Doc Love Dating Advice

                      Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                             Success Coach - Doc Love

Hi Doc,

Thanks for all of your books. I’ve read and re-read them over and over. I’ve tried “The System” off and on for over a year -- and invariably I’m happy when I use it, and unhappy when I don’t!

The main difficulty I have is with phone calls, specifically, trying to catch the women at home. I’ve avoided calling their cell phones, but it does seem weird to have their number and not use it.

The second problem I have is that I get most of my numbers on Fridays. Waiting until the following week seems too long (10 days if I call on Monday), and calling on Sunday night seems awkward.

Here’s my current dilemma. I met Heather recently and on our first date she showed high Interest Level. She laughed at my jokes, hugged me once, said she had a good time, and twice told me she was glad I asked for her number. I feel this woman has real potential. She is Flexible and seems Giving.

I called her twice several days later (a Monday) at 7 p.m. and 8 p.m. -- no answer. I tried twice Tuesday, also no answer, and I left a short message saying that I called, but did not leave a call-back number nor did I ask her out. I know leaving any message is against your principles.

Doc, how do I proceed now? Have I blown it already? If I can’t catch them at home, do I just wait another week? Heather’s already asked about my marital status, whether I have kids, etc. Even though I played it cool but friendly on the date, she knows I am interested.

I have continued to try and use your techniques by asking another girl out and have another number to call next week, though it’s Heather I really like. Yet I do see the value in having more than one number! It’s really killing me to apply “The System” to this Beautiful Woman, though I have seen it work on women that I have ended up not pursuing further.

Thanks for any insight.

Marat - who can’t figure out how to take it from here

Hi Marat,

If you know that “The System” works, why in the world are you fighting it? If you go six months following my rules and everything is right, why would you change the order of things? What is it you don’t trust about my principles? Do you have to go out and test them, is that your problem? Are you out to find your own way of doing things? Do you want to prove me wrong? I may not be 100% right, but NO ONE COMES CLOSER THAN I DO. I bat 98.7%.

Guy, one question you should be asking yourself is exactly where Heather is when you call her at all different times of night and day and she doesn’t pick up. Now think about this. You got Heather’s home phone number and every time you call her she’s not there. Yet she’s carrying a phone around with her and you have that number. Why aren’t you calling her cell phone? You already played the other hand and it hasn’t worked. You’re lucky enough to have a cell phone as backup, so what are you waiting for?

Marat, all you have to do is phone a girl on Wednesday or Thursday, and set up a date for Monday or Tuesday night. That’s all there is to it -- simple.

So, Heather gave you a squeeze. Wow. I’m knocked out. Seriously, I don’t know why you guys get off on hugging. I’ve got an aunt who’s 93. She’s a great lady. When we get together we hug. Dig? So I wouldn’t place too much stock in it. But if a girl pulls you in like that on a date, go for a kiss on the lips. If you can’t pull that off, go for a kiss on the cheek. Let’s press the issue here. (Unless of course the woman owns the company you work for, then you don’t try to kiss her -- obviously.)

So, you feel Heather has real potential. Why? You know nothing about this woman, dude. You’re going out with a complete stranger. You’re dishing out all this praise just because she did a couple of right things? Boy, I’d love to be student in your class! To you Psych majors; she’s got no time in. Tell me in six months that you trust her – then we’re talking about something.

And she’s Flexible and Giving to boot. How do you know that, Marat? You’re just dying to give this woman accolades, aren’t you? Which means your Interest Level is way up in the nineties. Unfortunately, that’s not what counts. As my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “It’s better not to adore them.”

Why didn’t you call Heather at 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. and 9 p.m. instead of banging on your redial button right after you called her the first time? The times you phoned were way too close together. If she sees your number come up on her caller ID she’s going to think to herself, “Look at this guy – he went berserk! What did he do – have 16 cups of espresso and hit the phone lines? Or is he that desperate?”

Then you go and break a cardinal rule by leaving a message, but you don’t leave a number to help Heather to call you back. Really slick, man. Like my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “I’d never want to go hunting with you or Mister Cheney!”

If you know that leaving a message is against my principles, why on earth did you do it? In other words, pal, you can teach my techniques, but you can’t implement them. Does that make any sense? You can get up on a podium and teach “telephone blunders” to 200 guys in a seminar, but you can’t avoid making them yourself. Intellectually, you know what to do, but you can’t pull if off yourself. Know why? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Because you’re whipped!”

Have you already blown it with Heather? Well, as they say at the racetrack, “It’s a lock!”

Marat, I’m curious to hear your answers to Heather’s questions. Did you get a big laugh out of her like you’re supposed to? When she asked, “Have you been married,” you should have said, “I’m married right now,” and watched her jump out of her seat. And then I hope you said, “Tell you what, we’re going to be one big happy family – you, me and my three wives up in Idaho!”

If Heather could tell you were interested in her on your date, then you weren’t cool at all. Go and watch Steve McQueen in The Getaway and Bullitt. That’s what cool really is. It’s not who you like, man – it’s who the woman wants. So you got it all backwards. Are you sure you got the right book?

The value of having lots of girls’ phone numbers is explained in the Dating Dictionary. It’s like playing poker with a strong hand. You have to study my book and get your act together. Then you have to be going through girls like water through a rainspout. You want to be shuffling three to five girls at any one time. As Doctor Freud once said, “The biology lab first, then field work.” You have to go back and forth from book to practice until you get smarter and more aware.  

Marat, Marat, Marat – the whole idea is to apply “The System” to this Beautiful Woman! This is where DISCIPLINE comes in. Like my cousin General Love says, “You want to be a Marine on the dating battlefield? You gotta toughen up, son!”

What does seeing my techniques work on women you haven’t pursued have to do with anything? Of course they work! Why don’t we talk about the color of your grass? Is it green or gray?

You have to go to the library on Sundays, get jacked on coffee, turn off the cell phone, and pull out your magic marker and STUDY. Pretend you’re taking the state bar exam next week. You have to have my material MEMORIZED.  Do it for four straight Sundays. You have a long way to go, my friend. You’re doing some things right, but you’re giving this girl way too much credit and she worked you. Don’t be so quick to give away the store.

Remember, guys: fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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