Doc Love Dating Advice
WOULD DEREK JETER CARE IF JESSICA BIEL CHEATED?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’m new to your columns, but I’ve found that they are full of wonderful information and advice. Congratulations on the great work.
I’ll cut directly to the chase. I have been with my girlfriend, Sydney, for about four years now. She’s very attractive, so I must have done something right to have her for so long. But recently Sydney confessed to me that she made out with a couple of other men while she was with me. She told me she could hold it in no longer, and I needed to know about this if our relationship was going to last and be about honesty.
Needless to say I was a little less than thrilled. I didn't talk to Sydney for a few days, but after a conversation with her mother, in which she told me that her daughter believes she made the biggest mistake of her life by telling me this garbage, I sat down and took a long, hard look at all of my options.
I came to the conclusion that my one real option is dumping Sydney and going after other women. That was my brain talking. My gut said otherwise. My gut has never let me down, and my gut tells me that Sydney is the girl I want.
Doc, I forgave Sydney and we are working on trying to build a stronger relationship out of this. But here’s the problem. The amount of time we talk has diminished. I also feel that Sydney’s Interest Level has dropped, inexplicably.
I understand the concept of Challenge, but how do you remain a Challenge without making the woman feel as if you do not have an interest in her? I feel that with Sydney backing off, I have to make sure that she knows that I still love her, and the only way to do that is to pursue her.
I’d really appreciate any help you could give me.
West - who feels like he’s losing ground
First of all, thanks for the compliment. It’s my job to coach men to see Reality, and that’s what I’m going to do for you.
Now, on to your problem with the beautiful Sydney. It’s a half-truth that you did something right to keep her for so long. You might have boosted this girl’s Interest Level to 95% in the first three months or your relationship, and then for the next three and a half years it languished at 40% to 49% and she just hasn’t decided how to leave and she’s been mentally gone all that time. Or you could have been with her for three and half years and her Interest Level was 95% all that time but for the last six months you’ve been doing everything wrong.
But no matter how it went down, now you’re in trouble, and that’s all that matters.
So, Sydney’s been making out with other men on the sly. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Are you sure it was only two men she was kissing?”
Now think about this “confession” logically -- and I’m talking to all you women out there as well. Does this kind of thing raise Interest Level? Does this make the guy like you more? Can he forgive you your sins? (And no, he’s not a Catholic priest, so he can’t do Confession.)
Forget “honesty.” Sydney should have kept her mouth shut, never cheated again and hoped to God you never found out about it. That is, West, if you didn’t have her mixed up with someone who cared. Because blabbing about her infidelities actually indicates the opposite. But since you did find out about it straight from the horse’s mouth, Destiny is going to take a little turn here.
This isn’t about honesty at all, West. It’s about openness. I want you to be honest, but not open. The same goes for Sydney.
You didn’t talk to Sydney for a few days? How about not talking to her for a few years? And what are you doing yakking to her mom about your troubles? Or like my cousin General Love says, “Why are you going to the enemy’s mother?”
West, the reason Sydney made out with these other guys is because she has low Interest Level -- in you. To you Psych majors, believe it or not, girls with high Interest Level don’t want to make out with other guys. I know that’s a hard nut to swallow, but it happens to be the truth.
So after getting your head bashed in, you went off and considered your options. You don’t have any options here, West. The only option you have is “Adios, baby!” And it’s not really an option, because an option implies two or more choices.
But you did arrive at that very conclusion on your own – you have to dump Sydney. Congratulations! Perfect! You hit it right on the head. But you have it backwards, pal about what led you to that solution. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “That wasn’t your brain talking -- that was your Intuition talking.”
You’re right – your gut has never let you down, but your gut is telling you right now that this isn’t a good deal, but due to your sky-high Interest Level, you’re want to believe it’s one thing when it’s really another. Your gut is telling you that Sydney should have “DANGER!” tattooed on her forehead. Then maybe the truth would sink in.
But what did you do? You went and forgave her instead. Very disappointing, my friend. Worse, you two want to work on a “better relationship.” Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “What is she doing, taking Loyalty and Trust classes?”
The problem isn’t that you’re talking to Sydney less, Westie. You’re the problem here. Because you were too available and you put this girl on a pedestal and she got bored. Women with Interest Levels in the 90s are never bored for some reason. Why is that? But when Interest Level is 55% you’re on very shaky ground. And here you’re talking about what a great writer I am and all the wonderful stuff I’ve given you and it’s gone in one eyeball and out the other!
Finally, you tell me that Sydney’s Interest Level has dropped inexplicably. What is that, Russian for “two other guys?”
You have no clue about the concept of Challenge, dude. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. You never were a Challenge, West. The whole idea is to make her think you have no interest in her.
What you’re trying to say here is that Sydney’s going to fall in love with your high Interest Level. But what she really doesn’t like is that you’re the opposite of a Challenge. Are you sure you read my columns?
Guys, when you’re out, you have to back off. Otherwise you’re nothing but a chump. Or a stalker.
Remember, guys: when you’re losing ground, you have to disappear.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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