Doc Love Dating Advice
HOW TO NOT PICK UP WOMEN
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc Love,
My boyfriend is a serious fan of yours and credits you for having a substantial impact on the fact that he and I are together. I read your column occasionally and must admit you do shed light on women’s behavior and how men can better understand and connect with them. The purpose of this letter, however, is to ask if you might shed some light on an aspect of MALE behavior that has puzzled me for many years.
Here’s my question: What motivates a man to speak to a woman he doesn’t know, in a sexually loaded, leering, predatory kind of way? Does it make him feel powerful? Is it a way to get attention? Does he think his behavior is actually attractive and will result in his “getting some”? Does he do it to belittle her because he feels he can’t have her?
Many men complain about women being cold and unapproachable. Well this is one of the reasons why we are. It’s repulsive and invasive to be on the receiving end of this lewd-osity (my word). After a while we learn to keep our "BACK OFF BUSTER" force field up all the time. Much of what has been said to me in this fashion isn’t fit for print. But here’s a recent example with more of a PG rating.
My boyfriend and I were driving up Interstate 5 on a broiling hot day. We stopped at a 7-11 to get some water. As I walked from the store back to the car I passed a dark haired man, about medium build and height in his late thirties, or early forties. He suddenly walks up to me and says “It’s hot isn’t it? Hot like you. Yeeeaaahh.You’re so hot” His face was one huge leer. He was making smacking, sucking sounds, wagging his tongue and leaning into my personal space. I wanted to whack him in his fat face, but I just ignored him and got in the car.
I told my boyfriend about what happened after we were a few miles up the road. I asked him WHY DO MEN DO THAT??? He had some ideas, but he suggested I write to you and get your opinion.
So, Doc, why DO some men do that? And can you please suggest that they
STOP doing it and find a more constructive outlet for their feelings? Because, believe me, it’s a spectacular turn off. Truly nauseating. If they’re hoping for a score they need to know that they automatically disqualify themselves from the game when they come on as Mr. Lewd. Why not treat women with respect and authentic friendliness? Now there’s a concept.
Charleen – who is miffed and mystified
Thanks for your candid sharing about this issue. Unfortunately, your experience is in no way out of the ordinary. Women have to put up with this invasive, insulting crap from stupid men all the time. And it’s these morons who make it hard for the rest of us good guys.
So what’s the story here? As much it pains me to report this, the Reality Factor tells us that a substantial percentage of men consistently act like pigs towards women. They act like pigs and they treat women like pigs. Social status seems to have no bearing on the problem. A guy can be rich, successful, or even famous and still be a clueless porker.
What motivates these guys? Since this obnoxious type of approach produces such negative results, why do so many men keep up with it? You’d think that after 3 or 5 or 10 years they’d figure out that it’s counter productive, that it doesn’t help their cause.
Well, much of their behavior is based in their deep resentment towards women. Since they’ve never had any positive role models or mentors to teach them how to properly woo a woman, they get stuck in a viscous cycle. Their ignorance causes them to continually be rejected by women. Continual rejection breeds resentment, which begets repulsive behavior, which creates more rejection, resentment, repulsive behavior etc. etc. etc.
For these guys, getting in a woman’s face with a creepy come-on, is the ONLY way that they can feel any kind of power with women. It’s a negative kind of power but to them its some kind of feeling of power that they hope will, at least momentarily, mask their deeper feelings of powerlessness.
They think to themselves, “Hey, at least I got her to react to me. At least I got her to acknowledge me.” So Yes, Charleen, their negative behavior does make them feel powerful and it is a way for them to get attention. To you Psych majors, they’re idiots.
And after a hard day of wreaking havoc and doing negative PR for the male species, these guys go home to their porn videos where they watch the male role models that they aspire to be like: guys who magically, do get laid, simply by uttering a few nasty words to a woman.
I’ll tell you something else Charlene. As difficult as you may find this to believe, there is a small percentage of women out there who think that all men act in this disgusting way. They think, “Well, that’s the way men are” so they just go along with it and get involved with these guys. Of course this then helps to perpetuate the problem.
If all these guys had fathers or teachers or big brothers to educate them about manners and class, this would be a very different society. Unfortunately they don’t, but that’s why I’m here. As more and more men learn about “The System,” a gradual transformation of the male mentality is taking place. Even some of these macho morons are starting to get it. I’ve got a lot of souls to save, Charleen, but I will not rest until I’ve saved every one.
So if any of you guys have been acting like the creep in the 7-11, I strongly recommend that you immediately cease and desist! This kind of crap is hurtful to women and to you too.
And if any of you guys who work with “The System”, see one of your brethren exhibiting this kind destructive behavior, take him aside show him the error of his ways. Enlighten your compadre and know that you are making a real contribution towards ending the war of the sexes.
Remember, guys: if you don’t have anything positive to say, keep your mouth shut.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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