Doc Love Dating Advice
DOES DEMI EVER GET JEALOUS OF ASHTON’S FEMALE BUDDIES?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I need some of your great wisdom and advice. I am considering breaking up with my girlfriend of six months. I realize that no relationship is without
its problems so I am hesitant to break it off with Dana, but at the same time I would rather feel a little sad than a lot sorry, not to mention the wasted
time I’d save.
Everything was going so smoothly between us. Dana was even wondering if we were ever going to have a fight, things were going so well. Well, she got her first fight two weeks later. I attend a school in which 90% of my classmates are female. I told her that I wanted to have friends at school, but that they would be mostly women. She said that she had no problem with that.
Well, I made a number of friends and I hung out with one of them on a few occasions. Terri knew I had a girlfriend and nothing inappropriate ever happened between us. I never told Dana that I was hanging out with
Terri, just because I still wasn’t sure if she would have a problem
with it. Finally I grew some confidence and told her about Terri, figuring it couldn’t hurt. In fact, I even introduced Terri to Dana. That’s when everything went haywire. We had been drinking at a restaurant, and Terri didn’t want to drive afterwards. She lives 45 minutes away, so I kindly offered her one of the extra beds at my condo.
At this point Dana freaked out. She was shaking and upset, and told me that I had to tell Terri that she couldn’t stay over. It turned out to be quite a nasty scene and left me shaking my head afterwards.
In my eventual career I’m going to work very closely with women and I feel that if Dana can’t handle my female friends now, I don’t know how easily she’ll be able to handle my working with women.
Doc, Dana has many of the qualities that you discuss in your book. She’s a Flexible Giver, is considerate and kind, is very sexy and can speak three languages. She’s upbeat, dresses well, is thoughtful and finding someone like her has been difficult. She’s in shape and has fewer problems than I do. For the most part we work well together, but I feel that her jealousy could be a future problem. At this point in the relationship we have hit somewhat of a plateau. There’s only one logical next step, marriage, which I am not ready for. (Dana’s in her late twenties, and I’m 21, by the way.)
Should I move on and start dating other people since I’m so young? Doc, I really need your help here.
Charlie - who doesn’t want to make any hasty decisions
Before you decide on getting rid of Dana, you have to ask yourself whether you had any input into this situation. Because if Dana had 95% Interest Level in you and a good Attitude, and you were in turn respectful of her, you wouldn’t be having this problem, right? Chew on that for a few minutes, guy.
Any chance it’s not a coincidence that you two had your first battle just two weeks after Dana mentioned that you’d never fought? Six months of peace and love and kisses and then a few days later, BOOM! -- all hell breaks loose. Kind of weird, don’t you think? Even if the odds are one in 10 of something like that happening, you’ve got to consider what’s really going on here.
Now, Dana knew your classmates were largely of the female species from day one and it wasn’t a problem, right? So why did you go and blab to her that you had to have a huge harem of girlfriends at school? Why did you have to tell her anything, for that matter? And most important of all, what in the world are doing you talking about other women? A charming man never throws potential competition up in his girlfriend’s face unless he absolutely has to.
So right there you made a pair of humongous mistakes. Dana should be dropping you instead of vice-versa, Charlie. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Boy you got it all back-asswards!” To you Psych majors, KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTHS SHUT!
So, you hung out with Terri – just the two of you -- a few times? Another big boo-boo. It showed disloyalty to Dana. When you insist on spending time with your girl buddies, you have to do it in a crowd. Spending time with another girl in private only invites trouble. Could you expect Dana to see it as anything but a threat? Come on, Charlie, use your head.
You should have been asking yourself whether telling Dana about Terri could possibly help your relationship. Why would talking about another girl make Dana like you more and raise Interest Level, that’s the issue here. And the answer is that it can’t. Charlie, are you sure you want to drop this girl?
The next thing that makes no rational sense is why you would possibly want to introduce Terri to Dana. I assume that you and Dana just happened to bump into Terri somewhere. I hope to God you didn’t actually set up a meeting among the three of you. Why would you want to throw two kitty-kats together, especially when things were going perfectly between you and Dana? Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Were you looking for trouble here, bro? Or were you out to stroke your own ego?”
Instead of offering Terri an extra bed at your place, you should have driven her to a hotel room, made sure she got safely into bed, said good night, threw the keys on the bed, then slammed the door like a cool guy would, and just written off the 60 bucks for the Motel 6.
But most of you guys usually do all the wrong things. You’ve got to learn how to be innovative. You’ve got to learn how to think on the spot. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say, “If you wanna survive, man, you gotta learn how to dance!”
You should never have brought Dana into this whole thing in the first place.
It’s not your female friends Dana has trouble with, Charlie – it’s YOU. It’s the way you’re presenting these women to her. You’re doing it all wrong, dude.
Don’t go worrying about how Dana will handle your future career working with women. You’re getting way ahead of yourself here. Heck, odds are she won’t even be around by the time that happens.
I would certainly hope Dana has fewer problems than you. And that’s why I know she won’t be hanging around all that much longer. This whole mess has nothing to do with her jealousy. It has to do with RESPECT – your lack of it. It’s the way you’re explaining your relationships with other women that’s turning Dana off. And you’re doing it all incorrectly because you haven’t memorized my philosophies. As a matter of fact, I can hear Dana’s Interest Level doing a painful nosedive even as we speak.
You’re definitely not ready for marriage, Chuck. And by the way, what do you call Dana – Mom? What’s this 29-year-old gorgeous lady doing with a baby? Aren’t there laws against that sort of thing? Don’t forget, Mary Kay Letourneau did hard time for robbing the cradle.
You absolutely should go out and date other women, but not because you’re so young. You have to get out there because you have so much to learn!
Remember, guys: if you want to protect your heart, you’d better internalize my rules.
To send me your love questions, LISTEN TO MY CALL-IN TALK SHOW, or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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