Doc Love Dating Advice

          Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

Recently I took in the film Hitch starring Will Smith, and while I found it enjoyable enough to sit through – mostly because of the bombshell actress Eva Mendes, who plays his love interest, Sara – I found myself scratching my head when it was over. In fact, I thought to myself, “Did I just see another Hollywood fairy tale?”

Doc, I have so many questions about what Hitch did in the movie that I hardly know where to start. So I guess I’ll just start.

First of all, do “surprise” presents work on women? When Hitch sent those walkie-talkies to Sara, I got a queasy feeling in my gut. If anything, a move like that might make a woman feel sort of trapped, wouldn’t it? But then he said something like “You can sweep any woman off her feet if you have the right broom.”

Regarding kissing, is it true that the first kiss tells all for a woman? What about that whole rigmarole about the woman “fiddling” with her keys at the end of the night if she really wants to kiss you? Finally, how about that thing where the guy should move 90% in and let her move in the last 10%? I don’t know, Doc, but it seemed a little hokey to me.

Something else that struck me was that the heiress fell for and married Albert. It sort of gave me hope that I could maybe score a big-time model like Gisele Bundchen or a wealthy babe like Paris Hilton. But on the other hand, I don’t want to make a fool of myself. What’s your take, Doc? Can total losers like most of us guys really hit the jackpot?

When Hitch moved into the area of love doctors, I didn’t know what to think. Doc, would you ever turn down money from your clients? I don’t know if you make as much money as Hitch does, but I have to assume you guys take on all comers. Jesus, Doc, I hope women don’t hate you as much as they hated Hitch! If they do, I hope for your sake you’re making truckloads of money!

Maybe most surprising of all was that in the end, after being in control of his emotions, Hitch ended up completely losing it and throwing himself at Sara’s feet. How about it, Doc? Should you ever reveal to a girl that she really hurt you as well as all your weaknesses? Should you ever break down, leap on the roof of her car and confess undying love like he did? Whenever I’ve done that stuff, the girl’s made me feel like even more of an idiot and blown me off. But maybe I just didn’t say the right things. Is it true that we only get one shot with a girl?

There were a couple of other things, too. Like does a woman’s best friend have to approve of you? Finally – and don’t laugh – should guys really get their backs waxed? Isn’t that a little too “femme?”

I’m sorry to make this letter so long, but like I said, I was curious to hear what you had to say.

Burton - who doesn’t want to follow the wrong dating coach

Hi Burton,

First of all, I dug the movie more than you did. In certain scenes Hitch was great, especially when that Wall Street sleaze-bucket wanted to take advantage of a woman and Hitch put his head on the table and moaned “I’m not about that!” For me, that was the high point of the film. In other words, the date doctor was all about the long term and being respectful towards women, which is the way it should be. (And by the way, Will Smith really impressed me. He’s a top-flight actor. Romantic comedy is all he should do, because that’s what makes him the best.)

Now, I want you guys to give presents to your women. But the Reality Factor says that guys give them way too fast, they give too many, and the gifts are too expensive. Giving things to your wife is great, but not when she’s nagging. And the implication in Hitch is that gifts raise Interest Level -- that was the worst part, because they don’t. Like my cousin Brother Love would say, “Love might be for rent, but it’s not for sale!”

What most women would have done with those walkie-talkies Hitch sent gift-wrapped to Sara would be to call Fed Ex immediately and ship the package right back out, and he’d have it the next morning! What Hitch said wasn’t true – you can’t sweep any woman off her feet with the right broom.

On the other hand, it is true that the first kiss does tell it all for a woman. But the way Hitch put it was a half-truth. He gave you good advice and lousy advice and unless you’ve memorized the Dating Dictionary, you won’t know which is which.

