Doc Love Dating Advice

                        Women Donít Lie - Men Donít Listen
                               Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I have a major problem in my life that I just canít seem to overcome. I think that you are the only person who can give me direction.

           Iím 21 and havenít had a single girlfriend in my life. In fact, Iíve had only four dates. And believe me, I donít look bad. Iím 6í2Ē and athletic, and Iím intelligent (Iím an economics major and have a 3.7 GPA). Doc, Iíve tried with about a dozen girls. I succeeded in going out with those four I mentioned, but eventually all of them lost interest.

           The reason why two of them rejected me was because I tried to kiss them a little inappropriately. (Thatís what they said.)  The last girl I went out with, Diana, was really stunning. She also had an extremely nice personality. She was the first girl who agreed to go out with me a second time. Then I tried to kiss her, but the only thing that I achieved was to scare her. She did not agree to go out with me again.

My failure with Diana made me think deeply about myself. I reached the following conclusions:

1. My looks arenít whatís killing me. One of my dates rejected me for a guy about 6í4Ē, 130 pounds. She looked even bigger than him.

2. Iím introverted and shy. When I approach a girl I feel anxiety, high blood pressure, and embarrassment. On one recent date, the girl even saw and remarked on how my hand was trembling. I only have this anxiety when Iím with women I have romantic feelings for.

3. Iím a negative thinker. When I see a girl I like, I donít dare ask her out. This is simply because there is absolutely no reason that would make me believe that sheís going to accept. If I do approach her, it would be with the inner attitude that Iím going to be rejected. I realize that this is a wrong way of thinking but I simply canít force myself to think in a different way. The feedback that I get from girls is negative.

I would be very grateful if you gave your opinion about my problem.

Dupree - who feels like killing himself

Hi Dupree,

Sure, I can give you all the direction in the world, but are you going to do what I tell you? Or are you going to quit because itís too hard to get yourself together? Do you want to stay a loser, or are you going to make the commitment to do what it takes to turn yourself into a winner?

First of all, dude, I hate to tell you this, but lots of guys are in the same boat as you but they just wonít admit it. The reason girls lose interest in you is because thereís something physically wrong about you that youíre leaving out of your letter, and/or you donít know how to talk to them.

Itís funny that two separate girls used the same word Ė ďinappropriateĒ -- about the way you smooched them. What the heck could you possibly be doing to them? Iíd like to go into this in more detail with you, pal, but this column is G-rated.

Nevertheless, itís a great sign that Diana agreed to go out with you a second time. With everyone else you only got to the first date and then you were history. But with Diana you got a little further. Perchance Ė assuming sheís not a Professional Dater Ė you did some things right on that first date that got you to the second. If I were invisible and could have been beside you I would have seen what you did right, or else figured out that Diana was a Professional Dater. And thatís where the importance of memorizing my material comes in Ė itís like having me with you all the time. And you donít say in your letter whether you have the Dating Dictionary or not.

You succeeded only in frightening Diana too, like you did the others, so I have to ask you this question: when you go to kiss a girl, do you go for her neck with your fangs out? Do you have long, stringy hair like Howard Stern after a shower? Guy, since I canít see your face, what I would do if I were you would be to find a close friend or relative and find out whatís wrong with your mug, because first of all we have to get past the issue of physical attractiveness. And if thereís a problem, then you should undergo some cosmetic surgery or take other steps to rectify it. Maybe you look like a male witch or something like that. (Of course, even weird looks hasnít hurt guys like Howard Stern when it comes to women. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, ďYou ever see some of Marilyn Mansonís girlfriends before he went and got married? Hubba-hubba!Ē)

Now, letís take a look at the conclusions you drew about yourself.

We donít know for sure that your looks arenít killing you. As my cousin Sal ďThe FishĒ Love says, ďHey, maybe you got a mole on the end of your nose the size of a turnip.Ē And maybe that guy who was built like a string bean was a male model with a washboard stomach and a great face. Donít forget the immortal words of my cousin General Love: ďRemember, when it comes to war, you can never have enough weapons. Soldier, on the dating battlefield you can never be good-looking enough!Ē

You should feel embarrassment, anxiety, high blood pressure and all the rest of it when you hit on a girl you donít know because youíre going up to a complete stranger. So thatís not abnormal in itself. But if youíre introverted and shy, the first thing you need to do is grow a personality. You need to take speech classes and then give talks on my principles. You also need to go to improv class and learn how to be funny. And you have to keep improving yourself until you calm down when talking to people about my material and making them laugh with my material.

Like I said before, pretty much every guy feels some sort of anxious discomfort when heís with a woman he likes. But if itís so bad you canít control your physical reactions and symptoms, you have to go and see someone whoís got a sheepskin on his wall. If the whole process is that painful for you, you should go and consult some type of professional counselor who can help you. On the other hand I do know this: if you memorized my book and were able to get up and lecture on it in front of a hundred people, one or two women in the audience would think youíre cute and youíd be on your way.

Your third point is the saddest of all. Because do you know what youíve done here? Youíve given up hope. To you Psych majors, as long as youíre breathing and you can get to the door to ring the bell, thereís hope. But you have to change your Attitude. You have to look at the fact that youíre in good health and you live in the greatest country that ever existed with a standard of living higher than anywhere else in the world. Thatís what counts.

Finally, you have to stop taking women to heart. Like Doctor Freud once said, ďYour entire existence is wrapped up in whether or not they like you. Thatís nuts!Ē

Thinking that all females are going to reject you is a half-truth. Sure, the majority is going to reject you, but the majority of women reject most guys. But that doesnít mean you canít try. The feedback from women is negative for most guys. But the muddy water will clear as soon as you have the right education, which means you follow my strategies.

My friend, Iím a coach, not a shrink. In your case there is the possibility that you have some deep, deep problems Ė no offense intended. Some of the things you talk about are borderline off the deep end. Those kinds of problems are not my area of expertise. So itís up to you to do what you need to do get yourself straightened out.

Dupree, unload the gun, put it back in the drawer, and youíll be okay when you get the proper help and memorize my book.

Remember, guys: the key to women is to not take them personally.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about ďThe System,Ē visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. To hear my call-in talk show, go to

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, ďWhy do you stay with one man versus another?Ē

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