Doc Love Dating Advice

                      Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                              Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

First off, I’ve told friends about “The System” and helped them improve their Confidence by showing them the way. But I can’t seem to follow my own advice or yours in my present situation. I hope you can coach me.

I’ve known Katrina for four years. I met her through a mutual friend. She was in a long-term relationship at the time and we only hung out every few months with this common friend. But there was something in her looks, eyes and personality that always intrigued me.

Fast forward to the present. I’m living several hours away from Katrina and chat online with her once a week. Strangely, this has probably been the best way we’ve “advanced” our relationship, as we never really warmed up to one another in person.

Recently, our mutual friend got married and I invited Katrina to be my guest, since the wedding was near her city and it presented the chance to see if there might be more to this friendship. But here’s the tricky part. For about eight months or so, she’s been hanging out with a guy -- it’s never really been clear whether she’s dating him or using him for his car/apartment/money. She barely mentions him when we chat online and is rather sketchy when discussing relationships. Finally I realized that she moved to a new apartment with this guy – who also happens to be her long-term ex.

We had a great time at the wedding, my friends drooled over her, we both looked elegant and acted like a couple at times. During the drive, however, she never touched me. At the reception she did hold my hand, led me to the dance floor, and held my arm as we walked. While dancing, she gave me “those eyes,” even though it took several dances before she stopped acting nervous about it.

I never closed the deal. I didn’t kiss Katrina because I don’t know if Katrina is truly available or whether she’s taken by her “ex.” Honestly, I don’t know if he’s her driver, her date to parties, or if she’s serious about him. Like I said, Katrina intrigues me tremendously and it’s always seemed like we’ve had some unspoken connection. I’ve been trying to compare her good points with the red flags and I can’t decide if she’s worth my time.

Was playing the gentleman and not kissing her the right thing to do? Or should I go for it by asking her out, as I’m moving to her city in a few weeks?

Walt - who feels paralyzed by indecision

Hi Walt,

Thank you very much for spreading the word about my book. The reason you’re confused right now is because you’re still studying my principles and you don’t have them down pat yet. Once you do that, the answers will come to you automatically. But I’m here to coach you along the way.

It’s great that Katrina mesmerizes you. Who wouldn’t be mesmerized by someone who looks like a cross between Denise Richards and Scarlett Johansson? But my techniques NEVER look at the man’s Interest Level. To you Psych majors, it’s only the girl’s Interest Level that counts.

So let’s see exactly what you’ve got here. You have a long-distance relationship, which is bad. But you want to keep it kind of warm, so you chat with the girl once a week. But realistically, you’ll only have a chance with this babe when you’re living in her city or she’s living in yours. In other words, this relationship has to be built not on her words coming out of a computer screen, but when you’re there looking right at her and watching her body language. So Walt, this is the wrong way to advance your relationship. You never warmed up to each other because you never went out on a date – she was always involved with somebody else.

Here’s something else you did wrong. NO WEDDINGS on the first date. The first date with a girl should always be a Starbucks date. A wedding is a pretty heavy deal for a first date. I know they’re a lot of fun and all, but when you’re getting to know somebody, you should stay out of wedding receptions. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “You don’t want her thinking you want to marry her – heck, you don’t even know her!”

Now dude, the last thing you want to find out is more about your developing “friendship” with Katrina. You want to be this girl’s BOYfriend. You’re using the wrong words.

You say Katrina doesn’t mention her boyfriend. Sure she does! It sounds to me like she’s been telling you about him all along. But why is she mentioning him at all? This is a HUGE RED FLAG, buddy. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “She’s so scared you’re going to leave her that she can’t stop talking about other men.” Gee, Walt, I’d hate to hear what she’d talk about if she didn’t like you! So let me get this straight. Katrina moves in with a guy that she got rid of -- a guy who’s still in love with her -- and you want to know if this girl likes you?

Sure, your friends drooled over Katrina. And I’m sure they wanted to do more than drool over her. But the more important question is did she drool over you? At times you two acted like a couple. What does that mean? But it certainly was classy that she accidentally bumped into you a few times on the dance floor. Maybe there’s hope for you after all!

Katrina acted nervous because she had low Interest Level in you, Walt. No doubt she couldn’t wait for the wedding to end so she could get away from you and go back to her ex-boyfriend.

The most important chapter in the Dating Dictionary is “Closing The Deal.” You knew you didn’t do it, Walt. What’s wrong with you? Are you a coward? Going in for the kiss is the foolproof way of finding out exactly where a girl stands. Walt, a gentleman would have kissed this girl. You got it backwards again. When Katrina turned her head when you tried to lay one on her, you would have known for sure that she was taken.  

Let me repeat that we don’t care that this girl intrigues you. We want her to be intrigued BY you. But you insist there’s an unspoken connection between the two of you. Man oh man. You gotta lay off the pot. That stuff is doing bad things to your head. It’s making you imagine things!

And I don’t care what this other guy does. I don’t care if he’s her chauffeur, her butler, or her plumber. They use the same bathroom! Nah, she’s not serious about this turkey – she only moved in with him! Duh!

Here’s what you do. Don’t tell Katrina when you move into her city. Wait two or three days, then ask her out and KISS her after the date. Otherwise you’ll be waiting forever to figure out whether this girl likes you or she’s playing with your head.

Remember, guys: when she lives with a man, I hope you smell a rat.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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