Doc Love Dating Advice
WOULD DENNIS RODMAN ASK PERMISSION TO TAKE HER OUT?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Doc, I’ve read your book and I agree with your principles. I salute you and I’m very grateful for the knowledge you are imparting to us guys.
Here’s my problem. You’ve written that your techniques apply across the globe, but I’m starting to think twice. I’m a college student and live in the Philippines. In this country we practice traditional Christian courting. This has been ingrained in us since 1600 A.D. We call this mating dance “ligaw.” Women here are half-traditional and half-liberated. Normally in “ligaw” the man befriends the girl first. It’s so useless. Worse, it’s anti-Challenge.
In this culture we become stooges for the woman, Doc. We carry her bag and open doors for her. We offer to escort her home, and as always, we pay for the transportation. We mingle with her friends and often eat lunch with them. (Yup, it’s like a group date. I know that “The System” tells us to isolate the girl from her group so that we can go one on one, but it’s different here.)
Then there are the mushy and romantic text messages that we have to send her to make her feel we love her. We guys meet their parents early in this mating dance. Any dates we schedule have to go through them first, and it’s their decision whether we can even take the girl out or not. This process may take two months and can stretch up to five months. Tradition is nothing but a waste of time! And all that time we can’t be seen courting other ladies since that would mean infidelity. And Doc, news spreads faster here than a brushfire.
At the end of this ordeal, you have to ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. You see, Doc, in our tradition the power of the guys in the mating dance is given up early.
By contrast, America is an efficient country. There you can ask the girl up front for her home phone number and call her for a date. Here, if you call her and ask for a date, she’ll decline. Why? Because if she accepts the date on just a call, she’ll be branded a slut. Women here are expected to be shy and reserved. They don’t go out with men on their own. That’s why group dates are one of the best shots we guys can take. We can’t even kiss them after a date. A kiss is totally sacred and we guys are considered disrespectful if we try to go for that smooch.
Doc, how can I short-circuit this morass of tradition? I know I can’t break it altogether, but I have to find a way to apply your techniques. I’ve been wracking my brain for days searching for applications of “The System” in my situation. Love Soldier reporting for duty, Doc!
Carlos - who feels at a complete disadvantage
Thanks very much for the compliment. And don’t worry. We’re going to work this thing out. That’s my job. And that’s why you guys contact me from all over the world. And I really appreciate the time you took to write your letter.
So, your Filipino mating dance goes back over 400 hundred years. That’s not so old, pal. Look at it this way -- “The System” goes all the way back to Adam and Eve. As far as “ligaw” is concerned, there’s a way to attack it from within. What you’re going to do is work on the liberated side of these babes.
It’s okay to befriend the girls you’re interested in, Carlos. Doing that isn’t at cross-purposes to my principles. In a minute I’ll show you how you’re going to operate.
Of course tradition is anti-Challenge. But what you’re going to do is deploy Challenge in the areas that are open to you. You won’t be able to work it quite as much, but you’ll work it nevertheless, as much as you’re able to. And since it’s such a powerful, basic element in the relations between men and women, giving her a portion of Challenge still separates you from everyone else around you, because they won’t be using any Challenge at all.
When you talk about being stooges for women, are you referring to the guys in the Philippines or the United States? Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “We got the same sickness over here, baby.” But it’s all right to carry bags and open doors for her. The important thing is whether or not she says “Thank you.” Does she gaze into your eyes? Do they get real big when she sees you? Is she happy to be near you when you do these little things for her?
Because if she doesn’t, this is the last time you’re carrying her bags or opening the door or doing anything else for her. If she shows no gratitude or interest, this girl’s a-goner and you’re quickly moving on to a new adventure. What you’re doing is testing her by the standards of “The System” in your own culture. In this case, you’re measuring her level of appreciation for you.
Carlos, you should see the girl home. You’re a gentleman. You’ve got to be gallant. And you should pay her way, too. No matter where in the world a guy is, he has to show class at all times. Remember to keep watching those Cary Grant flicks. And you can find his movies in the Philippines, too.
Now, if she has to go out with her friends, you have to go ahead and work with that. To you Psych majors, my principles work everywhere, and in every circumstance. They’d work in a prison cell. They’d work on the moon. Here’s how to employ my techniques: when you’re mingling with her and her friends, you have to gauge how much time she spends talking to you versus looking at and talking to other people around the table. Because if she pays more attention to the others than she does to you, that means she has low Interest Level. And that’s how we’ll work around the fact that you can’t isolate her at first.
Dude, you don’t have to send any mushy, romantic text messages. Get that out of your head right now. After you see her and she shows you strong buying signals, just send her an e-mail and say “Thank you for the very nice time. I hope you had the same.” Hopefully she’ll get back to you with “Of course I did! When are we getting together again?” And you’ll say, “Talk to your friends and we’ll all do it again.” The point is that you’re not afraid of anything, and you can handle whatever comes your way. The only thing that you’re not going to put up with is low Interest Level.
You’re going to have to deal with moms and pops, Carlos. I want you to meet them because if you don’t, they’re potential blockers. So if you have to go through them to get to her, you’ll do just that. If you can’t duck them, you’ll have to meet them head on, and the sooner the better. Because in your country, her parents are just the first obstacles in the dating process.
Don’t invest all those months waiting the girl out, though. You’ve got to move it along faster, pal. And you’re going to do that by reading her Interest Level, like I said before. If she doesn’t show a significant amount of interest, she’s going to be history by the second date. And like I said, check out the attention she pays you when she’s with her friends.
You’re concerned about being seen with other women? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “You’re not sneaky enough, man, that’s your problem.” You’ve got to be a little bit of an operator so you don’t end up wasting your time with only one who might turn out to be a dud. If I gave you a million bucks to meet a honey on the other side of town, could you do it?
On the other hand, maybe you live in a small town, in which case your caution is understandable. All the more reason for going through these girls faster than water through a garden hose. If you tell her you want to meet your parents and she says you can’t, it’s “Nice talking to you – NEXT!”
Buddy, you’re NEVER going to ask her if she wants to be your girl. She’s going to have to bring it up to YOU. You’ll only ask her that question after she suggests it. Begging is counter to Challenge.
You’re not going to ask her out by phone. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “We wouldn’t want her getting a bad reputation, would we?” Like I said, ask instead if you can meet mom and dad. And don’t go for the smooch. That will come later, once she’s hooked.
Guys, when you’re hamstrung by strict tradition, you’re going to have to be extra-shrewd. Wherever there’s any wiggle room at all, use Challenge. But Carlos, you should have figured this out early on. You haven’t got my book memorized. Go back and read it 10 times.
Remember, guys: like I’ve said so many times before, “The System” cuts across all cultural boundaries.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. To hear my call-in talk show, go to http://www.worldtalkradio.com
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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