red flags popping up all over the place. Like the great Doctor Freud once said. “Maybe this girl’s just a psycho with two personalities.”

To answer your question about what her game is, it’s definitely possible that she’s both trying to play you and keep you on a back burner. But I say pursue her. Let her be the one to bring up the boyfriend. When she does, say “So when are you getting rid of him?” And when she answers, “Why would I want to do that,” you come right back with “Because you like me!”

Remember, guys: when they’re inconsistent, they’re crazy.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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