Doc Love Dating Advice

                     Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                            Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

No offense, but your book does not offer good advice for all men.

In particular, good-looking men who inadvertently intimidate women with
their appearance should not follow your advice on “getting women to chase you.” In your book, you allude to playing games with women to make them believe that you are not very interested in them. In turn, they are supposed to chase you to win you over, right? Wrong! It’s common knowledge that women are typically not as confident as men. So why would they place themselves in such a vulnerable position? Why would they want to be hurt or feel even more insecure?

Then you offer more advice that makes women think that you are a flat-out player, and that every woman in town wants you! I hate to break it to you, Doc, but this only creates stress on the female’s part, and stress does not lead to more attraction. Stress leads to an increased desire for stress reduction and removal. In other words, forget this guy! I’m surprised you don’t know this; Doc, but women want control. Women want security and loyalty from a man, not a man who can have any woman he wants. That, my friend, is not security!

I used your techniques on a great woman, Rain, and I blew it because of your advice. She started with very high Interest Level. I could give you a whole pile of evidence, but I want to keep this short. The “game” you had me playing left her confused and scared. All women have a history of being hurt. Why would I want them to think they are bound to get hurt again? It just makes no sense. You should create another book for men who have no problem attracting women, but do have a problem with intimidating and scaring them away.

I’ll leave you with this: “Everyone would love to own a Lamborghini, but not if it means driving it on the edge of a cliff.”

Roman - who blew it with your book

Hi Roman,

I hate to break this to you, but my book is great for ALL guys. If a guy likes women, then “The System” is for him.

Now let me tell you something: a good-looking guy might intimidate a woman going in, but once he starts talking and comes off like a buffoon, he’s nowhere. He thinks the lady’s Interest Level is up in the sky while she’s laughing inside. So good looks will get you going, but they don’t keep you there.

I don’t – and never did -- advise playing any games with women, pal. But here’s the way the strategy works. You have no idea what a woman’s motives are when you meet and why she’s with you. You’re going out with a complete stranger. So what I’m telling guys is that they have to go in SLOWLY, keep their eyes open, and look for red flags. If that’s playing games, then sign me up for the Olympics!

You completely missed my point if you think I want women to know a guy’s not interested. What turns them on is when they know you had a good time on the date. The truth is that the woman knows on a gut level what your Interest Level is. So what you’re doing by hanging back and not draping yourself all over a girl is being playful instead of a game-player. Then you’ve got her thinking to herself, “Look at the Self-Control this guy has! Every other guy in the world would have phoned me four hours after our first date, said what a great time we had, and by the way, can we get together next Saturday night?” And you know what that does, man? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “It absolutely blows up Challenge.”

And you missed another important point, pal. Women are supposed to chase you to win you over. Because when they have to fight to get you, it lasts longer and they respect you more.

But you think women can’t take it because they aren’t as confident as men. Hey, Roman, you should be giving speeches to women’s groups in colleges – they’d just love that statement! When it comes to men and women, ALL WOMEN ARE CONFIDENT. They may not be so sure of themselves flying an airplane or un-corking a champagne bottle, but when it comes to men, they have us down cold. Like my cousin General Love says, “You guys have no idea what you’re going up against!” And what’s worse, men talk down to women when they’re clueless about what women want or need.

A clinically sane woman will look at a man’s teasing, flirtatious behavior as playfulness. If you have an insecure woman -- who I don’t want you with in the first place – that kind of confident behavior is going to make her feel more insecure. To you Psych majors, insecure women hate Challenge. But a self-reliant woman with a good attitude loves Challenge. So “The System” protects guys by weeding out the women who aren’t good enough, the numbers with too many scars and baggage. Sorry about that!

Buddy, if you use Challenge on a woman who has all her marbles, she isn’t worried that you’re a player. She wonders if you’re a player. There’s a big difference. And she’s also wondering if she can catch you and she can get you to want to give up all the other girls, and that notion is attractive. So that’s one thing you hit right on the head, Roman – you want her to think that every other girl in town wants you. Because when her Interest Level is way up in the 90s, she thinks you’re the best-looking guy out of 3 billion men. Ask any woman if you don’t believe me.

Your theories about stress are really amusing, guy. You’re piling one lie on top of another. When you shower a babe with attention and concern, all it’s going to do is lower her Interest Level. It’s got nothing to do with stress. When you use Challenge, the girl with low Self-Esteem, the girl who’s been hurt a lot, is going to react by bitching and moaning and her Interest Level is going to waver. Then you’re going to blame my techniques for screwing you up. But as I tell you in my book, you have to give me something to work with. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Don’t bring me these loonies!”

Your theory on what stress breeds makes for a great sentence, but it has nothing to do with this article. Sure, I want her to forget this guy! I hope she gets rid of you! That’s how my principles protect you. If a woman can’t take a little teasing and have patience with my playful game plan in the beginning, then I don’t want to keep her anyway. I want someone who’s got a sense of humor and who’s playful.

So, women want control? You’re kidding! You got me on that one, Roman! Gee, I never would have known!

The point is not that a guy can have any woman he wants, but that he picked her and now they’re happily married. And she knows he would never mess around because the guy is loyal. And he’s secure in himself, and he’s also a playful Challenge.

Rain started with very high Interest Level because of your looks. (And then you started talking!) But let me get this straight. You met this girl, you waited seven days to call her and that just really messed with her head, right? Then you spent four and a half hours with her and because you didn’t call her right afterwards, she was confused and scared, right? Then you’re going to tell me that you went out with her again, had a great time, waited another seven days to call her and this created even more confusion and she’s practically out of her mind? Then I say good riddance! That’s the whole point. I want it that way. Because Challenge cleans the place up.

Next, you want me to believe that all women have a history of being hurt. Then how is it that women do 90% of the dumping? It’s the guys who are getting beat up, my friend. Roman, do you happen to belong to the “National Liberation of Women” movement?  

Dude, good for you that you look like George Clooney or Pierce Brosnan or Brad Pitt. With your looks you should be choosing from tons of women, especially if you understood my philosophy. But you’re missing it completely. It’s astonishing, because I can tell by your letter that you’re a very intelligent man. But when it comes to women, you get a D.

This is the truth of the matter: “The System” protects you. It doesn’t hang you over a cliff. It keeps you in the center of the road.

Remember, guys: some guys just don’t get it.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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