Doc Love Dating Advice

                   Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                           Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I have a question about the “The System.” It’s obvious that it works. I’ve been using it for three years and every time I get in a pinch, I’ve learned to say to myself, “What would Doc do?” Or if I meet a woman and I run out of things to say, I’ll just blurt out “Can I have your home phone number?” It’s also shown me the ways to identify the good ones. For instance, I used to work out at a gym on Sunset Boulevard, and there was this beauty who worked at the front desk. This girl had the face of an angel and a body that would make Naomi Campbell go running to the treadmill. So I went up to her one day, said hello and asked her name. She smiled and answered me. Unfortunately, she didn’t ask me for my name. Even though I was dying to get to know her, it was pretty obvious that unless my last name was Bruckheimer, she wasn’t giving me the time of day. So I told her it was nice meeting her and moved on.

I’ve since left California and am living in New England. The women here aren’t quite the knockouts that grow out in the Golden State, but they are a lot more grounded and are the kind of women whose company I enjoy more often.

My problem is that your principles work on such a high level that it may be too powerful here. Let me explain. Using your rules in California allowed me to date the super-hotties that, once I detected their flaws and got rid of them, would have no problem grabbing some other poor schlep and making him her next victim. But women in New England are more kindhearted, and a little more fragile than on the West Coast. While “The System” would attract many L.A. women and make them want to chase me, it makes them fall head over heels for me here.

This one girl I was out with here squared her shoulders to mine, leaned towards me, and practically never broke eye contact the whole night. This may not sound like a problem, but from a guy who really doesn’t know if he wants to EVER get married, but loves the company of women, it’s difficult. Especially if you know you’re really going to hurt these women’s feelings or break their hearts. I developed my sense of humor over the years so that I can get them laughing and touching my knee on the first date every time. And we all know women love a man that can make them laugh.

So what I’m asking is this: Is “The System” just for guys who want to get a woman to stay with them forever? And if so, how can I apply what I learned, so that I can just date casually, and not feel like a jerk if a good girl really starts liking me and I’m just not feeling it for her. There’s no worse feeling than having to tell a sweet, Flexible Giver that you just want to be friends, when she’s the kind of girl whose eyes light up when you walk in the room. I know women have been doing it to us for centuries, but that still doesn’t stop me from feeling like a jerk. I was thinking that I could just go back to my old routines and they’d eventually leave me, but why would I want to throw away all that I’ve learned?  I just want to tone it down a bit. I don’t want to be a “player,” but I love the dating game.

Stromile - who wants to be free to date them all

Hi Stromile,

I can’t tell you how great it is that you ask yourself what Doc Love would do in a given situation with a woman. Because if you ask yourself what to do, you’re going to flub it. If, however, you ask yourself, “What would Cary Grant do or say,” or Clint Eastwood, or Robert DeNiro, or Jackie Chan, then the answer will pop into your head and you’ll know the right course of action. The reason you get into a pinch is because out of nowhere babes are going to throw you a verbal curveball, and you have to know how to come back on a dime, bopbopbop, without mumbling or going completely dumb -- like most guys do.

Asking “What’s your home phone number!” is the exact thing you should do when there’s nothing left to say. Beautiful, man, good for you. Because when there’s no more to say, that IS the best time to blurt out that all-important question. When you’re through with your sales pitch, you close and ask for the order. Period.  

Now let me address how you handled that bombshell behind the counter on Sunset Boulevard. You were great, pal, nothing short of fantastic. Most guys would keep hanging around like hungry dogs, and they’d ask her out four or five more times until they were totally humiliated and were ordered to hit the bricks. But you moved on first. Unlike you, most guys would beat a dead horse. Like my cousin Jethro Love says, “When you’re at a fishin’ hole and the fish ain’t bitin’, don’t sit around there waitin’ for 20 years, boy. Get yourself off to another fishin’ hole!”

And that’s what you guys have to do. Because dating is a numbers game, and no matter how much you like the “10” standing behind the gym counter, you’re not a big-time Hollywood producer. Congratulations on recognizing the reality of the situation and not wasting your time.

Stromile, what you’re saying is that the women in Southern California have no depth, as opposed to your average New England earth mother. But who’s going to leave those small towns in the bucolic hills to come to Tinseltown? The Beautiful Women, that’s who. That’s why you can drive down Sunset Boulevard and every 20 feet see another Liz Hurley or Heather Locklear-lookalike. Hollywood is an entertainment center, and of course it has the weather. And if you weigh 240 pounds, you’re not going to spend time at the beach, unless you happen to be a beached baby beluga whale. So why would the “3s” and “5s” move to California?

You ask if “The System” is too powerful….Like I told you guys at the very beginning – this stuff is nitro. Not dynamite, not an Ouzi -- this is NITRO. That’s what you have here in my techniques. Even Supergirl has no defense against it, because it’s kryptonite.

If these California honeys were so terrible that they drove you straight into the Snow Belt, Stromile, maybe you were just hooking up with the wrong women. Maybe you were picking aspiring actresses. Sounds to me like that was your problem. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “If you have a choice between an actress and a girl with a real job, don’t be an idiot – take the clinically sane girl.”

It’s true that on average the women of New England are more kindhearted, but you know what Fast Eddie Love says: “Getting them to flip over you is like shooting fish in a barrel!” But the California girls would fall head over heels for you too, if you found a nice, sweet one.

What you should have said to that girl who locked eyes with you was, “I hope I’m not going too fast for you, baby.” But you’re not here to get married, my friend. You’re here to date as many women as possible so that when you meet the right one you have the know-how and ability to keep her. But until then, you’re supposed to go out with thousands of women.

Don’t walk around feeling sorry for your dates, dude. As General Love would put it, “Why are you feeling sorry for the enemy?” And let me compliment you on your cultivated ability to get women to laugh. You’re a great student.

To your question about whether my principles are designed to get a woman to stay with you forever, the answer is yes -- eventually. But buddy, you’re not ready. You’re not ready because you’re not getting rid of the ones you don’t want and feeling good about it. I don’t care if they’re jumping off 10-story buildings because you left them. You’re there to learn from them, experience what you can, get an education, and then move on. Gosh, Stromile, don’t you ever watch Divorce Court?

But seriously, it’s not like you’re not going out with these girls for eight months and then callously dumping them and driving them to commit hari-kari. Women with high enough Interest Level fall in love with you somewhere between the third and the sixth date. Soon as they start coming on heavy, Stromile, just walk if you don’t have any feelings for them.

And guy, that’s the greatest feeling in the world. There’s no better feeling
than dropping a woman and not feeling remorse – or anything. That’s what you have to understand. Don’t you watch TV commercials, where all guys are portrayed as idiots? Don’t you see how the Feministas rule? Come on, dude! Wake up! Two things happen in any relationship with a female. You either break up, or you get married. So don’t get bent out of shape over it.

One last point. Why are you seeing these girls if you don’t like them? Don’t mislead them. You don’t want her falling in love with you after the fourth date if you’re not into her. As soon as you realize she’s not for you, drop her.

No, Stromile, you don’t want to throw away everything I’ve taught you. But you’ve got to get over your sympathy syndrome. Let me repeat what I said before: NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR THE ENEMY. You’re not being a player by looking out for yourself. If you feel bad about dropping girls, you don’t understand the Dating Dictionary yet. Go back and study.

Remember, guys: when they drop you, they smile.

To send me your love questions, listen to my call-in talk show, or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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