Doc Love Dating Advice

        Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
             Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I’ve read your articles and learned a lot from what you have to say. I was married for 10 years and my first wife divorced me a little over a year ago, so as you might have guessed I’m really unsure of myself when it comes to women.

However, there’s a beautiful woman at work I’m really attracted to. I’m so nervous around Krista that I can barely manage to say hello. It turns out that she apparently feels -- or should I say felt -- the same way about me, because I heard through the grapevine that she thought I was hot. I was skeptical at first, but then she started looking at me and complimenting me. All the signs of interest were there, which was great.

But one day she caught me off guard. She came into my office and tried to flirt a little and I just froze. I guess she wanted to know where she stood with me, and so she came out and asked. I told her, quite bluntly, I wasn’t interested. She just said “Okay,” and walked away.

I felt like I had been kicked in the gut, because I knew I had made a huge mistake. Of course, the end result is that now when I see Krista she’s as cold as ice. For about a month afterwards, she wouldn’t even smile when she passed me in the hall. All I got was either a hurt and angry stare, or she acted like she didn’t care at all. This practically killed me inside.
Doc, this isn’t what I wanted! I know I was stupid, I know I wasn’t thinking, but I only wanted Krista to back off a little -- I didn’t want her to turn into the queen of ice! I know I hurt her feelings, but I know she still feels some kind of attraction to me because I’ve caught her looking at me from a distance.

We do say “good morning” to each other now, and sometimes she’ll smile. I’d like to say more, but I have no idea what to say. Every time I work up the nerve to even stand in the same room with her, there’s just this awkward, uncomfortable tension. I don’t want to look like an idiot by acting interested when I said I wasn’t. I mean, wouldn’t that make me look weak? On the other hand, don’t I have the right to change my mind? How would a guy using “The System” turn this guarded lady back into the friendly admirer she once was? Can it be done?

Deron - who’s afraid he blew it for good

Hi Deron,

If your wife divorced you over a year ago, and you’re familiar with my articles, why haven’t you memorized the Dating Dictionary? Why the time lag? I got it -- you must be looking to get dumped again before you finally wise up.

So, you heard about Krista’s interest in you through the grapevine. How do you know that the people in the grapevine don’t hate your guts? Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says “These people in the grapevine are all sweet and nice and everything, but don’t forget that one of them wants to knife you!”

You should never go through third parties. You’re supposed to be like James Bond. Shut your mouth. And like Sean Connery says, “Keep ’em at arm’s length!” Nobody in the office should know a thing about your personal life.

But let’s move on to your bigger problem. When all the signs of interest were there from Krista, why didn’t you just say to her, “BY THE WAY, WHAT’S YOUR HOME PHONE NUMBER?”

This girl didn’t catch you off guard, Deron. You’re ALWAYS off guard. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “When this babe’s within 10 feet of you, you’re mush!”

Dude, when this girl comes into your office trying to find out when you’re going to invite her to Starbucks for coffee, ask for the home phone number BEFORE you freeze up. To you Psych majors, striking first always gives you the power in the situation.

I know “The System” is incredibly complex and it’s hard to remember to ask for the home phone number, but that’s what you have to do. Don’t tell her you’re not interested, man. Do you realize that when she said, “Okay” and walked away that you just rejected a B Plus? And you said you learned a lot from reading my articles? You just told a hottie to take a hike! Are you sure you read the right articles? You think you made a huge mistake? You’re being polite! And like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “What you should have also realized since you’re working with this girl is that you’re going to have to see her every day when it goes bad.”

You didn’t really want Krista to back off a little. Dude, she was talking to you. She was complimenting you. She was doing everything right but you couldn’t mumble the words “What’s your home phone number?” Because that’s too complicated, much too hard to do. But you could find the right words to tell her to get lost, right? You could come up with negatives and put-downs, couldn’t you? And you hurt her feelings when you could have just said What’s your home phone number?

You might not have wanted to turn Krista into an ice queen, but what did you expect? She was giving you all kinds of Interest Level, but what you did in response wasn’t a Challenge – it was stupidity. You told her to get lost. Now you’re calling her a “guarded lady.” What you mean is REJECTED LADY.

If you’re really, really lucky, and this girl somehow misinterpreted your slap in the face as Challenge, then you still have to walk up to her and say “Listen, what’s your home phone number?” We know you don’t know what to say, Deron. So here’s a line you can try: “What’s your home phone number?”

There should be awkward tension between the two of you now because you don’t know where you stand. Krista liked you once upon a time, but now you don’t know if there’s any hope left or you’re just making yourself look more stupid.  Forget about appearing weak, Deron. What you have to worry about is whether this girl still has at least 51% Interest Level and whether you can bring it back up. Guy, it never makes you look weak to ask for the home number. But you’re concerned about changing your mind. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “What are you, fickle?”

I don’t know if you can get this one back, Deron, especially the way you’re operating. Vegas would say the odds are 20 to 1. Good luck.

Remember, guys: when your mind goes blank and your hands sweat, just force out those five magic words: “What’s your home phone number?”

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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