Doc Love Dating Advice
HOW DOES LEO DICAPRIO GET OVER A GIRL?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Please coach me!
Veronica and I broke up about five years ago. We were madly in love, but things didn’t work out, mostly because of the battles she was having with her father and mother over our relationship. We were quite young at the time.
Fast forward to the present. I’m now 29 and Veronica is 23. She phoned me out of the blue recently to tell me that love never dies and that she misses me terribly. She was actually in tears when she was telling me this. Suddenly everything came back to me and I realized that I was still in love with her. I told her that I felt the same as she does.
Well, we got together and the magic and fire was still there. We got very romantic right away and Veronica started talking about marriage and having kids with me. I was ecstatic. I felt like I got my life back.
Now here’s the catch. She has a boyfriend. I was shocked! I immediately asked her to give the guy up, but for some unfathomable reason she hesitated and hasn’t done it. Making matters worse, I happened to see them together – I felt as if someone had driven a stake straight into my heart.
Doc, I don’t know what to do. I feel as if I lost this girl twice. I know that if Veronica doesn’t give up this boyfriend of hers that I’ll have to put her out of my life for good. The problem is of course that I could never stop thinking about her in the first place. I feel as if my fixation on her has destroyed a good part of my life.
So my questions are these: first, how can I persuade Veronica to drop this guy and get her back again? If that doesn’t work, how does a guy get over a girl he can’t get over?
Nigel - who wants to stop suffering
You were young when you started going out with Veronica. You were only 24, but you were still too old for her. That’s because she was only 18 at the time. If I were her parents, I would have put a stop to it too. What you should have done was disappeared and come back when Veronica was a little older – like about 23.
But I have to ask you this: if love never dies and she misses you so terribly, how come she didn’t call you sooner?
It was okay to feel that you were head over heels for Veronica again, but this girl has to start all over again with you. She has no track record with you, pal. You two haven’t even had your Starbucks date yet and you already told this girl you’re in love with her? Wow – can you move a little faster? Now think about it – the Starbucks first date versus “I love you.” Do you think maybe there should be a little bit of time between those two events?
I’m sure the magic and fire were still there for one night, but like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “The blaze ain’t gonna last.” You might have felt like you got your life back when Veronica started whispering all those lies in your ear, but man, you gave her way too much credit way too soon. If she’s saying the same things three or four months from now and you don’t spot any red flags, great! But you two haven’t even exchanged coffee!
The unfathomable reason you can’t figure out for why Veronica won’t give up her boyfriend is called LOW INTEREST LEVEL -- in you. That’s what the man can never look at and accept. To you Psych majors, he always has to come up with some rationalization, a hundred different reasons why she’s giving him trouble except the one that really counts, which is that she doesn’t dig him.
You have to realize that what Veronica did was all a big act, my friend. She had a fight with her boyfriend and decided to go back to someone who she knew was still waiting in the wings. That poor sap was you. Since she felt bad after the tiff, she needed to find out if she was still desirable. So she got her jollies with you, had her little return to yesteryear, then she kicked you out. That’s the good part. The bad part is that she’s back in the arms of her boyfriend. Who she never left, by the way. She just wanted her ego stroked, that’s all.
I know exactly how you’re feeling with that knife sticking in your heart, guy. You can’t even catch your breath, can you? You’ve got a lot of work to do, Nigel. You have to learn to practice SELF-CONTROL and not go so fast.
You didn’t lose this girl twice. You lost her once because you were too old to date her. The second time you never had her to lose.
Do you think Veronica really cares if you bump her out of your life for good? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Right now she and her beau are at home cooking soup, dancing in the kitchen to salsa music, and talking about how many kids they’re going to have, while you’re busy driving a sliver of bamboo into your heart.”
The reason you never stopped thinking of Veronica in the first place is because love is a drug. I tell you guys never to let your Interest Level get into the 90s, and she took yours all the way to 100%. When you finally realize that hers is only around 7%, maybe you’ll wake up. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Remember, my son, this is God’s way of telling you you’re doing something wrong.” Nigel, you better get my book -- fast.
Of course your fixation on someone who doesn’t give a hoot about you has destroyed a huge part of your life. That’s what drugs do. Veronica’s on your mind 18 hours a day. When you go to sleep you’re dreaming about her. And I got news for you: she’s not leaving your mind anytime soon.
There’s only one way to get Veronica to drop this guy and come back to you – win the lottery. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “You take home a cool $88 million and she’s gonna see the light. She’ll forget all about salsa music.”
How do you get over her? MEMORIZE MY PRINCIPLES AND INTERNALIZE THEM. Or pay the price.
Remember, guys: as the old adage goes, time is mankind’s greatest healer.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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