Doc Love Dating Advice
WOULD KATIE HOLMES BE TOO BUSY TO RETURN TOM’S CALLS?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Let me first say that I don’t doubt your veracity and expertise as the greatest love doctor of all. However, recently, while surfing the web, I stumbled on another love doctor whose name I won’t mention. He wrote an intriguing article on “confident persistence” (I’m sure you’ve read it), and this is why I’m writing you.
This other love doctor spoke of the idea that most women, upon meeting a guy, do not necessarily display extreme high interest, even if they are interested, and that they may also display your typical female distractions, i.e., date-breaking, unreturned phone calls, etc. I think of myself as a pretty smart young fellow and although I am a novice in the area of romance, his assessment struck a chord in me. The world today is lot busier and complicated than it used to be, and affairs of the heart and romance are not the highest priority on everyone’s list anymore -- and this includes even men. Therefore, meeting someone new can either take second place to work and career or make us more wary of affairs of the heart.
So my question is this: should a guy “persist with confidence” when he’s interested in a woman, even if she seems not all that focused on him at the start? Maybe she’s just so busy that she can’t concentrate on the guy at first, but his continued attentions will bring her around. Make sense?
As much as I like and am compelled to follow your advice, I am also one who does not like to rule out the possibility of alternatives. (No one theory is foolproof!) I have just received the Dating Dictionary and am in the early stages of memorizing it. In time, you can even put me to the test to see if I am up to snuff. But now I’m putting you to the test, Doc. If you are who you say you are, then the possibility of “deviations” to your “System” should be welcomed.
P.S. I have a question about the answering machine. I know it’s a mistake to leave a message on a woman’s machine asking for a date. Should I say, “Please give me call back,” or should I hang up as soon as her angelic voice says she “can’t be reached right now?”
Thanks. Always a pleasure.
Gary - who’s trying to make sense of it all
Thanks for the letter and your generous words. Now let me set you straight on a few things.
It’s true, as your other love doctor says, that some babes won’t display extreme high interest when meeting a guy. Most, however, will display at least some buying signals if they’re interested. But the point is this: you’ve got a lot of work to do if the girl’s Interest Level is 55%, versus the 75% or 80% she’ll show you straight out of the chute if you happen to be a cover boy for Esquire magazine.
But where I disagree 100% with your other love doctor is on the subject of date-breaking. No girl with true positive Interest Level – meaning 51% or higher -- is going to break a date. Because a broken date is all about low Interest Level, in other words, Interest Level below 50%. And like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Which means she ain’t interested at all, and no amount of chasing her is going to change that.”
So, Gary, we can agree on one point your other dating coach makes, but then on a crucial matter, he’s dead wrong. That’s why I tell you guys that until you have my stuff down cold, you shouldn’t be fooling around with quacks. They might have a decent idea here and there, I’m not saying they don’t, but you can’t make a good decision about what to keep and what to discard because you’re not ready. And remember that their notions are just that, ideas, where on the other hand I’ve been in the trenches interviewing the real thing – women -- for decades. Like my cousin Doctor Freud once said, “Theory is no substitute for practice.”
And your other love doctor is off-target on the topic of unreturned phone calls, too. Here my rule is simple: you shouldn’t be leaving messages to return in the first place -- PERIOD. If you’re such a smart fellow, Gary, why are you leaving voice mails when my book says not to? To you Psych majors, you do not want to appear to be a clueless desperado.
You, a novice in the area of romance, Gary? Gosh, you’re kidding! I would never have known! Wow, you had me fooled! But seriously, the other love doctor struck a chord in you because you wanted to believe him. It’s your ego reacting here, and as you guys know, you have to set your ego aside when it comes to the opposite sex. You might want to think that you can win Angelina Jolie over, but without the required Interest Level, it’s not happening. The Reality Factor says that once your ego is involved, you can’t see clearly, and that’s because you want to see things your way.
The world might be busier and more complicated than it used to be, but so what? Two and two still equals four the last time I checked. So I dispute totally that romance is a lower priority in today’s world. If a woman wants to get married and have babies, and if a guy is lonely and he’d do anything to get a woman…well, think about what will happen. Between those two factors, romance and love is going to be a high priority. Hey, even Donald Trump finds time to get hitched, doesn’t he?
The reason women don’t return phone calls is not because of their obsession with their careers. It’s because of LOW INTEREST LEVEL. When a woman returns a call, she has HIGH INTEREST LEVEL. I know this is real hard for most guys to grasp, but it’s the truth. And that’s what is great about the Bottom Line Factor – all you have to do is bottom-line her actions. Nevertheless, like I said before, you shouldn’t be leaving phone messages.
If a woman doesn’t give you the time of day at the start, it depends on what you mean by “at the start.” The simplest and most effective way to gauge Interest Level is to go up to her, get her name, make her laugh and then ask her the magic question: “Caprice, what’s your home phone number?” That’s your display of confident persistence, and it stops right there.
Whether or not Caprice gives you or doesn’t give you the number doesn’t make a lick of difference. But it is the moment of truth, and you don’t need any more in the way of tactics or strategies to figure out where you stand. If Caprice coughs up some lame excuse, anything other than the seven digits you asked for, it’s “Nice talking to you, Caprice.” You smile, shake her hand, and walk off into the sunset.
So, should you show continued attentions to a girl who seems to be distracted? Gary, Gary, Gary. Golly, you’ve got a long way to go. Let’s say there’s a Victoria’s Secret model standing right in front of me, but I’m so busy and preoccupied with other business that she hardly registers on my radar screen, and I just can’t pay any attention to her. Uh, right. Does THAT make any sense?
Is any love doctor foolproof? In the immortal words of my cousin Fast Eddie Love, “Doc Love comes the closest!” Guy, your letter tells me that you’re in the very, VERY early stages of memorizing the Dating Dictionary. If you want me to test you on what you know, get back to me in about seven years.
There are no deviations from “The System.” I call these little side issues the “advanced class.” For instance, there might be fine distinctions between the concepts of Confidence and Challenge, and these will be explored after the Dating Dictionary is already memorized. You’ll then get what I call puffs of wisdom from all your study and you’ll know the right answer. So they’re not deviations, dude. Let’s call them subsets of my rules.
Finally, regarding the answering machine let me reiterate. It’s a mistake -- FOREVER -- to leave a message. Why don’t you just yelp instead like a little puppy and beg her to PLEASE LOVE ME -- in doggie talk.
Remember, guys: when they like you, they help you.
To send me your love questions, listen to my call-in talk show, or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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