Doc Love Dating Advice

                      Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                            Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,
I’ve become somewhat familiar with your principles from reading your column. I’m a single guy in my thirties and work as a chef in an upscale restaurant here in Chicago where I have occasion to overhear the waitresses talking about their problems with men. Well, lately they’ve all been discussing this book called He’s Just Not That Into You with such reverence you’d think it was the Bible.
All their talking piqued my interest to the point where I went to the bookstore myself one night to check it out. Doc, I was amazed by the stuff that I found in there -- and this book was co-written by a guy, no less! It was like the whole concept of dating and relationships was turned on its head.
For instance, the authors believe that men run the dating world, that we have all the power, that we make all the decisions, and so on. What do you make of this? The book tries to create the impression that we concoct all the excuses to break off with women and hold all the aces when it comes to the balance of power. My experience with women has been very much the opposite, so I found their theories very confusing.  
The book also gives women the impression that a guy who’s interested in them should be on the phone to them pretty much immediately, like within a day or two. If he’s not calling you, it says, he’s not at all “into you.” What’s the reality here? If you go straight after a girl, doesn’t it show that you’re too available – or desperate? What the writers failed to realize was that the ladies in their book were totally into the guys because the guys weren’t throwing themselves at them! Does that make sense according to your philosophy, or am I missing something here?
As I continued to read through this bestseller, I kept finding things that disturbed me. Don’t women actually dump guys the majority of the time instead of vice-versa? Given that frightening statistic, isn’t it us guys who need help in relationships? This book perpetrates the notion that it’s very much the other way around. According to the authors, if a guy doesn’t basically throw himself at a girl’s feet within hours of meeting her, he should be on the garbage heap.
Doc, I’m concerned that all the women who shell out good money for this book will really be buying a pack of lies. I don’t see it helping the American male whatsoever, do you? In fact, I see the book as only creating more friction in the war between the sexes.
I don’t know if you’ll print this letter, and I don’t know if you’re familiar with the book, but I’m really curious to hear your evaluation of it. It’s my opinion that more guys and girls should be listening to you, since you’ve got it right.
Jacques - who’s not into what he read
Hi Jacques,
You’re right about this book being as hot as the Bible -- it’s been in the top 10 of the bestseller list long enough, too. I did read it, and despite its fancy print and 165-page length, I’m telling you to hold onto your money. Because I could state the authors’ point in just one sentence: “Girls, if he treats you good, keep him!” You don’t have to go out and drop $19.95 for that, and you’d be better off putting it toward buying “The System” anyway. I guarantee you much more success with the ladies if you do.
The (male) co-writer of that book is nothing but a traitor. Ever hear of brainwashing? The poor dude’s been brainwashed, and brainwashing is why we have Oprah.
My world is exactly the opposite of the authors of that book. There are a thousand love doctors out there, and 95% of them work for women. Look at how many “brides” magazines you have. You can hardly count them all! What does that tell you? Who’s getting all the help here? By comparison, the covers of men’s magazines look like pictures of slaughterhouses, with all the dead animals. You’d think all we do is hunt and fish and talk about sports.
So, men have all the power in dating, huh? Jeez, I think they’re right. Let’s see…I notice Caprice at a wedding, I have to work up the courage to walk up to her, I have to introduce myself without having her head for the hills or blow me off, I have to get her name, I have to get her to ask me my name, I have to make her laugh, I have to get her to touch my arm, and then, as the closer, I have to ask the toughest of all questions: “Caprice, what’s your home phone number?” Hey -- since when does the guy doing all the work have any power? Not where I come from.
Yeah, men are in the dominant position, all right. That’s why there are so many magazines like Cosmopolitan giving women advice -- like how to control a man, how to get what you want from a man, and how to make a man whimper. (Of course when THEY do it, it’s “self-improvement.” When YOU do it, you’re playing a head game.) As my cousid “Fast Eddie” Love would say, “So much for a fair fight!”
The great thing about my techniques is that I break down -- to the second -- when you should call a girl. To you Psych majors, jumping on the phone to a babe three seconds after you meet her is the number-one telephone blunder in the history of mankind. Of course it shows you’re way too available or just plain desperate. Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “It makes you look like you just got sprung out of Leavenworth, man.” Or worse, that you’re so needy you can’t control yourself at all. Now, how attractive do you think that kind of behavior is to any clinically sane female?
Because the women in He’s Just Not That Into You got hooked on the guys who didn’t fall all over them, unbeknownst to themselves they were verifying my principle of Challenge. But only if you studied my Dating Dictionary would you recognize that essential truth. So you’re right on target here, pal.
You want to know whether women dump guys most of the time. Jacques, if women were Indians, we guys would look like General Custer’s Seventh Cavalry after the Battle of the Little Bighorn – it would be a bloody massacre. You’re right – there is a war between the sexes going on, and women are armed with RPG-7s and we have nothing but bows and arrows. And the girls are getting tanks next! Ask Rod Stewart whether he had a chance in hell when his “10” fashion-model wife decided she needed to “move on” because she was “too young to settle down.”
The problem with this war between the sexes is that it messes with a woman’s head. And you know what effect that has on her? Her anger is going to come out in her actions -- she’s going to turn around and play with your head. And guys are so mixed up as it is now, they can’t take any more punishment!
So in the end, this “no excuses truth to understanding guys” book is just more brainwashing. The powers that be want to keep women and men separated.
I’m proud to print your letter, guy. It reinforces some very important points. You’ll notice in that book that the concept of Interest Level is never mentioned. And, especially, the authors never once bring up the word Challenge.
So keep it light and funny and cool when you’re getting to know a woman, Jacques, and never give away your dignity and Self-Control just because someone else thinks or says you should. There’s no faster way of driving a woman away from you than throwing yourself on her like a JCPenney suit.
Remember, guys: the mark of a false love doctor is that he’ll never use the word CHALLENGE – and if he does, he’s a thief.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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