Doc Love Dating Advice

HOW DOES RALPH FIENNES HANDLE MIXED SIGNALS?
       Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
              Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I’ve read your columns for some time now and would like to thank you for your astute advice on handling women.  Even though I try to practice “The “System,” I acknowledge that I still need improvement.  The following scenario is a good example of this.  

While on a flight a few weeks back, I sat next to an attractive girl named Brianna.  Before we parted ways, I asked for her phone number and waited seven days to call her.  I called her on a Monday and told her that I wanted to take her out for drinks that Thursday and she agreed.  

On Wednesday she committed the cardinal sin of dating: she broke the date using the excuse that her “friend” was in town.  She then counter-offered, but weakly, by asking if I wanted to go out with her and her “friends.” I didn’t take the bait, but I still blundered by asking her to take time away from her friends on Sunday so I could take her out for lunch.  She said that she would call back.

Realizing the serious mistake I made, I called her soon afterwards and explained that I forgot that I’d made plans for Sunday and was busy the entire weekend.  Thursday was my only available day.  I could then hear her hesitating for a moment, and then she said “We should reschedule,” but she didn’t give a specific day.  I didn’t respond to her verbally but in my mind I was thinking “Yeah, right.”

Over the next few days, I told myself I shouldn’t call this girl because she wasn’t interested in me.  The words that kept haunting me, though, were “We should reschedule.” A little less than two weeks later, I decided to give it one last try.  After calling two times and getting her answering machine, I left a short message giving the day and time I wanted to pick her up for dinner, my phone number, and nothing else.  After two days without a reply, I promptly erased her number, expecting to never see her again.  To my surprise, she called back and apologized for not calling sooner.  She said she’d been feeling ill but was better now and would like to go out to dinner with me.

We went out and had a good time.  I kept the conversation light, my eyes on hers, and made her laugh.  At the end of the evening, I walked her to her place and stopped a few feet from the entrance like a gentleman.  I decided not to kiss her that night, but now realize that I should have done so to gauge her true Interest Level.  

At this point I’m unsure of what to do.  Brianna is pretty, with a very upbeat and warm personality.  I am interested in seeing her again, but I don’t know if I should pursue her.  I think that her actions raise red flags and green flags at the same time. What do you think, Doc? Do you think she’s given me mixed signals?  If not, then how should I pursue this girl?

Brandon - who doesn’t know if he’s coming or going

Hi Brandon,

Thank you for having the confidence to ask your question. Most guys don’t have the guts to ask a question like yours, and it shows you’re open to a new experience and widening your horizons in the area of how women’s minds work when it comes to romantic relationships.

It’s great that you waited seven days to call Brianna. You were right on schedule. But let me ask you a question: if this girl had high Interest Level in you, would she ever have broken that first date? Then, Brandon, ask yourself this question: is there one guy in the world she wouldn’t have done that to? George Clooney, maybe? Or Orlando Bloom? The answer to that question is what the male ego can’t handle.

Now let me make sure I understand you right. Brianna tells you she’s breaking your date, and what do you do? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You hand her a new whip so she can beat you some more!” You know to never do group dates, but you actually asked her out on top of a broken date? You’re not supposed to ask her out EVER AGAIN after a babe pulls that on you, and guy, you couldn’t wait!

That said, at least you’re on the right path with “The System.” Remember to place it by your bed, and read it every night for 10 minutes for the rest of your life. Any less than that, and you’re going to be making more boo-boos.

Then Brianna tells you, “I’ll call you back.” And you believed her. Oh, Lord, Brandon. There isn’t a woman on the planet who hasn’t trotted out that whopper at one time or another. Like my oddsmaker pal in Vegas says, “I’ll give you million to one it ain’t gonna happen!”

After you insisted on humiliating yourself and calling her again, she “hesitated.” That’s a very telling word. Do women who would take a bullet for the husbands they’re madly in love with ever hesitate? When a female prison guard springs some bad-ass dude who sweet-talked her, does she hesitate slipping him a weapon?

What you should have asked Brianna was “So what’s a good day for you?” To you Psych majors, then she’s got no wiggle room. You would have heard her go “duh…uh…uh…uh…uh….” Because you staggered her, just like Floyd Mayweather with a left hook. But you’ll get craftier the more you study my book.

Brandon, you don’t argue with yourself over whether or not to call this girl. You throw her number away -- period. When she said, “we should reschedule,” she’s just working your weak, deprived ego. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “She does it to all the guys she toys with.”

“We should reschedule” is just a generality. Girls with low Interest Level toss out generalities that don’t mean anything. Girls with high Interest Level get specific: “No, but I can make it Sunday at six!”

So you wanted to give it one last try, huh? Let me ask you another question: how many lottery tickets did you buy last week? You called her again and left a message? What did I tell you guys about phones? You fellas just don’t get it. You want to rush in and make it worse by begging. By getting on your knees and crawling like a pathetic worm.

All this girl has to do is pick up the phone and she’s got you. But she can’t do it. Why? Because her Interest Level is below the Mason-Dixon Line. So stop trying to think up excuses for her and quit trying to help her, for Pete’s sake. Look at it this way. Let’s say the girl’s Interest Level is 55% before you dial her digits. By actually calling her you just pushed it down to 49%!

Brandon, have you noticed that every time you ask this girl out, there’s some kind of catastrophe? First there’s a friend coming in from the East. The next time you called she couldn’t go out because when she heard your voice she wanted to throw up. (That’s how come she was ill.) When are you going to take the hint?

When Brianna finally consented to go out with you, how many times did she touch your arm? Big, big mistake, not trying to kiss her. When you don’t know a babe’s Interest Level, you have to go for it. You have to push the issue. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “You want her to turn her head so you don’t have to waste your time on her anymore.”

But with everything that’s happened so far, you’re not talking about her Interest Level. What you want to know is this: what’s her Interest Level based on her actions?

Here’s what I think of your situation. Brianna’s giving you mixed signals because she has low Interest Level. Wait for her to call you and ask you out. Meanwhile, hustle other women. Her Interest Level is around 40%. You’re just fill-in material, Brandon. She’s thinking to herself, “Oh! Thursday’s open….Let me call that stooge I can break dates with – he doesn’t mind!”

Like my cousin General Love says, “That’s the way the enemy thinks – and that’s when she’s in a sweet, caring mood!”

Remember, guys: when they screw around with your head, don’t rationalize, please.

To hear my CALL-IN RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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