Doc Love Dating Advice

                    Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
                          Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

First of all, let me just say that I’m a convert to your way of thinking and have been for about three years now. I always had marginal success with women, but never really understood them. Only after learning from the master – you – did I realize how little of a clue most men have. I now get a kick out of hearing all the things that my friends do wrong. It’s also fun to hear about the guys who date my girlfriend’s friends, and even more fun to hear about the guys who hit on my girlfriend when I’m not around.

Of course, with your coaching I’ve hooked a girl – Sharon – that no one thought even existed. She’s between an “8” and a “9,” loves to talk about sports, is an athlete like myself, and she completely “gets it” when it comes to appreciating a good guy who treats her right.

Anyway, on to my question for the master. I’ve been dating Sharon for about a year and a half now. She has passed all of your tests, says she loves me all the time, but I still haven’t dropped the “L” bomb – “I love you, too” – on her yet. Maybe someday I’ll do it, if she’s lucky and keeps treating me right. I have treated her correctly by listening to her, giving her affection, being a Challenge at times, etc.

Over the past six months she has been throwing out hints about wanting to go down the one-way aisle to marriage. To be honest, she deserves it. She’s done everything right…so far. I have indicated to her that we might be hitched by the end of 2006, based on our mutual goal of moving to another city. Which means I’ll be getting down on one knee this coming fall.

But what I want to know is this: Do you have any suggestions for one last creative test I might be able to apply – mostly for fun – but also as a last-second check, so to speak, to make sure my judgment is on target on this girl?

The way I see it, a guy can never be too sure about whom he’s marrying, right, Doc? You do research on a car before you buy it, right? I hope you see my point here. Anyway, thanks for any suggestion you might be able to give me.

Kyle - who’ll sleep better at night once he’s 100% sure

Hi Kyle,

Isn’t it great when you turn your back and all your so-called buddies are hitting on your old lady? Some wonderful friends you’ve got there, aren’t they? Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Just make sure you don’t close both eyes when you go to sleep at night!”

But I can understand why these skin hounds are all over Sharon, my man. If she can converse intelligently about Shaq and Tom Brady and Tiger Woods, she’s got to be phenomenal! And the smart thing that you do – that I’ve trained you to do – is that you don’t blow a cork when other guys come on to Sharon, like Macho Boy would. Congratulations on keeping your cool, pal. Keeping your cool is the one of the fundamental requirements for keeping your woman.

So, you’ve been dating this babe for one and half years now. This is very, very good. It means you’re taking your time. It means you’re not in a rush to make a mistake, like Billy Bob Thornton, who’s been married five times and counting (and he’s not even 50!). It means that with the aid of “The System” you’ve been evaluating your situation through Doc Love’s eyes. Most guys don’t know what the correct tests to give a woman are. Heck, most guys don’t even know that you have to test her! Good for you, guy.

As far as dropping the “L” bomb goes, you can tell Sharon how much you adore her when you’ve been married maybe 28 or 29 years – that’s of course if she hasn’t butchered her hair, put on 40 pounds, and sits around watching Oprah!

When Sharon started in with the marriage hints, you should have asked her, “Why do you want to get married?” If she said, “Well, I want to be with you,” you then should have asked, “Well, why do you want to be with me?” The point is to press the issue! Rub it in her face a little, see? Make her feel the heat. Have some fun with it.

It’s essential to not only listen to women, but to question them about what they’re actually saying. Then, when she answers your questions, ask her more questions. I guarantee you; you’ll be the first guy in 6,000 years to listen so closely to a female!

And remember, Kyle, it’s not Sharon who “deserves” it – it’s YOU who deserve it! Because you’ve done everything right (almost). Because you met a good one and you’ve been able to keep her. Most guys can’t do that.

The one area where I disagree with what you did was when you gave Sharon a “definite maybe” about marriage. If I were you, I would have kept her in suspense. Now you’ve gone and semi-committed yourself. You went halfway to nowhere. I understand what you were doing, but it was wishy-washy. The words “might” and “Confidence” don’t go together. To boot, you gave away your game plan. Like General Love would say, “Why the hell would you want to divulge your battle strategy?”

But not to worry. You’re not going down on one knee, dude. You’re going to wait for her to ask you to get married. Come on, guy – the man doesn’t ask the woman to get married.

Now, you came to the right man for a love test, Kyle. Here’s what you do. Tell Sharon you want to sit down and talk about money. Tell her you need to find out how each of you looks at it. You’re going to determine whether she wants to sink your jack into gold bullion, or she wants it in CDs at the credit union, or she wants to put it away for your retirement.

For instance, say to her “Honey, how much money do you think we should save out of every paycheck?” If she answers “I think we should buy some of the best diamonds from DeBeers so I can look fine whenever we step out on the town,” then you know you’ve got a problem. Remember, you Psych majors, the last thing you want is a Gastineau girl!

Here’s another question you might try on her: “How many vacations a year do you think we should take, and what do you think we should do on them?” If her suggestion is “I think we should go to Russia and take pictures of all the cathedrals,” or “I need an African safari every year,” and you’re thinking maybe you should take the five grand and put it into savings bonds, then the discrepancy in your visions is obvious.

What you want to see is whether Sharon understands that we’re living in an economic society where every dollar counts. You want to see whether she’s going to blow your earnings or get all stressed out over money. So here’s one more beauty to put to her: “Darling, how do you feel about keeping six months’ worth of our salaries stashed in the bank in the event we both happen to get fired from our jobs on the same day?”

The second biggest reason people leave relationships is due to fighting over money -- the number one reason is because of resentment. So, seeing eye to eye over the green stuff is going to be your litmus test. You’re going to see how Sharon handles it – and if you’re lucky, she’ll add some valuable insights on the subject. I call it the money test – let’s see if she passes it.

Remember, guys: if she insists on being careful about where your hard-earned money goes, then you know you’ve got a keeper.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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