Doc Love Dating Advice

                Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                      Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

Just recently I started reading your column and have found it fascinating. I wonder if you could give me some feedback on a problem I’m facing.

I was at a party a week ago at my buddy’s apartment. It was a blast at first. The people there, especially the girls, were really fun, and I thought I got a few interested in me. Soon after midnight, though, a lot of other guys showed up. I was trying to get a few phone numbers since it was late, but these latecomers swarmed over whatever girl I chose to concentrate on. They were obviously trying to grab and dominate their attention.

One girl, Deirdre, seemed like she wanted to continue talking to me, but the new guys were so annoying that she became hesitant and uncomfortable. She was clearly trying to block these guys out so that she could talk to me, but that attempt was pretty much futile.

I looked at my options: A) I could be upfront with these other dudes and tell them that I was having a conversation and to stop interrupting. B) I could give in to my frustration by starting a fight or just leaving. C) I could forget the whole thing and hang out with my friends until later that night when the party thinned out a bit.

I knew that talking to these guys wouldn’t help because it rarely does in a drunken college affair, and I would’ve appeared weak to this girl if I demanded they back off in vain. I didn’t want to try and lead this girl away because in that environment girls can be suspicious of your motives. After being hounded by these guys, Deirdre left with her friends.

Ultimately I did leave in frustration, and I know that if I had stayed with Deirdre I could’ve gotten her number, but I have a really hard time dealing with Blockers. And it seems like they are everywhere, even among my own friends. What am I supposed to say or do to get pushy, attention-grabbing guys to give me some room?

Silva - who hates to give ground

Hi Silva,

You know why my column is so fascinating? Because I don’t sound like any of the other love doctors out there. Have you guys ever noticed that?

Now, you mean to tell me you waited until after midnight to go hunting for home phone numbers? Man, you should have closed these girls when they were still laughing. Or like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “You should have been taking numbers when they were still awake.”

Pal, you spent way too much time with these girls before thinking about going after their phone numbers. Once you get anywhere from five to 15 minutes in with a girl and you have her giggling, you’re asking for her home phone number. You can’t be rapping to them and making them laugh at 9 o’clock and then waiting until dawn to take action. To you Psych majors, when you spend too much time with a girl before going for the phone number, Murphy’s Law is going to kick in – THINGS WILL GO WRONG. Guaranteed.

And it was already too late when the football team showed up bombed at the party. That’s why you should have done it much earlier. Heck, if you had just handed Dierdre your business card and a pen and yelled “HOME PHONE NUMBER!” into her face, I don’t care how many guys were swarming over her, she would have handed it right over if she had any interest in you at all. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Hey, they weren’t pinning her arms behind her back, were they?”

Guy, you have to pretend like your life depends on getting those 10 digits. Or like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “If you don’t ask for the home phone number, why did you go to the party?”

Now let’s look at your three options. Telling the boys from Animal House to stop interrupting wasn’t going to work – they were rowdy and hammered. Starting a fight or storming out in a hissy fit would have made you even more of a loser than you ended up. Likewise for waiting around until the crowd thinned – by the time the party petered out, all the girls would have gone home, exhausted or chased off by the drunken frat rats.

But Silva, you wouldn’t have appeared weak if you told those jerks to back off. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Hey, lots of girls dig macho guys. Why do you think George Clooney has to beat them off with a stick?”

Dude, girls aren’t going to be suspicious of your motives if they have high Interest Level. They won’t care what your motives are. Like the great Doctor Freud said, “My son, look at how many of them go off with Dennis Rodman.”

Silva, you should have grabbed Deirdre by the hand, took her straight outside the apartment door and said “What’s your home phone number?” Or pulled her into the bathroom, locked the door, and let the Blockers in their drunken stupor try and beat the door down as you’re getting a number while sitting on the toilet seat.

But instead, Deirdre left with her friends and you never CLOSED. The most important chapter in the Dating Dictionary is “Closing the Deal.” Looks like you didn’t read that one, Silva!

So you count Blockers among even your own close friends….Hear that, guys? Like my cousin General Love says, “When it comes to girls, you can’t even trust the man next to you in the foxhole.”

In the end, the only guy who has your best interests in mind is me.

What you have to do is this: CHANGE THE ENVIRONMENT. If you want to get her phone number and you’re surrounded by the enemy, you grab her hand and you pull. If she has high Interest Level, she’ll follow you. If she doesn’t, she’s going to slip out of your hands like she was greased.

Remember, guys: if you’re not going to ask for the home phone number, why are you talking to her?

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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