Doc Love Dating Advice

           Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
               Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I’ve read some of your articles online and thought I might try you for some help.

After 20 years and a couple of kids, my wife decided she wants a divorce. Since I had no choice in the matter, I started online dating -- one nutcase so far and no one else of any note -- and then I met Viveca. She’s a very attractive, highly educated professional. I’m really quite taken with her. We’ve gone out a few times now.

Two weeks ago Viveca had the idea of doing a picnic in a local park. I picked her up at her place, and she had packed a blanket, plates, wine and we bought some bread and cheese, grapes, found a place to sit and talked for hours. We have a lot in common. We’re both in our forties, we’re less-is-more types, we like walking around the city just taking in the sights, and we share an interest in spirituality.

I need to figure out how fast, or slow, to go with this woman. Viveca didn’t invite me into her place when I dropped her off. It’s a starter home and I think she’s shy about showing it to me. Also, she was surprised when she learned that it will still be a few months before I’m officially divorced and that my wife’s still living part of the time under the same roof. She seems affectionate, but so far, just hugs.

Since I’m alone next weekend with no kids, I’ll ask her if she wants to come over to my place and cook with me, since we both like to cook, and maybe watch a DVD afterward. But here I am, worrying about what time to call her, whether I’m overwhelming her with invitations, etc.

How fast should I move? What I don’t quite understand in your articles is how I can be proactive – like going for the kiss – at the same time as I’m trying to be a Challenge.

What’s your advice? Thanks!

Heinrich - who’s just getting his feet wet

Hi Heinrich,

Hold it right here, pal. Before you start online dating or dating anywhere else, you have to figure out – assuming your wife loved you at one time, before her Interest Level headed for Argentina – how she fell out of love with you. Because like the great Doctor Freud once said, “The mistakes you made while you were married are going to follow you straight into your dating life.”

Now let me tell you about the Internet. The Internet is made up of people on the planet Earth. And there are all types of people on Earth. What you have to learn is that you’re going to meet all kinds – whack-jobs and clinically sane girls and everyone in between -- and you can’t take any of it personally. Just as it would take time if you were looking for women without a computer, it’s going to take time to find a good one if you’re searching online. As we say in sales, “It’s a numbers game, baby.”

Viveca dreamed up a wonderful picnic, dude. Just look at the effort that she went through to put this little event together. You’re talking about the third or fourth date here, and what she did indicates that this girl is a Giver. That’s the good part. The bad part is that we still have to get to her Interest Level. And I think all these things you two have in common is likewise great, but other than the fact that she did a beautiful imitation of Martha Stewart for the picnic, we still don’t have any indication of her female Interest Level. And like I’ve told you guys again and again, HER INTEREST LEVEL IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.

How fast do you go with Viveca? The great thing about “The System” is that if you follow it step by step, you’re always going to pace yourself and you’re going to proceed at the correct speed. But don’t worry. I’ll guide you on how fast or slow to move with this woman.

Let’s look at what happened with Viveca’s house. Maybe her place was a mess. Maybe she was painting or having new toilets installed. Whatever – it wasn’t necessary for her to invite you in. The main thing is that she threw a nice picnic for you. When you say she was shy, I think that you’re grasping for straws for why she didn’t invite you in. It would have been nice, of course, but you can’t interpret it as a negative yet because you’ve only had three dates with the woman.

Why did the fact that you’re not divorced yet only come out during the picnic? I don’t like surprises, Heinrich. Like my cousin General Love says, “Soldier, surprises aren’t good except on the battlefield.” When you first met you should have told her, “By the way, Viveca, the paperwork is going to be finished in six months.” This information shouldn’t be coming out later when you’re trying to build her Interest Level. You should get all the negatives out of the way during your first meeting. Make light of it and then go on to something else.

Her behavior seems affectionate to you? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Hugs ain’t affectionate, man.” But I have to ask you this: why didn’t you kiss her on the second date? What were you afraid of? Maybe you’re just looking for a friend and don’t know it.

Forget the whole cooking date at your place, Heinrich. You’re trying to get cozy with Viveca way too fast. She’s not coming to your house. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Nothing turns her off faster than your kids or wife walking in when you’re baking the quiche.” Instead, you’re going to take her out to another public place. And by the way, this aggressive behavior is typical of all you guys. You want to move things along way too fast. This isn’t the eleventh date -- this is the fourth date. Like the old cowboy saying goes, “Slow down, pardner!”

You’re not overwhelming Viveca with invitations. You had a couple of dates with her. So you wait a week, then you call her again and you ask her out to do something else. That isn’t exactly smothering the woman.

So you’re confused about kissing this girl. Let’s say she tried to kiss you halfway through the date. You’d go ahead and kiss her, wouldn’t you? You’d kiss her for three or four seconds and you’d stop. So that’s what you do now. You kiss her at her front door, but you’re not going to be out there mauling her in public. Don’t worry – you’ll still be a Challenge if you follow my techniques.

Remember, guys: when you’ve memorized “The System,” you know how fast you should move.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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