Doc Love Dating Advice
DOES BRUCE WILLIS MAKE DATES BY E-MAIL?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I hope you can give me some advice.
Three weeks ago on a Saturday night I met Ashley at a state fair. After 10 minutes of good conversation, I asked for her phone number. She said that she had some problems in the past when giving out her number, and offered me her e-mail address instead. As your rules state, I took this as a “not interested.” I told her it was nice talking with her, and moved on. After another 15 minutes or so, I decided to leave. Noticing this, Ashley came up and asked, “Are you leaving?” I told her yes and she said “Maybe I’ll run into you sometime.”
Normally, I would have flushed her e-mail address and forgotten about her, but during our conversation she asked quite a few personal questions and we seemed to have a lot in common. I figured I had nothing to lose by sending an e-mail. I waited until Thursday, e-mailed her, and invited her out for drinks on Sunday night. She accepted.
We met at the designated place and talked for two and a half hours. She tapped the top of my leg quite a bit. I ended the date by saying I had to be in the office early. I walked her back to her car and closed with a kiss on the lips. On Wednesday I e-mailed her, inviting her to play miniature golf. She accepted, and this time gave me her address and home phone number.
This date went well. After golf, we went for ice cream. I took her home, walked her to the door, and kissed her goodnight. The following Monday I e-mailed her, inviting her to dinner and a movie for Tuesday. At the end of the date I walked her to her door and she gave me a nice long kiss.
The next morning, she sent me an e-mail and told me she had a really good time. That was one week ago, and I haven’t heard from her since. I have not initiated any contact with her since our last date.
Here’s what confuses me, Doc. Ashley was always on time, used every excuse to touch me, laughed at my dumb jokes, and seemed to have a very good attitude. But I’ve made all three of our dates over e-mail. (I called her only once, and there was no answer, so I didn’t leave a message.) The e-mail thing seems like a red flag to me. Plus, if she had high interest in me, wouldn’t she have made some attempt to contact me in the week since our last date? My inclination right now is to not initiate further contact with her, sit back, and see if she contacts me. What do you think?
Alvin - who wants to know how to play it
If you had your ears open, you would have realized that Ashley was telling you a lot right up front when she dropped that remark about handing out her home phone number. If she were only giving her number to nice guys, she wouldn’t have any problems, would she? So why the heck was she handing out her number to all comers? Or was something else going on? Does she have a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend? Like I always tell you guys, you have to be like love detectives on Love And Order.
Taking Ashley’s offer of her e-mail address as a “not interested” was certainly a shrewd assessment on your part, at least at first. Ninety percent of the time you’d be safe coming to that conclusion. But with Ashley there was something else happening. Sure, it could have been that she wasn’t interested. But she could also be a control freak. Or maybe she has problems coming from the outside – that psycho-stalker ex I mentioned. So you have to go deeper here.
With that in mind, let’s look at what actually did happen. Ashley came up to you at the fair and asked if you were leaving? Phenomenal! That was a definite buying signal. You should have said, “Nah, I’m not leaving. I was just practicing my reverse moon walk!” When she said maybe she’d run into you sometime, you should have come back with “Remember what they say – when the stars are aligned, your dreams will come true,” and then smiled. Show some Confidence here, Alvin, a little guts.
So it was a good idea that you took her e-mail address. She did approach you, after all, and hinted that she wanted to bump into you again. She talked about the future, which is always a good sign. She toned it down with “maybe,” but still, she tossed out clues about what was going to happen. More buying signals! So don’t get all hung up on the e-mail issue. At least you had a way to communicate with this honey.
Even better, when it came to the actual date, she showed up! Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “You know how many babes don’t even make an appearance after you set the time and place?”
And when Ashley eventually gave you her street address and home phone number, you got even closer. The point here is that doing things by e-mail didn’t hurt you at all. If she likes e-mail, give her e-mail. True, The Dating Dictionary says that you have to go for the home phone number, but this is an advanced class. This girl’s doing everything else textbook-right.
So then you went and asked her out on Monday for Tuesday night. Guys, don’t ask them out for the very next night. That’s way too close for comfort. Make it Monday for Thursday, or Wednesday for Sunday -- but not Monday for Tuesday. Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “What are you trying to do, man, suffocate her? Give her a little room to breathe!” Hey, Alvin, you’re lucky Ashley wasn’t busy Tuesday night. On the other hand, Interest Level cuts across everything.
Nevertheless, I want to congratulate you because you did everything else right up to this point. You went for the kiss on the lips. You closed the deal. Good for you. That’s what you’re supposed to do -- CLOSE.
But Alvin, you weren’t supposed to hear from Ashley after her last e-mail. She’s a classy lady. She’s not going to drape herself all over you like a cheap suit. You -- the man -- are supposed to do the asking until you own the girl. But you’re getting closer.
It’s a mistake that you haven’t initiated contact with her. It shows you have a BIG EGO. You want poor Ashley to come crawling and begging. She’s already kissing you good night, she can’t keep her hands off you, and she shows up when she says she will. You got any idea how many guys don’t have that?
You’re so blinded by this e-mail situation, buddy, that you’re not seeing the forest through the trees. Ashley gave you a way to communicate with her and everything else is going right. What more do you want?
Guy, you have to know when to fold ’em. Like I said before, you’re in the advanced class here. But you wouldn’t know that until you have my book memorized. If you did, you would have known you could have stopped forcing the e-mail issue. If it works, go with it. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “If she likes to talk using two tin cans connected by a long string, get her a tin can, sonny boy!”
Don’t worry that you haven’t heard from Ashley for the past week. The only thing to be concerned about is that she’s there and on time for your dates, she giggles, she touches you, and that you kiss her on the lips. Other than that, nothing else in life matters.
Being a tough guy is no good here. You think you’re being a Challenge, but by doing that you’re actually breaking the rules. The male is supposed to be aggressive, not passive-aggressive. This is not the time to imitate Clint Eastwood and play hardball.
Remember, guys: if she likes e-mail and does everything else right, send her e-mail to make the date.
To send me your love questions, LISTEN TO MY CALL-IN TALK SHOW, or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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