Doc Love Dating Advice
TAKE CHARGE AND BE COURAGEOUS
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
As a female reader of your column, I must start off by saying that “The System” is absolutely brilliant. When I first was reading the articles, I remember nodding my head vigorously and saying to myself, "This advice is exactly right!"
Many of your key points are things I have thought all along, and I am pleased an expert is finally telling the truth. Plus your sense of humor is an A+! Since the column is geared for men, I hope you don't mind some questions from female readers because I have one.
In recent times I have been having quite a few guys start a trend that really annoys me. Their idea of ‘closing’ is hinting that we "hang out sometime" (very weak), and then they give their phone number to me and tell me to call them! When they do this, they don't ask for mine. Of course their method lowers my Interest Level.
When I’ve run into those guys again, they ask why I haven't called yet! Perhaps I am too harsh but I figure if a guy presents himself this way to begin with, he'll always be timid and not someone that I’d want to be in a relationship with.
Any thoughts on how I should handle these guys that don’t take the direct approach? Could I be doing something wrong to intimidate them? Thanks.
Caprice – who wants to know more
Of course you know that one of the bedrock principles of “The System” is: always ask for the home phone number. If any of you guys have ever wondered why I make such a big deal out of this, you now have your answer.
Thank you Caprice for giving us this valuable insight into what’s really going on out there. Your real-life experience verifies what I’ve been righteously ranting about: The average guy does not know how to properly approach and ‘close’ a woman.
When a guy hands a woman his phone number without ever asking for hers, it shows that he does not have the confidence to rebuff her possible rejection. It shows her that he’s risk averse, so he will never be successful in romantic relationships.
A woman who would have been happy to have a guy call her if he had asked her for her number, will usually NOT call him. Why not? One: She, like most women, doesn’t feel comfortable calling a guy, even a guy she likes. (Unless her Interest Level in him is 90%+ - and most of the time it starts at a lower point than that.)
And secondly, she won’t be motivated to call him because she got turned off by his passive behavior. As “liberated” as women have become in the 21st century, when the pedal hits the metal, they still expect men to be the ones who risk rejection. It makes them uncomfortable when a man expects them to be the risk takers – at least in the beginning.
So look, I’m telling you guys out there, listen up and take this to heart. This kind of hedging-your-bets, passive approach is for girly-men. Women don’t want passivity. They want a guy who is direct and who takes charge. A guy who knows what he wants and goes for it. A guy who’s undaunted by the threat of potential rejection. To you Psych majors, they want a guy who doesn’t care.
I think that it is important to emphasize that it is the fear of rejection that motivates most guys to take this indirect-passive approach. They think that if they come on in a laid back, slightly ambiguous way, that they are then safe from hearing the dreaded “N” word (No). But this is no way to live. No risk, no passion, no fun.
And here’s something to contemplate: Would the man of a woman’s romantic fantasies ever say something like “Yeah, maybe we should hang out sometime”(?) Is that something that a powerful, magnetic and charismatic fellow would say? Not!!!
All right, now, back to you dear Caprice. How should you handle the guys who don’t take the direct approach? If it’s a guy who you have some real interest in and he’s trying to give you his phone number instead of asking for yours, you could try just telling him point blank, “If you want to go out with me, you have to ask Me for my home phone number and call Me.” That would shake him up a bit and maybe he’d get the hint.
In answer to your other question, I doubt that you are doing anything in particular to intimidate these guys. Most men are intimidated by women, period.
Remember, guys: women love men who do not fear rejection.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”