For instance, that rigmarole about fiddling with her keys. At least some of the time the woman is stalling by not heading straight into her house -- because she’s trying to prime the pump and tell this idiot to give her a big smack on the lips! In any type of stalling technique, that would be the principle at work. By the same token, the “90/10” approach could go either way. If you looked at this situation from the standpoint of Challenge, you’d say to yourself, “I’m going to get real close to her, but I’m not going to kiss her.” What you’d actually be thinking is, “She has to kiss me because I stop at the 90-yard line and she’s moving forward out of the end zone.” But on the whole, I like Hitch’s 90/10 kiss theory.  

Regarding Fat Albert the CPA snagging the heiress, it can happen. You can score the likes of a Nicky Hilton or a Tyra Banks. Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “All you have to do is be a bodyguard or chauffeur for some wealthy family, study ‘The System,’ and with time the heiress will go gaga for you.” But 99% of the time, no, it doesn’t happen. Because celebrities hang with celebrities, the rich with the rich, and so forth. You have to worm your way into the inner circle for that to work.

As good-looking as the heiress in the movie was, there were lots of hunky guys interested in her. So the real credibility problem I had was that Al was FAT. All you read and hear about today is the dangers of obesity. The first thing that boy should do is lose some weight! Then what happened in the film would have been more believable.

Burton, when you use the word “loser” here, it’s a bit loaded. Let’s say there are 100 keys to handling women. And let’s say most guys know how to use 66% or two-thirds of them, but that most of these fellas don’t know that one-third of their ammo is Challenge. If a guy comes to me knowing a little bit about women -- even, say, 20 to 25 things out of the 100 -- I can build on that with time. And under the right circumstances, he can win that prize “10”. Like I said, the problem is that he has to run in their crowd. If you knew my techniques and Trump invited you over to his party, well, you’d have a shot.

But if a guy’s not Confident and he has no Self-Control, then he is a loser. And there are certain guys you’re just not going to be able to help, no matter what, because they won’t take coaching.

So, you want to know what’s in my bank account, huh? I do phone coaching, and if I wanted to, I could run the bill up for 10 hours. But I don’t. That’s not me. I’m a straight shooter. “That’s all I can give you,” I tell a guy, and I cut it. When it’s over it’s over. I don’t believe in bleeding a man to death. That’s what divorce lawyers are for -- it’s to their advantage to stretch the whole process out. And that’s what I’m here to help you guys avoid at all costs – divorce, and the need for those sharks in the expensive suits.

Unfortunately, pal, there are some women who hate my guts – they’re called Feministas, Mercenaries, Gold-diggers, and women who can’t carry their own weight. It’s my job to help you not to fall into their clutches, too.

When Hitch lost it over Sara, his Interest Level was up too high, in the 90s. It shouldn’t have been. He should have said to himself: “I’m not going to call her. I’m not going to say anything wildly emotional or press her, because she told me she doesn’t want to see me. If it’s meant to be, after she cools off she’ll call me for some reason and we’ll get back together.” When a girl’s all mad at you is not the time to try and deal with her. And to add to the mess, Hitch begs, and you guys who’ve read my book know how I feel about begging.

Does telling a woman you’re wounded raise her Interest Level? What do you think? Remember, negatives play to the heart, but they don’t keep it. Being a blubbering weakling only works on Oprah. Now if Hitch had leaped on Sara’s car as a joke, if he could have had fun with it, made a cartoon out of it and got her to laugh, he might have pulled it off. But she knew he was dying inside. He did it from a begging place, not from humorous place.

Guys, if girls blow you off for doing stuff like that, then you were out already – you were already blown off. And yes, you only get one shot with a girl per lifetime.

Finally, it can only help if a girl’s best friend approves of you. And by all means have your back waxed. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Anything that makes you look better or cleaner or taller or thinner or richer or brightens your teeth – go for it!” It’s called self-improvement -- not “femme.”

Burton, you wrote a good critique of Hitch, but you’ve got more studying to do.

Remember, guys: you must use “The System” as your basis for judging any information out there regarding dating and love, and if you don’t, may the good Lord protect you.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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