Doc Love Dating Advice
DON’T GIVE UP!
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I got your materials about eight months ago and I have been following all your coaching to the letter. I have changed my dating habits in so many ways it’s like I’m a different person.
Before I had your Dating Dictionary, I had a kind of false confidence with women. If a woman wasn’t responding to me the way that I thought she should, then I would just try harder to impress her. I’d then take her out to a restaurant that was even more expensive than the last. I’d tell her how I couldn’t stop thinking about her, how I was falling in love with her, stuff like that.
Sometimes this approach would keep the girl interested for three or four extra weeks. She’d initially enjoy the flattery and the luxury I was providing. But then things would always take a dive and I’d be wondering what the hell I did wrong.
I guess I’m saying that I used to think that I could make a woman like me by ‘hard selling’ myself to her. Now I understand that she has to choose ME and like ME first, before anything gets off the ground. All the expensive dinners and heavy verbal come-ons are a waste of time, money and my own self-respect. You’re so on the money, Doc. You’ve got to let them chase YOU!
It was a shock to come to the realization that I had been spending so much time and energy pursuing women who never had what you call ‘High Interest’ in me. I just never had a “System” for screening out the phonies. I always thought that if a woman accepted a date with me well then she had to be interested in me. Not true! As I’ve heard you say before, “There’s a worldwide epidemic of phony female flirt-itis.”
Ok, here’s the thing. Since I’ve come to understand the difference between a woman who appears to have High Interest in me versus a woman who really has High Interest in me, there’s something else I’ve begun to notice: It’s damn hard to find an attractive, intelligent woman with a great personality who also has authentic High Interest in me.
Over the past four months I’ve been very busy using the Internet to meet women and set up dates. I’ve kept track, and over a four-month period I have had coffee dates with exactly 42 different women. Out of the 42 there have been six or seven that I really thought had potential. But none of them gave me any ‘buying signals.’ None of them were choosing me.
I would never even consider going back to my old habits to try to get something going with any these girls. But what should I do? This is getting exhausting. Is there something I’m missing here? Is there a more effective and efficient way to go at this? I’m really getting frustrated. Any advice Doc?
Al - who needs to have a ‘win’ soon
Well, you have obviously been doing your homework. You have an excellent grasp on the concept of Interest Level. Knowing how to determine a woman’s true level of interest in you by accurately reading her ambiguous, is one of the most powerful skills that a fellow can acquire from studying “The System.”
And yes, it’s true. When you study “The System” with patience and dedication, you begin to see things as they really are rather than how you think they are or how wish they were. You begin to understand that most of your life, you’ve been way, way over-rating women’s romantic attraction towards you.
Watch any of the reality based dating shows on TV and you’ll readily observe this over-rating-the-male’s-Interest Level phenomenon. On three out of five dates you’ll see the guy ranting on to the camera about how the girl is hot for him while she’s hoping she’ll never have to see the guy again.
All right. So let’s examine your problem. Since you’re a dedicated student of “The System” I’m going to assume that you’re faithfully following all the dating do’s and don’ts that are outlined in The Dating Dictionary and that you’re not doing anything ignorant or clumsy to turn these women off.
If you’re following all my guidelines while out on your coffee dates, then the best explanation for your lack of success lately is simply that you’re in a slump. It happens to the best of us.
I have two recommendations to help you get out of your slump. Number One: I want you to branch out. Don’t just focus on the Internet. Some guys kick butt on Internet dating sites. While others do much better at Adult Ed classes or New Age workshops, for instance.
So, as Shakespeare might say, “Get thee to a Yoga Class young squire.” Check out dances studios or Toastmasters meetings. Do something different. There’s no use staying on the same road if it isn’t taking you where you want to go.
Number two: don’t give up! It’s certainly legitimate to feel discouraged after having nothing to show for all your work. So go ahead and fully feel all the discouragement that’s in your heart (so that you’re not stuffing it), and then dump it all out. Let it go and move on.
As long as you stick with “The System”, you’re going to succeed. And as my Uncle Jethro Love used to say, “There ain’t no drought that lasts forever. The rain always comes sooner or later.”
Remember, guys: dating is a numbers game and you only need one.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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