Doc Love Dating Advice

                        CAN A WOMAN’S JEALOUSY EVER BE A GOOD THING?
                                           Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
                                                     Success Coach - Doc Love

Dear Doc,

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. She is the kind of woman that you maybe find once in a lifetime. Beautiful, talented and loving. She adores me and I feel the same way about her. We have our disagreements every so often but they are always very minor.

I’m not just exaggerating. We really do get along incredibly well and she truly respects me and appreciates me and lets me know it all the time. I’m not writing because I have some kind of big problem with her. There’s just something that happened the other night that I’m curious about.

We were together last week at her friend’s birthday party. It was at this amazing penthouse apartment in downtown Atlanta. There were about forty guests there, three guys including me, and of course the rest were women. And just for the record, I’d have to say that my girlfriend was the most attractive woman there.

We were enjoying ourselves, chatting with various people and my girlfriend introduced me to some of her girlfriends that I’d never met. After awhile she started talking one-on-one with another one of her friends.  At the same time, the second most attractive woman in the room and I started talking while we were standing right next to my girlfriend and her other friend.

The girl I was talking to asked me what I did and I told her that I was a Jazz musician. Well as soon as I said that she lit up like a Christmas tree. And then, as she was telling me how much she loved Jazz and how she thought it was the greatest thing in the world that I played the sax, she grabbed my arm. Then a minute later she stroked my shoulder.

From the corner of my eye I could see that my girlfriend was taking note of all this. It was pretty obvious that this girl was flirting with me, and the interesting thing is she knew that I was there with my girlfriend.

Then this girl touched me a third time and I thought, “Man, this is over the top.” But I never touched her back although I still felt guilty somehow, even though this girl was coming at me. But what was I supposed to do? Tell her to stop touching me?

Later my girlfriend commented on what happened. She said, “I can’t believe that bitch. Didn’t she know that you’re my man? You didn’t encourage her did you?”

Well, I have to tell you, I’d never seen my girlfriend get jealous like that before. It was like I was seeing a side of her I’d never seen.

On the one hand it kind of felt good because I knew it meant that she has very high interest in me. But then I also know that you say, Doc, that jealousy is a big no-no. She hasn’t said anything more about what happened since, but I’m just wondering. Is it ok that my girlfriend got so uptight about what happened, or do I possibly have a little problem here that I have to nip in the bud?

What’s your opinion Doc?

Mitchell – who wants to be sure

Hi Mitchell,

Great question. It’s always a good idea to get clarity on any confusing situation that might pop up in your relationship. Most guys don’t understand the importance of doing that.  Even when you have a wonderful woman with a fantastic attitude, she’ll still occasionally throw little whammies at you. If you don’t handle these tricky episodes properly, she will lower your comfort level slowly and the romance will sour over time.

Ok, Mitchell, first of all, regarding the chick who was all over you like white on rice, realize that some women allow themselves to let their hair down at parties in ways that they normally wouldn’t do, and it means nothing. They feel freer when they’re out of the house, away from their responsibilities.

When they’re amongst a bunch of friends, they can often get very buddy-buddy with everyone and it ain’t no big deal to them to let their ya-ya’s out a little. (They also have little or no concern that you might misinterpret their behavior.) This could have been exactly what was going on with that gal.

On the other hand, she indeed could have been giving you heavy buying signals and could have been trying to rip-off your girlfriend. We don’t know, and whatever the answer is, it’s irrelevant. You did everything right and nothing wrong. You didn’t touch her back. You didn’t react. This would have been the proper response whether your girlfriend was there or not.

Although you had concerns about what your girlfriend was thinking when this all went down, the situation actually worked to your advantage. Why? Because your girlfriend had a real-time eyewitness experience of another attractive woman seemingly come on to you, so you became even more of a stud in her mind. To you Psych majors, she likes him more when she knows she’s got competition.

And since your girlfriend didn’t make a scene right there and then while this other gal was fondling you, I do not think that your girlfriend has a significant jealousy/possessiveness problem. I wouldn’t really call her the jealous type. It’s actually a good sign that she got a little hot and bothered by that other woman’s behavior while she didn’t lay any blame on you. It means that you girlfriend has 90%+ Interest Level in you and that’s a good thing.

But here are a couple snappy comebacks you can use if you and your girlfriend find yourselves in a similar situation again. If your she says something like, “I can’t believe that bitch.” You can jokingly say to her, “She’s not a bitch, she just has good taste.”

Or, you could playfully say, “Awe, does my little baby think I’m going to leave her for someone else?” And then wink at her and give her a quick little kiss.

Remember, guys: Kitty Kats Kompete.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”  

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