Doc Love Dating Advice

       Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
            Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I’ve been with Shana -- a stewardess and a “9” -- for six months.  She has a lot of good qualities and values on top of her gorgeous looks. She’s kind, giving, and caring. I have done “tests” on her and she's definitely not in love with my bank account (I’m quite well fixed through my various investments) and is certainly with me for who I am.

Shana was the one who first said the “L” word. I believe her Interest Level is around 95%, as she always talks about our future, how much she loves me, that she can’t wait to get married, and that she can’t wait to have kids with me. A few times she has also given me hints like “where's my ring,” and on a daily basis she says “I love you” over 20 times, while I keep my responses to a third of that in order to stay a Challenge.

Here’s the problem. Shana is very “touchy” -- too “touchy” -- with random guys she meets while we’re out. I have spoken to her about it and asked her how she’d feel if I was touchy and all over the girls I meet. She says that while this is the person she has always been, she’ll work on it if it bothers me. I have seen some changes in her, but she’s still in contact with a bunch of her ex-boyfriends. Her excuse is that she's close to the families of these guys or she has mutual friends with them.

I have a software setup that automatically e-mails me all the communications done through Shana’s computer and I also have the password to her e-mail accounts. Every day I track her e-mails and responses. What I’ve noticed in her e-mails to her ex-boyfriends is nothing really threatening. They just talk about their new lives, but she never mentions the fact that she has a new boyfriend – me -- that she really loves. And there’s nothing about the guys’ new girlfriends either.

Since Shana travels around the world, I’m concerned with what she does when she flies to other countries. If she’s too friendly and touchy when I’m around, what is she doing when I’m not there?  

Should I be concerned, or am I being too hard on Shana?

Clem - who feels uncomfortable with how she acts

Hi Clem,

Shana is a gorgeous flight attendant with good qualities? Who could ask for more? This is great, man! You know what this means? It means she’s going to be on a plane most of the time, and you’ll have the house all to yourself to do whatever you want. You’re so fortunate!

Shana was the first one to say the “L” word? Clem, what you should be saying is that she was the ONLY one to say the “L” word! You used the wrong word, my friend.

You mean to tell me that you think that you’re a Challenge by telling your girlfriend only seven times a day how much you love her? Uh, yeah, sure. You have to go back and read my book a little more, pal. I think you missed a few pages.

But you shouldn’t have criticized Shana for touching guys (though we’ll get into her “touchiness” more a little later). You should have told her that you were concerned for her security. When you’re trying to sell something to someone, dude, you don’t tell them that it’s a benefit to you – you pitch the benefit to them. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “How did you get rich, man?”

Here’s what you should have said: “Honey, one day you’re going to touch somebody and the guy’s going to turn out to be a loon. You’ve seen American Justice. You’ve seen City Confidential. You know what kinds of whackos are running around out there. And that’s what I worry about. You’re just a little too friendly with strangers.”

Notice that Shana didn’t tell you that she was wrong when you pointed out her touchy behavior? It means she’s structured, guy. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Son, beware of the woman who can’t admit her errors.”

Clem, we don’t want Shana to “work” on anything. We want her to say, “I’m so glad you’re concerned about my welfare and safety.” Think about it. When she’s walking your four-year-old daughter around the mall and some goof is acting nuts, is Shana going to be talking to strangers then? Is she going to hug the guy because he tells her she looks nice?

But you’ve seen changes in Shana since you two talked. That’s good. At least she’s listening. As long as there’s some improvement in her behavior, you’re moving in the right direction. Remember – her SECURITY.

So this girl has loads of ex-boyfriends. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Does that mean Shana and I shot a few games of pool somewhere one night?” I want to say something to all you girls out there. When you meet a guy, please don’t have any contact with anybody you ever went out with in the past.

I’m sure this stewardess is the super-friendly type, but there’s no reason for her to stay close to the families of her exes, because those boyfriends are gone. Or they should be gone.

I see that you’re playing James Bond on Shana by snooping on her e-mails. Beautiful! It proves that you’ve read the Dating Dictionary at least once. And like my cousin General Love says “All’s fair in love and war.”

But the fact that she has a new boyfriend she’s allegedly madly in love with – YOU -- and doesn’t mention him is a huge RED FLAG.  And let’s face it buddy, these other guys aren’t talking about their new girlfriends or you because they still want Shana. To you Psych majors, the ex-boyfriends are dying to get back with her.

So you’re concerned about her flying all over the globe and touching all those foreigners? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “I could answer your question about what she’s doing when you’re not there, but you’d probably commit suicide.”

That said, I do think that you’re being too hard on Shana. The Reality Factor says that in every deal there’s going to be something you don’t like. You got a “touchy-feely” girlfriend on your hands. In your case the fact that she drapes herself all over every guy she meets is the downside. But if she’s got everything else going for her, I’d learn to overlook it if I were you.

But in the end you have to figure out how you’re built, Clem. Is Shana’s touchy nature a deal-killer? Only you can answer that question. If this habit of hers is going to irritate the hell out of you, you better give it lots of thought because she’s going to be touching guys for the next 40 years.

Remember, guys: it’s tough to love a girl who can’t keep her hands off other men.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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