Doc Love Dating Advice

WOULD A GIRL EVER SEND JULIO IGLESIAS HOME EARLY?
                          Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                                   Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I’ve had your “System” for over a year and have been practicing it ever since. Being able to weed out the Feministas, Gold Diggers, and ungiving has been a blessing.  

I met Ashley through eHarmony.com.  She’s 95% of what I’ve been looking for.  To be honest, the only thing I’d change is to open her mind to different kinds of food -- this girl can eat chicken and steamed vegetables every day and not get bored because that’s all she likes.  She’s 26, a knockout, educated, has a good job, her own place, and lives a good life.  I’m 26, make a great living, almost have my own place (I share with my brother since he’s broke), and am looking to find a wonderful girl I can go the distance with.

Doc, I used your techniques to win this gal.  Being the ultimate gentleman, I
opened her doors, kept our dates light and fun, and treated her with
respect.  To my surprise, she offered to pay for our first four dates. I paid, of course, and she liked that.  I think I waited too long (the fourth date) to kiss her though, but after I did she complimented me on my talent and proceeded to kiss me some more.

Tonight was our sixth rendezvous.  I took Ashley to an upscale Chinese restaurant and we saw a comedy act at the Improv.  Dinner was just okay since the restaurant was loud and we got terrible service, but she was a sport and our conversation was light and funny.  We made the show on time, but the seating was bad since we were up against the wall and I had a small table as a barrier between us, and I had wanted to sit next to her and have my arm around her at least.  

So here’s where I’m confused. On the way back to her place Ashley got really tired – she was yawning and almost fell asleep in the car. I walked her up to her apartment door, and we went inside and sat down on her couch.  I could see in her face that she was ready to pass out so I said, “I’m leaving.”

I went in for a short kiss. After all of our earlier dates we always had a great time -- we would have a short, fun conversation at her place and I got the impression that she didn’t want me to leave.  This time however, the energy just wasn’t there.

Her playful comment at that point irked me: “Since it’s only nine o’clock, what are you going to do -- go home and go to sleep?” I laughed it off, but I was a little offended since she gave me the impression that she thought I had no life.  I should have said that I was going to call my friends and go have fun with them, but I didn’t.

Doc, am I thinking about this too much?  Would you have done anything different? Should I be worried about Ashley’s Interest Level, or is a girl entitled to one off night in six?

Lamarr - who wonders if he played it too cool

Hi Lamarr,

You don’t realize it, but you’re one lucky guy! When it’s your turn to cook Ashley dinner, you can throw hers together in five minutes. You don’t know how fortunate you are to have someone who’s not a picky eater! Chicken and steamed veggies? A breeze! You’ve got a hell of a woman there. This girl’s 100%, not 95%. Too bad you probably won’t be able to keep her.

Because you haven’t even “won” Ashley yet, despite what you may think. You’ve only gotten through six dates with her -- barely. And number six didn’t exactly put you over the top. Like most guys, you’re going way too fast. (And let me remind you that you’re still going to be light and funny and treat her with respect after 40 years of marriage, too – if you get that far, which I doubt.)

Before we go on, let me ask you this: why is a girl who likes you offering to pay for everything so soon? She should be doing it on the fourth or sixth date, not for every single date. This is a huge RED FLAG, dude, and you should have picked up on it. The dating dance says that the guy pays for the first four dates. And another thing -- you should have kissed her sooner. You waited too long.

How come you didn’t survey the Chinese restaurant on an earlier night to see how loud it was before going in there and not being able to hear what each other was saying? You didn’t do your homework like you should have, Lamarr. And when things started going bad at the comedy club, you should have walked, and told Ashley that you’d do it another night. Again, you should have had everything arranged beforehand. You should have been in a restaurant that was nice and quiet, and you should have had good seats at the club. A smart dater wouldn’t have had all those obstacles blocking him. And don’t worry about getting your hands on Ashley. She should have had her arm around you. Are you sure you read my book?

As far as her behavior that night was concerned, maybe she had a tough day at work, and that’s why she was tired. You totally blew it by walking her into her apartment. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “If she’s already yawning in the car, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!” Sheesh, Lamarr, what the heck are you doing – trying to beat this horse to death? Here Ashley’s already halfway to dreamland and you want to go inside her place, drone on about how lousy your date was, and lower her Interest Level even further? HUGE MISTAKE!

I’ll tell you something else: Ashley was yawning before she even hit the car, I guarantee it. You shouldn’t have even gone to the comedy club.

But it gets even worse. Here you have a girl with her eyes shut and snoring and you’re trying to kiss her? You should hotfoot it over to the local police department and register as a sex offender!

Pal, you might very well have had other good dates with Ashley, but circumstances change, and you have to be ready, willing and able to adjust -- quickly. Think about it: this babe was sawing wood before the night was even over! How blind can you be? Check out the name of my column: “Women don’t lie – and men don’t listen, see or look!”

When Ashley dropped that little comment at the end of your date, you should have told her you were going out to have some fun no matter what she did. You failed to take advantage of a perfect opportunity to show her that you weren’t lost without her. Now she knows the truth. You’re just a whimpering puppy dog.

Then again, maybe you’re reading too much into her words. Maybe she was just teasing you. Maybe she was just being cute. Like Doctor Freud said, “It’s hard to tell what she intended when she’s groggy and one eye is closed!”

Are you thinking too much about Ashley? Absolutely. You should be thinking about all the mistakes you’re making in the dating game, not about her. Guy, you might have bought my Dating Dictionary, but are you sure you actually read it? I suggest that you sit down and memorize it word for word before you make any more costly blunders.

Yes, Lamarr, you should be worried about Ashley’s Interest Level, but her being tired has nothing to do with anything. To you Psych majors, I’m going to say it again: when she’s about to drop with fatigue and you hear funny sounds coming out of her mouth, that’s the end of the date – you’re out of there.

Yeah, you played it too cool, Lamarr – about as cool as a hot Weber grill.

Remember, guys: if they start to yawn, it’s time to cut the date.

To send me your love questions, listen to my call-in talk show, or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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