Doc Love Dating Advice
DID HEIDI KLUM HAVE PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS ABOUT SEAL?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’ve read your Dating Dictionary, become acquainted with all your principles, and been an avid follower of your columns for more than a year now. The least that I can say is that you’ve changed my life! You have completely turned me around from being a wussy, pushover, over-complimenting boyfriend to a man with a backbone. You have taught me to truly be more like a man and have the same confidence with women that I have in every other part of my life, as well as shown me what women are actually attracted to. But in my journey through your work, I don’t think you have ever really covered the following case, which happens to be mine.
It seems like all the love doctors out there always teach you how to deal with women you have JUST met or how to deal with them AFTER you’ve gotten a date. But how about the women you’ve known for a while – not the women you’ve necessarily been friends with or hung out with, but the ones you’ve not applied Doc Love’s principles towards?
Here’s my situation: I’ve worked with Aisha for just over two years. We see each other daily but sometimes don’t even chat if we’re in a quick meeting. I have never complimented her nor been a wuss around her, but it is likely that she already has a preconceived notion of who I am and who I’m likely to date. I’ve just recently become attracted to her but don’t know if it is possible to make the transition from “working acquaintance” to “boyfriend.”
I already have Aisha’s home phone number and e-mail through our job, but how can I begin interacting with her so she becomes attracted to me, and how can I change her idea of who I am? Now it’s not that I have turned her off in any way, it’s more that she probably would never think I would be interested in her in the first place, and I already know from casual conversations around the office that we have slightly different tastes. From her end of things, my interest in her would be completely unexpected, to say the least!
I hope you can help me, Doc! Any tips on how to deal with this dilemma will be greatly appreciated.
Mohammad - a true believer in Doc Love
First of all, thanks for the compliments. It’s always nice to know that I’ve brought out the best in a fellow. I’m happy that I’ve made you more manly, and like you said, a guy can be Donald Trump or Larry King in other areas of his life, but when it comes to women, if he’s not hitting, or if he can’t figure out why they’re always dumping him, then he doesn’t really know what’s going on. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Men who really understand women never get rejected, because they always leave first.”
The reason all the other love doctors try and teach you how to deal with gals you’ve just met is because that happens to be the case 98% of the time. But the good part of your particular situation is that if a woman – Aisha, in your case -- has been around you for a long time and does have feelings for you, you get lot of credit built up in your account. On your first date with her you’re basically really on your third date. Why? Because you’ve been working Challenge -- unbeknownst to yourself -- by hanging back, being a mystery, even though you really paid no attention to her because you just weren’t interested at the time.
And by the way, what do you see in Aisha now that you didn’t see before, Mo? This is very curious. Where are you coming from, man? Have you figured out what it is you’re really up to here?
Now, as to your fears that Aisha might be nursing preconceived notions about you, remember that it’s still just guesswork on her part. But whoa, guy, hold on here. Going from “working acquaintance to boyfriend” is a big leap. Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “It’s like you’re in a high school stage play and now all of a sudden you want to be shooting a movie with Angelina Jolie!” So what you’re going to do instead is go from colleague to clown. Because like my Uncle Jethro Love likes to put it, “If you ain’t actin’ the clown, you’re gonna be the fool!”
So you’re going to make this girl laugh every time she sees you, and you’re going to do it over a two to three month period. I want this girl trying to get next to you because she just can’t resist your sparkling humor. I want her touching your arm and gently bumping into you. But the most important thing to remember is this: you’ve got to look for buying signals. You’ve got to check whether Aisha’s eyes light up like bulbs on a Christmas tree when she sees you as time goes on.
Eventually you’re going to have to ask Aisha for her home phone number, buddy. But since you work with her and are forced to see each other every day, let’s see how many times you can make this honey giggle first.
Now remember, you don’t touch Aisha’s phone number or e-mail through the job – that’s strictly off-limits. Otherwise you’re a stalker. And another thing – if it doesn’t work out because she has a bad attitude, you’re going to have to see her over and over, day after day, and she’ll be giving you dirty looks because you dropped her. So be aware of what you’re getting yourself into here. You’ve heard the warning a million times before: “Be careful of crapping where you eat.”
If you were to ask me, Doc Love, if I could distill all my writings – books, CDs, columns (I’ve never once missed a Wednesday in all the years I’ve been writing it!) – down to two words, which sounds impossible, they would be CHALLENGE and HUMOR. If you guys could remember those words, you’d hold the two main keys to women. And every time you say or do anything when it comes to the opposite sex, those two words better be operating, otherwise you’re going to be lowering Interest Level.
I don’t know why you keep saying Aisha wouldn’t suspect that you’re interested in her. Instead, what we want is for her to be guessing, “I wonder if he likes me or not?” Because don’t forget that it’s the woman’s Interest Level we have to pay attention to – not yours. Yours doesn’t matter worth a damn. Are you sure you read my book? Maybe you need to read it a few more times.
Regarding those “casual conversations,” gosh, I hope you’re not talking to the other people around the office too much. I smell a rat here – and that rat is a BLOCKER. A blocker will do anything to mess you up. In fact, you might be talking to a whole office full of potential blockers here, dude. Why take the chance flapping your lip? It’s fabulous if you’re sucking in all kinds of information about Aisha. But I hope you’re not giving any out about yourself, unless it’s very general, as in “I like Bill O’Reilly and I like to breathe!”
So, Mo, it’s the crucial moment when you ask this babe for her home phone number that’s going to tell the story – whether she’s interested or not interested, if she’s got a boyfriend, if she’s engaged, if she thinks you’re Superman or the devil. Spending too much time playing cop in all the wrong areas doesn’t get you anywhere, and that’s what you’re doing here. You’re on the wrong road, brother. And as the Chinese proverb goes, “Grasshopper, there’s no use in traveling on the wrong road -- especially if you’re in a hurry, like most men.”
Remember, guys: if you’re a Challenge and you can make her laugh, she’ll rob banks for you.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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