Doc Love Dating Advice
HOW DOES COLIN FARRELL HANDLE THE OLDER ONES?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’m 22 and I’m dating a 38-year-old woman. Janine and I met in a bar, talked for a long time and ended up getting very romantic very quickly. Every time we see each other the same thing happens -- we talk about everything, her hopes and her fears, the future, what we want in life, we laugh a hell of a lot -- then it’s followed by romance, we spend the next day together and so on. It’s really been great, since our personalities complement each other really well.
The problem is that Janine is worried about our age difference. It might sound arrogant, but I know I’m an attractive guy; she’s said several times that she can’t understand why I’m with her, and that she’s worried I’m going to meet someone closer to my age and leave her. I get the feeling sometimes that she’s setting me up for rejection, that one day she’ll just decide that it’s not going to work between us and she’ll cut me loose.
Doc, I really like this woman. We have so much fun together and I’ve given her no reason to think I’m going to dump her. I don’t ogle other women, I’m attentive to her needs and I’ve tried to reassure her that it’s only her I’m interested in and no one else. But she just doesn’t believe me! I know she was treated badly by a guy a few years ago and that trust is an issue for her.
I really don’t like seeing Janine worrying over this. Everything in our relationship is fine apart from this one issue of age, and I think that if we could overcome it we could have a future together.
Can you give me any coaching? What’s your opinion of the chances for a man and woman with a significant age difference making it for the long run?
Rowley - who thinks he’s found the one
If everything’s going so great with you and Janine, what’s the problem, pal? Sounds like you two are having a great time. Forget about the 16 years age difference. Though, like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Actually, it’s more like 26 years, because women truly understand men.”
But like a dog with a juicy bone, it looks like Janine’s not going to let go of the issue so fast. She’s carrying around all these fears and worries about your age difference. The problem is that she might be telling you the truth, then again she might not. You have to be slick here to figure out what’s really going on. Like I’ve always told you guys, you have to be like a detective on Love and Order to get to the bottom of things.
So let’s look at this situation a little more closely.
Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “The lady’s probably just uncomfortable with everyone on the street staring her down because she’s hanging all over a guy who looks her son.” But I say that if you two are enjoying each other and you’re respectful to each other, stick it out. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “There are worse things in life than dating a woman who looks like yo’ mama.”
That said, it certainly is possible that Janine is setting you up to be dumped. Here’s the key question: if the two of you were stranded on a desert island, would she be thinking that you’re going to break up?
You shouldn’t be telling Janine that you’re only interested in her and no one else because it doesn’t help the situation. The problem is that Janine is uncomfortable, and crowing about your high Interest Level is not going to relieve her discomfort. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Son, down deep she wants a 40-year-old.” But since you get along so well and have so much fun together, she’s toughing it out with you -- for the time being, at least. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “She’ll stick around until she finds a guy her own age.”
In fact, the age difference is an issue, whether or not it should be. Talking about how you’re going to break up is a big negative, and Janine brings it up way too much. But I say that you should enjoy the ride and forget about rejection.
Janine doesn’t really believe for a minute that you’re going to dump her, my friend. But she can’t get the subject of age out of her head. Eventually this is going to be a deal-breaker. But don’t let it get you down. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Maybe she’ll set you up with her twenty-one-year-old daughter.”
Regarding the other guy and Janine’s issues with trust, you should come right out and ask her: “Have I ever done anything untrustworthy?” If you haven’t, then relax.
The next time she starts fretting over how old and beat she is and how young and good-looking you are, break the date and leave. Here’s what you tell her: “I’ll be back when you’re not going to worry about this age stuff in front of me.” Then see what she does.
Of course everything is fine in your relationship, dude. Except that AGE is an issue -- a massive issue. But it’s not really all about age. There’s something going on between this woman’s ears that has nothing to do with age.
You don’t have anything to overcome regarding age because it’s not an issue for you. But Janine has to want a future with you for it to be irrelevant. If she doesn’t want a future with you, you’re going to continue to have an age problem. Because you have to have a reason to break up other than low Interest Level. The Reality Factor says that it really is low Interest Level at work here, and she’s just using the age issue as camouflage to hide the real reason from you.
The odds of your making it with Janine are 100% if her Interest Level is high. But she’s beating you over the head with this huge red flag called AGE. It doesn’t really matter what the issue is – in the long run she wants a way out of this relationship.
Remember, guys: if she’s hung up on something, you’re the one who’s going to pay for it.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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