Doc Love Dating Advice
SHE’S A LOT TALLER THAN YOU
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I have an interesting problem that I hope you can help me with. I’m 38 years old and I’m a stockbroker with a large brokerage firm. (No I’m not writing because I’m depressed about the slump in the Dow. My career is actually going quite well, in spite of our current economic problems.)
Here’s my situation. There’s this girl that I see every Thursday night in my computer class. She’s black (from Haiti). I’m Italian, from Brooklyn. She’s a total babe and has a fantastic personality. Very intelligent and has her own business working as an agent for television commercial directors.
Our computer class has been going on for about 6 weeks now, but since the very first night she has been flirting with me, quite blatantly. Last week she even said to me, “So when are you going to ask me out?” I told her, “Probably soon.”
I’m usually a lot more firm and decisive. When it’s time to take action, I take action. So, why didn’t I simply ask her out? The problem for me, and I have to say I feel embarrassed about this because I think maybe I’m being kind of a wimp. Anyway, the problem is that I’m 5’6” tall and this girl is a solid 6 feet tall. And of course in heels she’s even taller.
I have no problem whatsoever with our racial differences. (My longest relationship was actually with a girl who was originally from Ethiopia.) It’s the height difference that’s messing with my mind! When I stand next to her I feel like a midget and not very manly. I’m trying to imagine the two of us out on a date in public as a couple and it just seems weird to me. I know that I’d be very uncomfortable.
But otherwise she has so many of the qualities that I look for in a girlfriend. When we’re both sitting down together and my mind isn’t on the height problem, I feel very romantic towards her.
Half of me wants to just make up an excuse to tell her as to why I can’t date her, and the other half of me feels like I’d be being weak and foolish if I did that. I don’t know. Do you think there’s a way for me to overcome my discomfort and feel more comfortable and confident? Do you think it’s a healthy thing for a guy to date a girl who’s half a foot taller than himself? What do you say Doc? Any ideas?
Theron - who is very confused.
Your discomfort with the discrepancy in height between you and your Haitian honey is understandable. But I recommend that you be courageous and push yourself beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone.
The way I see it, you’ve got two choices here. You can pass on this extraordinary opportunity and thereby further validate your fears and insecurities OR, you can have a new adventure with an exotic woman who looks as if she could win the Miss World Contest. As my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “the path of fear or the path of courage and adventure, which is it gonna to be, boy?”
Think about it. What’s the worst thing that could happen to you if you were out in public with this gal? Are you afraid that someone might snicker at you? Perhaps some might. But I’d say, that most people would be looking at you with envy or admiration or intense curiosity, wondering what powerful personal qualities you have that you were able to attract such an exotic beauty.
If you give yourself plenty of approval for being the great guy that you are, then you won’t be dependent on other people’s approval or compromised by their disapproval. You won’t care what people think one way or another. Use this situation to exercise your self-esteem muscles. See if you can get into the headspace of simply not giving a hoot. See if you can become hootless.
There’s no way of telling right now if being in a relationship with your statuesque class-mate would work for you over the long haul or not. But you may possibly discover that with time and a whole lot of sweetness and High Interest from her, that her height (or your lack of it in comparison) has become a non-issue for you. Who knows? But you’ll only find out if you go out with her. If you don’t go out with her, nothing will happen and that’s pretty boring.
To give you a little extra inspiration, Theron, allow me to share a brief personal anecdote with you. A couple of years ago, while waiting for a friend at the bar in the Beverly Hilton hotel, I struck up a conversation with a chap of rather diminutive stature. He was an average looking guy and was no more than 5’5’’ tall. He told me that he was a real estate agent and that he was dating a model.
At the time I thought that he was giving me more of the usual L.A.-big-talker hype. But a few minutes later, lo and behold, his Claudia Schiffer look-alike girlfriend who was taller than a camel, came walking in, sat down in his lap and gave him a long wet kiss right there in front of me.
He introduced me to her, then said goodbye and walked on out to the lobby with her, arm in arm. And I’ve got to tell you that this guy was as cool and comfortable and as confident as Vin Diesel in a tight spot. Plus, he got off on her height.
So, Theron, get that Caribbean cutie out on a date. When the two of you are together, make no remarks about how tall she is. And if she wants to put her arm around you while you’re walking down the street, go with it. Just make sure that YOU are the one walking on the traffic side of the sidewalk.
Remember, guys: If you go out with a woman who’s taller than you, tell her to wear high heels.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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