Doc Love Dating Advice

      WOULD PAM ANDERSON EVER NEED TO BE SET UP?
                 Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                      Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I’m in an interesting predicament. I’m part of group at my college that helps economically disadvantaged students from a nearby school district. About a month ago at a Saturday morning workshop, I really hit it off with one of the girls who also help out. Her name is Madison.  She seemed really comfortable around me, laughed at my jokes, and touched my arm.  At the end of the event I asked for her home phone number. “My home phone number?” she replied. “Don’t you want my cell phone number?”  

Feeling in a bit of a pinch, I said “Sure, that will do.”  The following week I saw Madison with a guy at the library.  She glanced at me as I walked by and didn’t say anything. I then proceeded to throw her number away because I was under the assumption that she was too beautiful for me and was probably involved with someone anyway. Afterwards, every time I saw her she would always be talking with some guy.  

Well, this past Tuesday my buddy and I went to get a bite to eat at the university dining hall.  Alyssa (Madison’s friend, and one of the girls who’d come to the workshop where I’d met her) spotted me and came over to my table.

The following was our conversation.

Alyssa: “Can I ask you a guy question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Alyssa: “Why would a guy get a girl’s phone number and not call her?” (Referring of course to what I did with Madison’s number).

Me: “I do things differently.”

Alyssa: “Well, do all guys do that?”

Me: “Some do, some don’t.”

Alyssa: “Why didn’t you call Madison?”

Me: “I don’t pursue girls who have boyfriends.”

Alyssa then walked back to her table.  A few seconds later Madison sits at Alyssa’s table. Coincidence? I think not.  A few minutes later lunch ends and students begin to leave for classes.  As Alyssa is about to leave, she passes me and whispers in my ear, “You should call Madison, she doesn’t have anybody.”

I was shocked. This incident has shown me how oblivious I am when it comes to reading women. I didn’t have a clue that Madison was leaning this way.  

I would appreciate your analysis of this incident. Should I try and call Madison now? Thank you and all the best.

Odom - who’s still learning

Hi Odom,

Gosh, you’ve made so many blunders I hardly know which one to start with! But let’s try Madison’s offer of her cell phone number first. It was a huge mistake to accept it. Guys think that the cell phone number is the home phone number. To you Psych majors, IT’S NOT -- unless you live in China.

So you should have told Madison, “I want your home phone number. I don’t want your cell phone number.” Or, “I’ll take them both.” But it’s always more important that you have the home digits. Guys, I don’t want you calling a babe when she’s on a date with another guy and there you are playing second fiddle and trying to ask her out. Odds are that when she’s at home she’s not with that other guy. And there are lots of other reasons for getting the home phone number, too. They’re all explained in depth in the Dating Dictionary.

Now, why are you making any kinds of assumptions at all about Madison? You don’t know what type of guy she likes, do you? And remember, no girl is too beautiful for you. So why are you putting yourself down? As my cousin Doctor Love would say, “If you didn’t think you were good enough for her, why did you ask her for her phone number in the first place?” Hello? Are you there, Odom?

Okay, so she happens to be standing next to some bozo. What’s the big deal? She’s a Beautiful Woman, it’s been known to happen. And you don’t know the nature of their relationship. Maybe he’s going to be best man at Elton John’s upcoming wedding. Or he might be her cousin. You don’t know if he’s on his way in, on his way out, or if Madison has any interest in him whatsoever. Maybe they were discussing a school assignment, did you ever think of that?

So what do you do? You walk around throwing a hissy fit! You toss her number away just because you saw her in someone else’s proximity. Dude, you don’t have any relationship with this girl. She doesn’t owe you anything. How can you say she was “probably” involved with someone else? We don’t go by “probably.” We operate only by black and white -- in other words, by the hard facts. We’re detectives on Love and Order, don’t forget. We have to know exactly what’s what before we jump to any conclusions. What’s more, Madison should be with a guy – she’s a knockout. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “All Beautiful Women have guys hanging around them, like flies on honey -- it’s the natural order of things.” If you never saw Madison with a guy she’d be a bowser, right? So what are you kvetching about? You can’t have it both ways.

Let’s move on to your conversation with Madison’s go-between, Alyssa. What you should have told her was that you didn’t call her friend because you’re an idiot. Sure, you do things differently, pal – you do things wrong. Let me explain something here. The guys who don’t call are the guys who feel pressured by a girl to take the home phone number. They really don’t care about the girl – and that’s why they don’t pick up the phone and dial. But you asked Madison up front for her home phone number and then settled for the cell number.

Madison never told you she had a boyfriend, did she? She was just talking with someone and automatically you’re assuming that they’ve been as tight as Ben and Jen for the last six months. Let her bring up the fact that she has a squeeze when you’re already out on a date with her, buddy. It’s not for you to conclude that she’s spoken for if you see her standing beside a statue. The last thing you should be doing is crying “Why would she use me by giving me her number? Why would she insult me like that? Waaaaah!” You’re being a Macho Boy here. A mini-Macho Boy who pouts!

I mean, look at yourself. Alyssa’s practically handing you her girlfriend on a platter, and what’s your response? Like a baby you’re whining, “No, no, I don’t want her!” You shouldn’t have been shocked that Madison was interested in you. Instead, you should have been waiting a week to call her. Get your head on straight here.

You, oblivious, Odom? That’s the understatement of the century! You’re so far in the dark you make Joe Millionaire look like he’s got a clue! Sheesh, man, what more did you want from Madison? She gave you her number, didn’t she? She even asked if she could give you her cell number! “Women don’t lie and men don’t listen.” Pay attention to the title of my column, will you?

But despite all your screw-ups, obviously all is not lost. So here’s what you do: call Madison up without an attitude and like a gentleman, act like nothing happened, and ask her out on a date. Then go out and make her laugh.

Remember, guys: don’t sulk because you see her with someone else -- if you have her number, call her up and ask her out.

To send me your love questions, listen to my call-in talk show, or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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