Doc Love Dating Advice
WILL JENNIFER’S NEXT HUSBAND BE JEALOUS OF BRAD?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’m a highly intelligent, handsome (so women tell me) guy in his forties. I’m a network engineer with an extremely high IQ and I command the income to match. I also work as a first-call consultant when insight is needed on a new invention or venture in a very complex area of high technology.
I also happen to be very insecure about my relationship with my wife, Kyra (not her real name), who is stunningly beautiful and cultured. We have a two-year-old child, and she’s the mother of two teenagers from her previous marriage.
Here’s my problem. Before me, Kyra was married to a celebrity. (I won’t mention his name because you’ll know who he is.) And in fact, Kyra herself is something of a celebrity, being a successful and well-known writer in the film industry. Anyway, I have to admit that I’m quite jealous towards her, especially the attention she gets from men. I don’t feel great about being jealous, but I guess it stems from some feeling of inferiority because of her status and that of her ex-husband.
Kyra sometimes needles me about missing out on social and interpersonal communication skills because from an early age I buried myself in computers. And I have to admit that maybe it’s true. Just yesterday I noticed some jerk giving her the eye at the mall and said to her, “That guy was looking at you. He’s probably wondering what you see in someone like me.”
She also complains that my behavior is controlling and emotionally abusive and that I’m jealous of her celebrity. I do try to keep up with her whereabouts and sometimes-even worry that she might be getting involved with someone else.
At the same time Kyra claims that she really loves me and doesn’t want to violate our marriage vows. Doc, what the heck can I do about this? Can your “System” help with a problem like mine? Most average people can’t really know what it’s like to be the husband of someone who was married to a famous person – it’s hell. Every time his mug shows up on TV you think to yourself that you’ll never measure up. It’s like having your face constantly rubbed in his celebrity.
Please help! This is turning into a major problem.
Stephon - who didn’t bargain for this when he married her
Now let me get this straight. You’re a rich, no-name computer geek and you got to marry a B-list or semi-celebrity who was once married to a 100% real celebrity? Pal, you didn’t realize what you were taking on!
Stephon, you’re just like Mister Heidi Klum now. Think about it. Seal’s not going to have his own name anymore. But if he can roll with it, and laugh about it (and himself), and if he can wear a T-shirt that reads “MISTER YOU KNOW WHO,” you know what it shows? It shows women -- and the world -- that he’s not jealous of or threatened by his wife’s celebrity and success. It shows that being a big-time celebrity’s other half has no effect on him whatsoever. He can sit back and enjoy it; in fact, he can wear a T-shirt that trumpets the fact! And he’s probably not half as good-looking as you are, right?
I’m sorry to hear that you’re jealous of the admiration Kyra commands from men. But hold it a minute here. She’s a Beautiful Woman, especially all dolled up in her designer outfits, isn’t she? Other men are going to look at her, right? Gee, I wonder how that happened? Uh, didn’t you happen to pick up on that fact when you two were going steady? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “A little slow on the uptake there, aren’t you, dude?”
Your problem, Stephon, is that you don’t know how to properly view your situation. Like my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “Boy, get yourself away from that god-danged computer terminal for a few minutes and listen up!” Here’s what you should have said to yourself: “Wow! I’m going to be in the celebrity world. What a ride this is going to be! Man, what a party! I can’t wait to tell all my buddies back at the beer hall!”
In other words, you should have looked at marrying Kyra as an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for your personal growth and expansion. Maybe it would have helped you be more creative in your job, did you ever think of that? Or maybe you could have a picked up a few high-powered connections. The point is that you could and should have looked at acquiring your extraordinary wife as something positive, a valuable, new experience. But not you, Stephon. You wanted to pout. You didn’t want to play along.
To you Psych majors, always marry someone smarter than yourselves. Now here’s a woman, Kyra, who’s trying to drag you up in the world, and you’re kicking and screaming. Here’s a woman who actually knows Miss Manners and follows her, and she’s going to improve you and make you grow and you’re going to be a better and stronger man for it. When she “needles” you about your nerdy shortcomings, she isn’t nagging you -- she’s trying to help you. She’s trying to pull you up. But again, you don’t want to play. And that’s too bad for you.
When that fellow was ogling your wife at the mall, you should have walked up to him and said, “Hey, man, what do you think of her? Pretty hot, right?”
And of course he would have answered, “Hell, yes. I think she’s beautiful.” And then you could have told him, “Yeah, just think: she’s going home with me tonight.” Then you give him a wink and go back to your wife -- with a little bounce in your walk! Have fun with it, man. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “You got any idea how many guys would kill to be in your position?” But noooo, not you – you’d rather pout.
Kyra’s right when she accuses you of being controlling, abusive and jealous of her celebrity. And let me warn you about something right now, Stephon. Your wife’s Interest Level is fluttering at around 51% to 55%, and you’re running out of time. But you’d only be hip to that if you read my book, and it’s obvious that you don’t even own it.
So, what can you do about your fix? GROW UP! “The System” can help 90% of all guys with your problem. But in your case, odds are only 50-50 that it will work.
Man, if you think it’s hell being married to a celebrity’s ex, it’s high time to loosen up and buy a dozen T-shirts. All you have to do is remember that Kyra dropped her celebrity husband. He’s yesterday’s news. He turned her off, just like you’re doing. And at the rate you’re going, you’ll be in the same boat unless you wake up on the double and memorize my principles.
When you complain about having your face rubbed in Kyra’s ex’s onscreen time, you remind me of those religious penitents who flagellate themselves on a holy day. So stop torturing yourself, my friend. Wake up and smell the coffee if there’s still time and you haven’t already made Kyra want to run for the hills.
Remember, guys: if you want to get on the celebrity train, you better have fun with the ride.
To send me your love questions, LISTEN TO MY CALL-IN TALK SHOW, or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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